My Saving Grace
by believin'inluv
Summary: Blair Waldorf: perfect, rich, and no longer living. The result of an accident, Blair finds herself not crossed over and devastated. That is, until she realizes that her destiny in the afterlife is bigger then she ever could have thought. CB; TV based.
1. Chapter 1

**I wasn't going to put this story up at first, seeing as the first chapter is pretty sad, but the others will be happier so I decided to do it. It takes place after the episode "The Blair Bitch Project," in other words before the SATs and before Georgina comes back. I hope you all like it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl, unfortunately. There just isn't enough Chuck/Blair/Nate drama on the show anymore for my liking. **

**My Saving Grace: Chapter I**

She could see tires rolling by through hazy eyes. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust her vision. She heard a few loud horns honking, and it startled her so that she jumped up like an awaking jackrabbit.

"Where am I?" Blair Waldorf asked herself out loud. She stood up shakily and realized that she had been lying on a city sidewalk. She noticed how it--which was usually filled with bustling Upper East Side shoppers--was not crowded at all. Not one busy person passed by her. Blair's face scrunched as she tried to figure out what happened. _"Did I walk here? Was I drunk? Did I pass out?" _Blair realized that she wasn't dizzy and she didn't feel like throwing up. _"But I must have been drunk. There's no other explanation." _Blair shivered as she remembered what had happened the last time she got too drunk. She could just feel the gentle rocking of the limo, the warmth of Chuck Bass's breath on her neck, his talented hands caressing every inch of her body…

Blair started to walk down the street vigorously, trying to get Chuck out of her head. After what he said to her at the bar she vowed to never speak to him again, a vow that she had kept. She was tired of thinking about him, her ex-boyfriend Nate, and everyone else. She wished that things would return to normal. She tried to get her social queen reputation back, but her attempts had so far been futile. The only way to accomplish a rise back into popularity was probably to face the people that she was so sick of.

_"What if I just went back in time and never went to Victrola," _Blair thought, as if such a thing was possible. She suddenly realized that she was walking around aimlessly and decided to grab a cab. _"Mom's probably freaking out." _She raised her hand out and called for a taxi, but many just passed her by. Blair sighed. _"Who would have thought it would be so freaking hard to get a cab in the largest city in the world?" _she asked herself. Then Blair looked at the street sign and noticed that she wasn't too far from home. She shrugged. _"I guess I could use the exercise." _

Blair finally arrived at the steps of the building that contained her penthouse. As she walked up the building's steps and reached for the front door's handle, a man coming out threw it open. Blair withdrew her hand and looked at him incredulously.

"Way to nearly smack me with the door!" Blair exclaimed. She sighed angrily, reminding herself to try not to be so sarcastic towards people. However, the man didn't seem to notice; he just kept briskly walking away. Blair sighed again and shook her head. Then she turned and entered through the open doorway. The door was taking a little while to close.

_"Someone ought to fix that," _Blair thought. She walked up to the front desk. "Hey Cathy, I'm going up to my penthouse," Blair said to the check-in security clerk at the counter. The red-haired older woman kept looking down at the form that she was filling out. Blair raised an eyebrow. "Cathy?" she asked. The woman still didn't notice her. Blair turned around, perplexed. _"That's weird. She's never ignored me before. Maybe her hearing's getting bad," _Blair thought. She was walking towards the elevator when suddenly the elevator door opened and her mother came out, bawling into a tissue. Blair stopped in her tracks and watched her mother gasp through her sobs. Her mom's new love interest (the man who spent the night over at the Waldorf penthouse on Christmas Eve) walked with her, his arm behind her head.

"I don't believe it!" Eleanor suddenly exclaimed. She let out a whimper as if someone was hurting her. The two began to walk over to Blair slowly, when they suddenly turned and headed for the door. Blair watched them, not believing what she was looking at.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Blair asked. The response was an earsplitting cry. "Mom?!" Blair shouted again. Eleanor didn't seem to hear. Her boyfriend reached for the door and pulled it open. Blair ran over to them and exited along with them. Blair ran to her mother's other side as she walked down the steps. "Mom, what's going on?! What's wrong?!"

"She was so young…" Eleanor gasped. "She was so young…"

"Who?!" Blair asked. Her mother didn't reply. Blair shook her head slowly, trying to grasp onto some rationality. "Why is everyone ignoring me?!" she asked, coming up with no reasoning behind the situation. She followed her mom and her boyfriend to a taxi. She was about to climb in next to them when Eleanor closed the door. "Hey!" Blair exclaimed as she watched the cab drive away. "This isn't funny!" she called out. The taxi turned a corner. Blair remembered her mother's words about a young girl, and then she recalled all of the people who "ignored" her that day since she woke up on the sidewalk. Blair's eyes widened, and she suddenly felt sick.

_"Don't be ridiculous," _Blair thought. _"This is just some big joke. You're not dead. You've been watching too many horror movies." _That was when she realized that she hadn't seen a horror movie in a few years. Blair felt her heart beating faster, and she inhaled deeply. _"Just relax. There's some explanation." _She began to run down the street towards the Palace Hotel. _"I'll go see Serena," _Blair thought. _"She'll let me know what's going on." _

When Blair reached the Palace, she was completely out of breath. She bent down to regain air. Suddenly she heard a loud crash. She looked up to see Chuck, Serena, and Eric rushing out of the hotel. Chuck ran in front of his soon-to-be siblings and past a few walking bystanders. His trademark scarf flew behind his neck. He wore it even though it was springtime--though Blair couldn't tell that with the dark wintery clouds that were forming in the sky. Blair examined Chuck's face as he neared her, and she noticed that it looked even paler than usual. He was breathing so heavily as he ran that he could have been hyper venerating. His eyes seemed to bulge out of their sockets. Blair couldn't believe it. Chuck Bass, her old cool and composed lover, looked extremely worried.

"Chuck!" Blair called out, momentarily forgetting that she wasn't supposed to be talking to him. He stopped running right next to her. For a moment, Blair thought he heard her.

"Hurry up, Eric!" Chuck called out as he turned and looked behind him. Eric was trailing a while back behind his sister.

"I'm coming!" Eric called. As soon as Serena approached Chuck, Blair noticed that her eyes were filled with tears.

"Oh my God," Serena said as she stopped running. She was breathing deeply too. Chuck looked at her with sad, confused eyes. Blair knew he wanted to tell her something comforting. But he turned away, most likely realizing that he couldn't try to comfort someone else when he couldn't do the same for himself. Blair watched them with gaping eyes, as if she didn't know the people she was looking at.

"Serena, Chuck, can't you guys hear me?" Blair asked helplessly. She knew the answer, and couldn't explain to herself why she asked. Just as she suspected, neither of them heard her. Eric caught up with the two and tried to find his breath. Chuck quickly turned around and headed for the limo, which was already waiting for them. Serena sniffled, then slowly began to follow him. Desperate, Blair ran next to her. "S, it's me! Blair!" She reached her hand out to tap her best friend.

Blair's hand went right through Serena's arm as though it was air.

Blair's mouth dropped open as she died to let out a scream, but no sound escaped her dry throat. Serena's arm shook slightly and she frowned. She looked at her arm and rubbed it with her opposite hand.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked, noticing his sister's sudden arm rubbing. Serena looked at him and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. My one arm just got a little cold for some reason." Eric looked at her as if she was speaking another language.

"Only one?" he asked.

"I don't know why. It's okay now, though." Serena grabbed her little brother's hand and ran for the limo. "Come on, we need to go." Chuck had already gotten in and was waiting for them. The two Van Der Woodsens entered and the limo sped off down the street. Blair watched it go as if all of her plans, hopes, and dreams for the future were physically inside it. She felt herself begin to shake.

_"I'm dead. I'm dead." _

She would never graduate from Constance Billard, and she would never go to Yale. She would never see the world, and she would never find out if she could make it in that world. She never would realize who exactly was her true love.

_"I'm dead." _She breathed in sharply. _"I'm dead." _

That was when Blair Waldorf discovered that ghosts could cry.

* * *

Blair never had a religion. She was a Christian by birth but she never went to any church, nor did she care to. She never thought about where she was going to go when she died because all she thought about was living greatly while she was alive. Blair did believe, however, that there was a place for the dead, and that it was most certainly not the Upper East Side of New York.

_"Why am I still here?!" _Blair asked herself. _"Isn't there supposed to be some place that I get to go to and wear white dresses and halos or something?!" _Then she remembered that halos belonged to angels. Blair doubted she was an angel, but she hated being a ghost.

After she had finished sitting and crying and wondering why she had to die, Blair rose and walked to the sidewalk that she had woken up on. By that time it was evening. Flashing police lights of scarlet and cerulean nearly blinded her as she approached the scene. She noticed that there wasn't any evidence of an accident and figured that it had all been cleaned up. Her mother was still there, and a policeman was desperately trying to get her to stop crying and talk to her. Blair spotted Serena and Chuck sitting on the curb. Chuck's one arm was around his crying soon-to-be stepsister, and his eyes were closed. Bart Bass and Lily Van Der Woodsen were there as well, speaking with a group of cops. Lily looked horrified, but Bart was his usual unexpressive self. Blair looked upon the scene through teary eyes, realizing why the sidewalk had been so bare. She didn't remember any policemen or trashed cars when she woke up, but then she realized that she had been too preoccupied with wondering how she got there in the first place.

"She was walking out of the restaurant," Blair heard the policeman tell her mother. "Mr. Baker's car lost control and moved onto the sidewalk. It stopped when it crashed into the restaurant, but unfortunately it had hit your daughter before the wall." Blair suddenly remembered that she had gone into the restaurant to throw up, because she had eaten some cheese fries earlier. Blair had been okay with her eating disorder until her social fallout happened. She had returned back to her old ways, and it had cost Blair her life. Eleanor continued to let out moans of devastation. The cop looked apologetic. "It was just a terrible accident," he continued. "I'm so sorry." Eleanor looked up at him, her face beet red.

"She's never coming back! She's never coming back!" Eleanor shouted. She broke into another fit of sobs. Her fists clenched and she banged them like a mental patient against her thighs. It was a fitting look, because for a brief moment Eleanor Waldorf had gone insane.

"I know," the policeman told her with a sad nod. "I know."

Blair felt tears running down her cheeks.

_"Why wasn't I just happy with myself?" _

She looked over at Chuck and Serena again. They seemed to be holding each other as if they would never let go. Blair sighed, knowing that she was never going to go shopping with Serena again or hear another smarmy Chuck Bass comment directed at her. Not that she had in the last few weeks.

_"And not that I care." _

* * *

On the day of the funeral, grey clouds accumulated over New York City and big raindrops fell from them. Up until that day, Blair had done nothing but wander around the Upper East Side, wondering why she was still there and feeling sorry for herself. Dogs always barked at her when she walked by, and she found it funny how they could sense such things. Blair went to her penthouse one time and found out when her funeral would be, but she couldn't stay there because her mother's depressed state made her feel even worse. Blair walked the streets, still one out of millions of passer byes, but the only one not alive.

Blair slept in Central Park. She never knew that ghosts could sleep. Being a ghost was like being alive, only it was much lonelier and she wasn't hungry at all. She was never even tired, but at least when she slept she wasn't feeling forlorn. She never dreamed; she just slept an uneasy sleep that she woke up out of frequently before drifting back into.

She hated not being able to talk to anyone. When her mother cried, she couldn't tell her that she was still there. Blair once tried to pick up a pen and write a message to her mom, but her hand had gone through the pen. She even tried going to her mom's laptop to type up a note but her hand went through the mouse and the keyboard. It frustrated and saddened her greatly. Being dead was bad enough; not being able to communicate with anyone made it worse. That ghost writer show she watched as a child was _so _inaccurate.

On her funeral day, Blair perked up a little bit. She was going to see her friends and her family altogether again for the first time in four days, even if they were coming to cry over her. When she got to the funeral home, she saw her mother there and the soon to be Bass-Van Der Woodesens. She caught sight of Nate Archibald, sitting in front and looking as glum as could be. Blair smiled, knowing that he had to regret dumping her now. Then her smile faded when she remembered that she would never get to hold him again. She would never get to kiss his lips again or listen to him say he loved her.

_"Or not loved me." _

Blair went into another melancholic period as she continued to look at her ex-boyfriend. A pastor got up and opened the ceremony by stating that everyone was moving to a cathedral nearby. The people got up to leave, some already crying. Blair was shocked to see Dan Humphrey there, but then she realized he was only there to comfort Serena. Jenny Humphrey was there too, and she sat close to Isabel Coates, Hazel, and a few other girls from Blair's school. Blair frowned and wondered just why they were there. She knew they couldn't care less about her.

_"It's to keep up appearances," _Blair thought. _"I should know." _She realized the sadness in the thought as she followed her guests out the door.

The funeral procession went by slowly, so Blair got to look at the other guests. Her father and Roman were there, and Eleanor must have been feeling truly needy for she allowed them both to sit next to her in front. Her love interest sat next to her as well, holding her hand and trying to console her. Rufus Humphrey was there too, sitting next to his daughter and her friends. Dan sat with Serena, who cried and cried into his shoulder. Dan wore a white dress shirt with black pants and a matching tie, and Serena wore an elegant black dress with a matching big hat and high heels. Practically everyone in the room was dressed in black, including Blair's parents.

Blair saw Chuck sitting next to his father. He wore a black suit like Bart did. Chuck sat leaning forward, his long legs parted. His arms rested on his thighs and his hands were folded so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Chuck lowered his head, only bringing it up to stand for a prayer. His eyes remained closed for a lot of the time he sat down. Blair wanted to think that he was stubborn and cruel for not crying for her, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to do so. Instead she looked at Nate again. Nate wore a grey suit with a matching tie. He sat with his mother in the third row (his father was still not out of rehab). His mother looked distressed, but she could not compare to her forlorn son. Nate had to grab quite a few tissues and bawled his eyes out right there in the pew. Blair found herself smiling until her cheeks hurt, contrasting Nate's blubbering.

_"You were wrong, Chuck. Nate really does care about me." _

There were other people at the funeral: Eleanor's friends and business associates, Harold's friends, more people from Constance who came out of either sympathy or because they had nothing better to do. When Blair heard Hazel snicker about something near the end of the mass, Blair wanted to pick up a hymnal and throw it at her. Finally the mass ended and everyone was off to the graveyard. Blair didn't follow the group at first, for the whole thing was beginning to get to her. It was scary and surreal to be attending her own funeral and watch everyone be so sad for her. She didn't want to see her body be lowered into the ground. Blair sighed and looked at a burning candle for a little while before gathering the courage to go to the cemetery.

Blair discovered that there was one perk to being a ghost; she could imagine herself appearing anywhere and she would be there in the blink of an eye. Blair was at the cemetery in no time and surrounded by her family, friends, and ex-friends. The sobs of Eleanor, Harold, and Nate echoed through the area and traveled on the wind. Blair looked at her casket and suddenly turned away, wailing. She wasn't as ready to see it as she thought. She just didn't understand why it had to be her. She especially didn't understand why she had to witness it all and not cross over.

The priest adjourned the funeral and talked about where the after-luncheon would be. As people walked away, Blair kept staring down at her casket in haunted disbelief. She saw someone approach the casket out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head and saw Chuck standing over the grave, clutching a black umbrella in his hand. He looked down sadly, his eyes opened fully for the first time she had seen all day. His lips were closed and looked like ones out of a sad self-portrait. Chuck kept looking down with a drawn-out solemn face, appearing much older than he really was. Blair kept watching him, shocked at how upset he looked. They had been friends before their fling, but it had seemed all day that Chuck was still too angry with her to be sad.

Chuck turned around slowly and began to walk away. Blair watched him start to leave.

"Chuck! Chuck!"

Chuck stopped in his tracks. Blair looked to see Nate running over to him, his blonde hair whipping back in the chilly wind. He didn't carry an umbrella, so the raindrops fell on his shoulders and wet his suit. He stopped running in front of Chuck, panting.

"How have you been?" Nate suddenly asked. Blair was surprised at the lightness in his manner. Chuck strained his eyes so he didn't look back at the casket.

"Not the best," he admitted. Nate put his hands in his pockets and sighed.

"I've been meaning to talk to you," Nate said. Chuck looked down at the soaking wet grass, not responding. Nate looked down too once he noticed that Chuck was averting his eyes. "It's sad now that Blair's gone, isn't it?"

"Yes," Chuck said simply. Blair crossed her arms, never taking her eyes off of them.

"She was a beautiful person," Nate said.

"She was," Chuck agreed. Blair loved to hear them say nice things about her, but she couldn't help but wonder what smart-aleck comment Chuck probably thought up in his head about Nate and didn't say. She smiled at the thought. There was a long pause. The sound of the raindrops hitting Chuck's umbrella seemed louder than ever.

"We haven't talked in awhile," Nate finally said, looking up again. Chuck looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Nate smiled a little. "Chuck, what do you say we let bygones be bygones?" Blair was surprised at his words. Chuck was too as he looked back up at Nate with bewilderment.

"You're just going to let it go? After all of that?" Chuck asked.

"Come on man, we've always been best friends. I hated not talking to you and not hanging out with you. Blair got between us, but now…" Nate stopped. Blair's mouth dropped open, and Chuck looked at Nate in complete disbelief. They both knew what he meant.

"Nathaniel!" Chuck exclaimed with shock in his voice.

"What?" Nate asked. He acted as though he was oblivious to the statement he almost made. Blair felt like her heart was sinking to her feet. Nate certainly seemed to have found a silver lining in the dark cloud of his ex-girlfriend's death. He no longer looked sad and upset; in fact, he nearly grinned. All traces of tears had vanished from his eyes. Blair felt like crying herself.

Chuck shifted on his feet a little and looked down at the ground again. He sighed as he struggled to find words. Blair was curious to see what Chuck would say back.

"Do you think we could discuss this another time?" Chuck asked weakly, not meeting Nate's gaze once again. Nate nodded.

"Sure," Nate said. "You're coming to the luncheon, right?"

"I don't think so, Nathaniel." There was another pause. Nate looked like he wanted to ask why, but he didn't.

"Is Serena going to be there?" Nate asked. Blair scowled.

"I'm sure," Chuck said. He looked up at Nate, his eyes no longer sad but hardened. "With Humphrey," he added sharply. Blair found herself nodding at his words. Nate pulled down his grey suit jacket and gave Chuck another little smile.

"I guess I'll see you later then," Nate said. "I'll let you know if anything interesting happened at the luncheon." Chuck said nothing--he only watched Nate walk away. Blair felt her knees buckle, and she let herself fall to the ground. She began crying again and kept her blurry eyes on Nate as he walked to his limo. The man she thought she loved her whole life seemed to care more about the benefits of her being gone than her actual death. Blair was wrought with self pity, but she did manage to watch Chuck walk up to his father and tell him that he was going back to the Palace. Bart wanted to argue, but he didn't want to make a scene even more. He called up for a second limo, then left with his fiancée and her kids. Chuck waited there until the other limo showed up. Blair sat on the wet ground and was thankful that she couldn't feel the cold rain. Her tears stopped, and she soon became curious to see what Nate was doing at the moment.

_"He's either sucking it up or laughing it up_," Blair thought. She decided to go to the funeral luncheon after all. Blair imagined the place, and in a flash she was there. A waiter carrying trays walked through her and immediately shivered. Blair winced.

"Sorry," she said, although he couldn't hear her. She looked around and saw the large room where her funeral guests were. She walked into the room and immediately saw Nate and his mom sitting close to her dad.

"I hear France is lovely in the spring," Mrs. Archibald said. Harold didn't look like he was in much of a mood to talk.

"It usually is," he said. Blair smiled. She loved her dad, even if he did leave her and her mom. Blair looked over at her mom upon thinking of her. Eleanor occasionally spoke to a few of her friends very quietly, but for most of the time she sat and looked at her wine glass. Her glazed-over eyes gave the impression that she was mentally somewhere else. Blair realized that her mom really did love her, even if she had gotten on her case a lot. Blair looked and saw Serena and Dan sitting together. They were talking, but Serena looked extremely sad. Dan held her hand and stroked her fingers with his thumb gently. One time he leaned over and hugged her tightly. A few minutes before the food was served, Nate walked over to the two of them.

"Hi Serena. Dan."

"Nate, good to see you," Dan said. He reached his hand out and the two men shook hands.

"Nate, hi," Serena said. She stood up and gave him an awkward hug. Blair felt her eyebrows lowering, and she stopped herself, suddenly realizing that she had nothing left to be jealous of.

"I'm so sorry about Blair," Nate said. "You two were the closest best friends I've ever seen." Blair wondered which girl he was sorrier for.

"Despite everything, I know that she really loved you. We all cared about her," Serena said. Nate's eyes became bigger as he looked into hers. Serena sat down again, out of Nate's arms. "I just can't believe she's gone." Dan put his arm around his girlfriend.

"I know. It's a very sad thing," Dan said. Blair raised an eyebrow. Unless she missed his sarcasm, that actually sounded sincere.

_"Does even cabbage patch feel bad?" _Blair asked herself. Serena leaned into him, making Nate look like a third wheel. Dan cleared his throat and looked suddenly confident.

"She's alright though, you can guarantee that. Blair was a strong person. She could make it through anything," Dan said. Blair's stomach twisted into a knot, and suddenly she felt very guilty for treating Dan the way she had. Guys don't say personal comments like that just to make their girlfriends feel better. Serena looked at Dan and smiled a little.

"That's true," she agreed. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. Nate looked lost, and Blair couldn't help but smirk at that.

"I'm going to go sit back down," Nate stated. Serena reached out and took his hand.

"Blair loved you Nate, with her whole heart. I'm so sorry." Nate nodded and walked back to his seat. Blair noticed how Serena only spoke of how much she loved Nate and not the other way around. Blair leaned up against a wall and sighed as she watched Dan take a pitcher of water and refill Serena's glass as well as his own. She looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes for few minutes. She looked at them all again as the waiters came in with food trays. She noticed Jenny Humphrey and her friends sitting at the far end of the long table, away from Jenny's father and brother.

"I don't like beef," Hazel commented. She sighed exasperatedly and looked at Jenny. "How much longer do we have to stay here?" Jenny looked at her empty plate for a minute, then back at Hazel.

"Did you want to go somewhere else?" she asked.

"Somewhere where the salads don't taste like cardboard," Isabel put in. Blair wanted to walk over and dump the mashed potatoes on all of their heads. Jenny sighed.

"Well…I guess we could go somewhere else." The other girls smirked, knowing they had won once again. Jenny stood up and grabbed her purse. "Let me just say goodbye." She walked over to Rufus, who was desperately trying to look at anything but Lily. "Dad, the girls and I are going to head out, okay?"

"Jenny, the food is here," Rufus said.

"I know. They all want to leave," Jenny said. She looked at him with puppy dog eyes, but she didn't press him further. She didn't seem her usual begging self. Rufus sighed and rested his chin on a knuckled hand.

"Alright, you can go. Just make sure you say goodbye to Mrs. Waldorf."

"I will. Thanks dad." Jenny slowly walked over to the other side of the table. Rufus and Dan looked at each other and slowly shook their heads. Blair couldn't believe how genuinely sad Jenny looked as she approached Eleanor. "Mrs. Waldorf, some of the girls and I have to leave." Eleanor looked up from her wine glass, though she still didn't feel like being perky and social.

"So soon, Jenny?" Blair was surprised. She didn't know her mother knew Jenny's name.

"Yeah, they have to do something. Thank you for letting me and my brother come, though."

"Think nothing of it," Eleanor said. Jenny began to turn around, then she turned back. "Mrs. Waldorf?"

"Yes?"

"I'm very sorry. For everything." Eleanor smiled a little. Blair found it ironic that Jenny seemed to be apologizing for more than her mother knew.

"Thank you Jenny."

"Did you hear the pastor say how Blair made the most of everything that everyone gave her?"

Blair turned to see Isabel looking back and forth at all the Constance girls, eagerly awaiting an answer. Hazel laughed slightly.

"I'll say she did," Hazel replied in a whisper. "The pleasure from two different men in the same week says it all."

"At least she got to experience good sex and bad sex before she died," Isabel said. She leaned in. "Nate is gorgeous, but I don't think he would ever compare."

"How would you know, slut?" Hazel asked her. A few giggles were held in. Isabel smiled widely, and Blair couldn't tell if her following reply was a joke or a serious answer.

"Let me just tell you girls that Chuck Bass may be a man-whore, but damn does he do his job well!" The girls started laughing, unable to control themselves this time. Bart, Lily, and Rufus all noticed and looked at them disapprovingly. When Jenny came back to the table, they all ceased their laughing, stood up, and followed her out of the room obediently. Blair watched them go angrily.

_"There they go. The people whose approval mattered so much." _

Blair sat in Jenny's old seat and looked at everyone around her. She kept thinking about all of the things she was going to miss out on. At one point she tried to pick up a dinner roll and put it on Eric's plate randomly, but she still couldn't grab anything. Soon the luncheon was over. Blair watched as Dan and Serena kissed each other goodbye and as Eleanor and Harold said farewell to everyone. Blair walked out next to her mom, thinking that she must have felt much worse than she did.

* * *

When everyone was gone, Blair sat outside of the restaurant in the rain. She leaned down and looked at her shoes, thinking about what she could do. She felt lost, a ghost without a purpose.

_"I should go somewhere fun. Maybe Hawaii. Then again, traveling is kind of purposeless when you can't really do anything." _Blair thought about the ghosts in those movies that scared people and she wondered why she couldn't pick things up and have a little fun like that. She sighed. _"I guess I could always go spy on people." _Blair suddenly jerked up and smiled. _"Yeah, I'll go do that." _First she went to the Humphrey lot, because for some reason what Dan had said earlier was still on her mind. It wasn't very interesting. Rufus fell asleep on the couch and Dan wrote in a journal. Blair didn't want to find Jenny and her witchy friends, so she decided to take the alternative and see her ex. Nate was in his penthouse with his mother.

"This is awful. Just awful," Mrs. Archibald muttered. Nate sat down on the couch, still dressed in his grey suit.

"Mom, calm down," Nate said. He reached for his ipod which rested on the glass-top coffee table.

"The Waldorfs were crucial to our business," Mrs. Archibald said. "Eleanor is not going to want to do any work for a while in her distressed state." Nate turned his ipod on.

"Is that all you care about?" he asked. Mrs. Archibald picked up a nearby newspaper.

"What do you mean?" his mother asked. Nate looked at her, then slowly shook his head and looked away.

"Never mind." He forgot that his mom was good at reading his mind.

"Of course I care about Blair's death." Mrs. Archibald licked her finger and flipped a page of the paper. "You should too. She was, after all, supposed to be your perfect match. But you let your father and me down." Nate looked a little agitated.

"I care about her death too, mom. You know that." He let his thumb roll over the circle on the ipod as he looked at his playlist. "She just wasn't my future." Blair looked at the red rug on the floor, realizing how much his words hurt her.

"I suppose you were right." Mrs. Archibald sighed. "Unfortunately."

Blair didn't know that much drama went on in the Archibald residence, and frankly she couldn't care anymore. Obviously Nate wasn't as upset as he wanted people to believe. Heartbroken, Blair walked to the door and through it into the hallway. She was tired of being sad. She thought everyone would miss her so much, but it didn't seem that way unless she counted her family.

_"Hey, maybe I can go see Serena," _Blair suddenly thought. In a matter of milliseconds she was at the Bass-Van Der Woodsen suite in the Palace Hotel. Serena, Lily, and Eric were sitting on the couch watching a movie together. It was a Jim Carrey comedy, but none of the three looked in the mood to laugh. Serena was leaning against her mother, and Eric yawned and looked ready to fall asleep. Blair raised an eyebrow as she wondered where Chuck and Bart were.

_"Chuck…" _

Blair hadn't seen him since the early afternoon at the cemetery. She remembered how sad he had looked. Blair ran frantically through a wall, looking for Chuck's room. When she found it, she saw Bart standing outside of a closed bathroom door.

"I just can't believe that you would embarrass me like that in front of all those people, especially Mr. and Mrs. Waldorf," Bart said sternly. The bathroom door suddenly swung open, startling Blair. Chuck stood in the doorway, wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of dark green sweatpants. His dark brown hair was wet and uncombed; she guessed Chuck had just come out of the shower. Blair didn't know Chuck was capable of dressing so casually.

_"He looks almost sexy," _Blair thought. Images of the night of her seventeenth birthday suddenly flashed in her head like a montage, and she covered her face in her hands to hide an embarrassed and lustful smile that no one could even see. Chuck's dangerous, heart-stopping stare at his father interrupted Blair's thoughts and caused her to drop her hands.

"I couldn't go there," Chuck said gruffly. "Not when half of the room was filled with fakes."

"What in God's name are you talking about?" Bart asked. Chuck laughed sadly.

"You can't tell me that they care about her, father. Those bitches from Constance, Nate…"

"I don't know what happened between you and Nate Archibald, but he was such a good friend to you. Don't call him a fake, and don't call those girls bitches either," Bart said. His tone of voice remained composed even though his grey-blue eyes bulged with annoyance and impatience. Chuck couldn't say the same as he brushed past his father and went for a comb on his dresser.

"I'm so sick of them all." Chuck closed an open drawer loudly, and he literally looked disgusted. "They throw yogurt on her head as she walks into school and he doesn't treat her right for years, and suddenly they're all compassionate and sorrowful?! They're so full of shit!"

"You swear once more and you won't talk for a week," Bart threatened harshly. Chuck exhaled loudly, trying to control his inner rage. His nostrils were flaring and his mouth was formed into a furious grimace. "You can't help the way people are, Charles," Bart added. "Besides, you're not one to criticize. You're not the purest teenager on the Upper East Side yourself, much to my dismay."

"At least I can admit it," Chuck said fiercely under his breath. He grabbed the comb and brushed his hair. Blair couldn't believe the assuredness in Chuck's voice. Her eyes were frozen on him as if he were the main protagonist in some Greek tragedy, the one who spoke nothing but the truth. Bart shook his head disapprovingly at his son.

"All I know is that you had better not embarrass me like that again," Bart said. Chuck lowered the brush and placed it back on the dresser. He looked up at his father's image in the mirror.

"Blair's dead, and still all you can think about is how you look in front of everyone," Chuck stated loathingly. Bart walked forward until he stood directly behind Chuck.

"When it comes down to it, that's all that really matters," Bart said. Chuck looked at his own reflection as if he hated the person looking back.

"No it's not." Chuck turned to the side and walked away from the mirror and his father. He went to the center of the room, stopped and sighed. "Blair's dead just because she cared too much about that." Blair hated to hear that. The only thing she hated more was admitting to herself that it was the truth. Blair didn't know if ghosts had hearts or something that resembled them, but when she looked at Chuck she felt hers racing. He really did know her better than anyone.

"It all depends on who can handle the pressure," Bart said. He walked over again and patted his son on the shoulder. "Stop fretting over it." Chuck didn't reply. "I'm leaving for Seattle tonight," Bart said. "You'll be alright?" Chuck looked up at his father over his shoulder.

"Am I allowed to be anything but?" he asked. His father looked at him for a few silent minutes, then dropped his hand off of Chuck's shoulder.

"You'll be fine." Bart turned around and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. Chuck stood alone for a few minutes, staring at absolutely nothing. Blair walked over to him slowly, as if she were afraid. She stopped when she got to his side and gazed upon him in disbelief.

"You really do miss me, don't you Chuck?" Of course, he didn't reply. Blair suddenly remembered what he had told her on her birthday. "Then those butterflies were real," she said to herself, her voice shaking. After a few more minutes, Chuck turned and walked to the bathroom. He shut off the light and went over to his bed. Blair watched him, a hole of regret forming in her stomach or whatever she had that felt like a stomach. Chuck lied down on his side and let out a soft moan, whether from tiredness or sadness Blair couldn't tell.

Blair walked over and sat on the side of the bed that he was facing. Chuck stared in front of him, and Blair could've sworn he was looking at her. The fingers on his one hand drummed the matress slowly for a little while and then stopped. Blair bent down and brought her face close to his at one point, and he didn't even flinch. Suddenly Chuck sighed and got up off the bed. He ran over to his bedroom door and locked it. Blair sat on the bed, twisting and turning as she watched him run back and forth.

_"What is he doing?" _she wondered. Chuck ran back over to his bed and suddenly he laughed a little.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he said to himself. He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. Blair could tell he was awfully nervous about something.

_"Chuck? Nervous? Girl, you're imagining things," _Blair thought.

"Now, how did mom say I should do this?" Chuck asked himself out loud. He rolled his tongue in his cheek as he tried to remember something he heard a long time ago. Blair became extremely confused--until she saw Chuck getting down on his knees. He folded his hands on top of the bed. Blair drew in a breath.

_"No way. No f-ing way." _

"Hi God. It's Chuck."

Blair swore that her brain exploded in her head, not being able to comphrehend the information that was transmitted. A surprised gasp involuntarily came forth from her throat. She looked at Chuck, absolutely flabbergasted.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Blair exclaimed. "This is so not happening right now!" She moved over on the bed so that she kneeled directly over Chuck. She pointed down at him with one shaking finger. "You're Chuck Bass. Chuck Bass doesn't pray."

_"Just like Blair Waldorf doesn't go to confession." _Blair's face fell, recalling that she had done a similar thing in a moment of crisis. One that involved him, ironically.

"I know it's been a long time. I don't think I've done this since I was...what, twelve? Thirteen?" Chuck wondered. Blair found it cute how he prayed out loud. Chuck's eyes were closed, and his mouth parted slightly as he drew in a breath. "You know better than anyone that I'm the last guy to be asking for any favors, but…I really need this." Blair leaned her face down close to his, and noticed how firmly his hands were folded together. He looked more serious than she had ever seen before in her life.

_"Chuck..." _

"I need you to take care of Blair," Chuck said. Blair was taken aback. Chuck stopped talking for a minute, and gulped before continuing. "Whether she's with you or not, I don't know. I don't know where we go when we're dead. Just please watch out for her. I don't know why she's gone…all I know is that I love her."

Blair brought both of her hands to her face and covered her gaping mouth.

"You love me?!" Blair's chest suddenly felt very heavy. She dropped her hands and looked at him in shock. "After all I've done to you?!" Chuck lowered his head down in between his arms and kept it there for a few quiet minutes. Blair let a heavy sob escape from her throat, not believing how he could still care about her so. She remembered all of the years she had known him, all of the times he had been there for her, and all of the cruel things they had said to one another. She knew she had broken his heart, and she had ignored it.

"And let her know I'm sorry." Chuck spoke in a barely audible voice, but Blair was able to make out his words. "Let her know I'm sorry for saying those things and for trying to make her give up Nate."

"No Chuck, I'm sorry!" Blair exclaimed, jumping forward and looking at him with large, teary eyes. "I'm sorry for all that I put you through! I'm sorry for never acting on what I felt!" Blair never took her eyes off of Chuck as she let the warm moisture flow down her cheeks. She remembered how she chose Nate over him and regretted it ever since. She remembered all of the times she had thought about Chuck as the days went by and how she tried to convince herself that she didn't have feelings for him.

_"I'm sorry for never admitting that I loved you." _

Blair suddenly thought she heard Chuck sniffle. Chuck raised his head up, though his eyes didn't open. He brought a hand over and wiped away the tears rolling down his cheeks, leaving his face wet. Blair felt her chest heaving; she hated to see him hurting so much. She wanted to reach over and hold him so badly. She wanted to let him know that she was there, but she knew she would just go through him. Chuck bit his lower lip and he rested his forehead on the bed. His shoulders went up and down once.

"Take care of her," Chuck said, his voice trembling slightly. "Wherever she is, take care of her and let her know that I love her." Blair continued looking at him, and when she spoke again her voice was hoarse yet tender.

"Don't cry Chuck. I'm here." Unable to resist any longer, she took her hands and gently laid them on his.

They didn't go through.

Blair felt a warmness overcome her entire being, and she knew what she was going to do.

"I'm here. I'll never leave you alone again."

**End of Chapter I. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next chapter! Thank you so much to everyone for all of your positive reviews! You all are awesome! **

**My Saving Grace: Chapter II**

_She woke up next to him, the warm sunlight from outside glistening through the cracks of Kati's white horizontal blinds. She blinked her eyes for a few moments as she stretched, her body feeling pleasantly sore from the previous night. She looked over at the man sleeping next to her, giggling at the satisfied smirk playing across his lips as he slept. The smell of his sweet musk combined with her sweat and perfume permeated her friend's guestroom. She got out of bed to find a shirt to throw over herself. Once she discovered one lying in a drawer, she came back and snuggled in next to him. She sat up a little and cushioned his head under her arm, his body molding into hers perfectly. __She smiled, her fingers involuntarily playing with strands of his dark hair. He didn't move a muscle. Her eyes moved downward towards his bare chest, images from the previous night returning clearly to her memory. She moved her hand down from his hair to his milky white face. Her fingers danced lightly down his cheek and to his neck, not knowing what compelled her to touch him in such a mesmerized manner. _

_Her eyes bugged out as her fingertips felt something rough on his back. She moved her hand over to the right and felt it again. Startled, she craned her neck over and glanced down his back. She was shocked to find many long scratches. They were not bleeding but looked extremely red and irritated. Her stomach felt sick. Had she really hurt him? In their heat of passion he bit her hard and did other things that hurt her slightly, but it only fed the fire. She wondered if he would be in pain all day. She hoped with all of her being that he wouldn't be mad at her. _

_That was when his eyelids fluttered open. He moaned tiredly and immediately looked up at her. His eyes possessed an exhausted, glossy look to them, but he smiled dreamily at her as __though he was fully awake. He sighed contently, leaning in closer against her. He felt nothing except her presence. _

_"You are so incredible," he whispered suavely. She felt relieved as her heart melted in her chest. _

_"So are you," she replied. She bent down to kiss him, and he eagerly welcomed her lips._

Blair woke up next to Chuck in bed again, but this time it was the middle of the night and she was nothing but a spirit. She only awoke from her sleep one time, a rare occasion. She probably wouldn't have woken up at all if Chuck hadn't suddenly jumped up in bed. He was lost in a dream, and Blair guessed by his mannerisms that it had been a frightening one. Chuck sat up on the mattress, wiping beads of sweat off of his face with the back of his hand and breathing deeply. Blair instantly sat up in bed, leaned over, and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Chuck, are you okay?" she asked worriedly. Chuck didn't reply, but he seemed to calm down. He lied back down and flipped his pillow over to a cool side. Blair looked at him, confused and annoyed. "I don't get it," she stated out loud. "How come I can touch you but you still can't hear me?" Chuck answered with a snore. Blair lied back down and sighed. She wanted to know why she couldn't speak to Chuck, and why she could suddenly touch him, and why he didn't seem to feel her touch him. So many of her questions went on unanswered, and it disturbed her greatly. Blair Waldorf was never one to be denied information.

She watched Chuck sweetly drift off to sleep once again. She rubbed his arm a little, even though she knew he couldn't feel it. She wondered if she actually saw him smile or if she was dreaming too.

* * *

When Blair woke up in the morning, Chuck was out of bed. Blair rose and looked at the alarm clock. There were still twenty minutes left before school started. She ran to the door and her hand reached for the doorknob.

Her hand went through the knob.

"What the?!" Blair yelled out loud, trying to restrain herself from swearing. She attempted to grab the doorknob again, but still her hand did not grasp it. Blair's fists clenched and she suppressed a scream. She ran through the door. "I hate being a ghost!" she yelled aloud.

"Chuck, pass the milk." Blair turned to see the Bass-Van Der Woodsens sitting at the breakfast table, the teenagers all in their school uniforms. Lily sipped some coffee (with added alcohol) while reading a magazine. Bart poked his head out from behind his newspaper to make sure that his son passed his soon-to-be stepsister the milk.

"Here sis," Chuck said, sliding the carton over to Serena. Serena sighed and looked over at him.

"How many times have I asked you not to call me that?"

"Probably a million, but I have selective hearing," Chuck said as he raised a glass of orange juice to his lips. Blair watched him, smiling and shaking her head at the same time.

"Charles," Bart said strictly out of nowhere. Chuck picked up a fork and stabbed it through his scrambled eggs, not looking into his father's cold eyes. Serena ogled Bart remorsefully.

"It's alright, Mr. Bass. If anything I owe Chuck an apology. He wasn't the one who sent me those things, after all," Serena said. Chuck was still looking down at his plate, but Blair saw him smile at the fact that Serena was actually coming to his defense. Blair was confused as to what she was talking about.

"That does not give him the right to act like a sarcastic imbecile," Bart snapped, eyeing his son bitterly. Chuck still didn't meet his gaze. Blair crossed her arms, curiously watching the exchange of looks between the Bass father and son. Eric stood up, deciding to break the growing tension in the room.

"Um, breakfast was awesome. I think I'm ready to go to school now," Eric stated.

"Yeah, me too," Serena chirped. Bart stared at Chuck for another minute or so before glancing back at the paper.

"I'll have the limo ready for all three of you," Bart said.

"That's alright, I'm going to walk," Chuck said. The moment that followed was as silent as if Chuck announced that he had cancer.

"You're going to walk to school?" Eric asked in disbelief.

"Charles, you never walk," Bart said. Even he was dumbstruck. Chuck's eyes darted to the windows, then back to the sausage on his fork.

"It's a beautiful day," he said as he popped the sausage into his mouth. Everyone in the room looked at each other, stunned. Chuck coolly wiped his mouth and laid his napkin down on his plate. He stood up and began to push his chair in. Serena walked over to him slowly as though her feet were fragile.

"Do you need someone to go with you?" Serena whispered. Blair couldn't help but smile. Her best friend always seemed to sense when something was wrong.

"Thanks, but I'll be alright," Chuck replied. He walked off to the bathroom, his family watching his every move. When he heard the bathroom door close, Bart sighed and flipped a page of his newspaper.

"That boy. I don't know what I'm ever going to do with him."

"He's just upset about yesterday," Lily said. "I'll admit that I still am as well." The only sound that followed for minutes was the clock ticking loudly from the dining room. Chuck came out of the bathroom and flung his scarlet and gold scarf around his neck.

"I'm heading out. Try not to die without me." He was out of the room in a matter of seconds. Blair looked at the closed door before running over to Serena.

"S, it's Blair. Can you hear me?" Serena looked over at Eric. "Can you hear me now?"

"We better get going," Serena said. Eric nodded, and the two siblings headed for the door.

"Not good," Blair said sassily. She caught sight of Chuck's empty orange juice glass on the table. Blair walked over to it and tried to pick it up. Just as she suspected, her hand went through. She shook her head and sat down in one of the chairs. She rested her chin on her hand and stared at the empty glass, listening to the hotel room door behind her close once again.

"I literally am at my wit's end," Bart suddenly said. For a moment Blair thought he was talking to her, for he seemed to be looking directly at her. Bart had a way of zeroing in with his harsh eyes that made Blair feel intimidated and inferior.

"Try to calm yourself," Lily demanded good-naturedly. That was when Blair realized that Serena's mother stood behind her. "I think that Blair's death was very hard on him."

"It has been hard on all of us. Plus, he acted like this before Blair's death," Bart said. He dropped his paper and rubbed his forehead, his long fingers moving in a circular motion. "I just don't know what else I can say or do to make him behave respectfully." Lily walked over and put her hands on Bart's shoulders comfortingly.

"I know that Charles is a good person. He'll change with time, you'll see." Blair smiled. Bart eyed Lily icily.

"He's been this way for years. If anything time will make it worse."

"Maybe you should talk to him," Lily suggested.

"He won't talk," Bart said. "He'll have nothing to say." Blair gaped at Bart, revolted at his ignorance.

"You are so clueless!" Blair exclaimed out loud.

"Are you sure about that?" Lily asked Bart. Bart was quiet for a few minutes before he picked up his newspaper and stood up from his seat.

"I don't have time to think about it now." He leaned over and kissed his fiancée on the cheek. "I'll be home tonight." Lily nodded, and Bart began to walk away.

_"You never have time for anything involving your son,"_ Blair thought, thinking back to a time when Chuck told her about his father's constant absence from his life. Frustrated, Blair got up, ran over by the door, and stood in Bart's way. She closed her eyes as Bart walked straight through her. He stopped walking and turned around, looking back at Lily.

"Do we have the air on in here?" Bart asked. Lily raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"It's fifty-five degrees outside," she said. Bart gawked at her, baffled beyond belief. Blair put her hands on her hips and laughed one hearty laugh, extremely proud of herself.

"Well, it felt a little cold in here."

"It's not on," Lily assured. Bart shrugged and walked toward the door once again. As soon as he left, Blair glanced over at Lily, who sat down and went back to reading her magazine. Blair closed her eyes and imagined walking alongside Chuck outside. In a matter of milliseconds, Blair was standing on a street close to the Palace. She looked up to see Chuck right in front of her, walking slowly past.

"Chuck!" Blair exclaimed. He kept walking. Blair hopped next to him and felt like acting playfully. "You still can't hear me, hunh Bass?" Of course, Chuck didn't answer. Blair decided to stop trying, and continued walking next to him for many more blocks. Her mind often became lost in her questions, but she felt happy that she was with him, even if he had no clue.

"Chuck!"

Chuck stopped walking and looked to the street. Blair reached out and grabbed his hand. She felt its warmth. She shook her head once in bewilderment.

_"Why the heck is this happening?" _she thought. That was when Chuck's fingers suddenly bent back and folded into hers. Blair was too surprised to even gasp. _"Does he feel me?!" _

"Chuck!" the voice called again. Chuck's hand suddenly fell out of Blair's. Blair ordered her arm to fall back to her side, but it stayed frozen in the air as if Chuck was still holding her hand. Her big eyes looked up at Chuck with disheartenment and perplexity. Chuck wasn't looking at her, however, but at the man in the limousine that had been calling his name. Blair stood on her tip-toes to look over Chuck's shoulder. When she saw who was in the limo, her stomach dropped quicker than a flower in the wintertime.

_"Oh no…" _

"Hello Nathaniel," Chuck said. Nate's luminous white teeth answered back.

"Are you walking to school?" Nate asked cheerfully. "That's a first."

"I've just got a lot on my mind," Chuck replied. His tone of voice was normal and cordial, but Blair could tell in Chuck's eyes that he wanted to turn around and run all the way up to New Hampshire. Nate nodded in what Blair considered fake sympathy.

"Yeah, I understand." Nate motioned toward the limo seat. "Why don't you let me give you a ride? We can talk about it." Blair found herself biting her tongue in suspense, as if she was watching a soap opera. She knew what would be discussed if Chuck got in the limo.

"Get out of here, Nate!" Blair exclaimed. She never thought she'd hear herself say that. Chuck looked at Nate, smiling to cover up his non-enthusiasm.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'll be okay."

"I insist," Nate said, acting ever the gentleman. "It may help both of us if we talked about some things." Chuck scowled. So did Blair.

"Nate Archibald, get over yourself and get the hell out of here!" Blair exclaimed. She felt her face flush and her hands clenched into fists the way they had earlier. She gasped, realizing the extent of her rage. She opened her hands and looked at them, awed and horrified by herself. Nate being content about her death troubled her more than she thought. Chuck, meanwhile, looked like he was on the edge of debate.

"Thanks Nathaniel, but I'm just going to walk," Chuck said. Nate threw open the limo door and folded his hands on his lap. He tried to express with his face that he would not be turned down, the way Chuck usually did. He butchered the look, making Blair laugh.

"Nate, stop…seriously!" Blair exclaimed. She wondered if Chuck was laughing in his head as much as she was. Chuck looked at his ex-best friend for a minute before walking over reluctantly to the limousine. He figured that he had to get it over with sooner or later. Blair followed him in, apprehensive yet eager to see what they would say to each other at the same time.

"Why don't we turn on some music?" Nate suggested as the limo began to move. He reached for a remote and turned on the stereo up front from the backseat.

"I'll never kiss…your lips again…they buried you today…" played a song by Mark Dinning. Nate looked at the radio awkwardly, while Chuck and Blair just looked down sadly as they heard the rest of the words. "Teen angel, can you hear me…teen angel, can you see me…are you somewhere up above…and am I still your own true love?"

"Let me try another station," Nate suggested. He pressed a different button.

"I never had a dream come true…till' the day that I found you…even though that I pretend that I've moved on…you'll always be my baby…" rang the voices of S Club 7. Blair looked at Chuck as she remembered the rest of the chorus. Nate switched the station again.

"We call and we call… 'How come?' we say…what could make a boy behave this way?" sang Rickie Lee Jones. The two guys and Blair sat quietly, listening to more words. "I think Chuck E's in love…" Nate reached for the remote and shut off the radio.

"I'm not really in the mood for music," Nate said. Chuck was looking off to the side, trying not to laugh at the last song. Blair giggled at his attempt. "So you took Blair's death pretty hard, hunh?" Nate asked. Chuck's face fell, and he glanced down at the floor. Blair looked at him compassionately and placed her hand on his thigh. Chuck finally nodded and turned his head to Nate slightly.

"Yeah. I did." He turned back around, gazing through Blair and out the window. Blair was captured in his chocolate eyes, which looked picturesquely distressed. "It was so unexpected." He did not even bother to ask Nate if he took it hard as well.

"It's a sad, sad thing," Nate said. Blair looked over at Nate's empathetic face and felt like vomiting. Nate turned and looked out his window once he comprehended that Chuck was lost in his own thoughts. He finally spoke, unable to handle the uneasy silence for much longer. "Did you think about what I said yesterday?"

"Not really," Chuck admitted. Nate crossed his one leg on top of the other and leaned over to look at Chuck.

"Not even a little?"

"No." Blair noticed Chuck's thumbs fidgeting. He looked at Nate uncomfortably. "It's just going to be awkward, Nathaniel. With Blair being gone and everything that happened between all of us…"

"Can't we just let it go?"

"Let it go?! Nathaniel, I slept with your girlfriend. You told me to stay away from you. Now she's gone forever and you come to me all ready to let it go?!" Chuck exclaimed, fully facing Nate. Blair grinned as she witnessed the return of confident Chuck. Chuck lowered his voice, not meaning to shout. He folded his hands together in a poised manner. "It doesn't make sense, other than the explanation that you couldn't care less about her."

"That's not true!" Nate exclaimed, his voice suddenly escalating. Nate shouted his last word loudly, causing Blair to jump in her seat. She had never heard Nate yell before at anyone. Nate's teeth gritted, his face displaying his inner seething anger. Chuck looked at Nate accusingly, his eyebrows lowered. "I can't believe this!" Nate exclaimed. "Here I come and try to make peace with you, and you have the nerve to tell me that I don't care about Blair?!"

"Not as much as you should," Chuck said sharply. "You seemed a little too happy at that funeral yesterday." Nate's eyes turned as wide as saucers. If Blair wasn't so frightened by Nate's wrathful face and murderer-like breathing, she would have cheered. Chuck was putting into words what she had wanted to say since Nate ran to him at the grave. Blair felt for sure that Nate was planning to punch Chuck in the face. Instead he just stared him down furiously.

"Why am I even trying to make up with you anyway?!" Nate asked himself and Chuck aloud. "You're absolutely nothing to me!"

"Only your best friend for fifteen years," Chuck commented unperturbedly. Blair was so happy that she felt like kissing him.

"Some friend you were! You slept with my girlfriend, not to mention took her virginity!" Nate said.

"The girlfriend who broke up with you because you didn't love her," Chuck said, looking nonchalantly out the window. Blair let out a squeal of delight and threw her arms around Chuck. She broke her hug when Nate shoved Chuck. Chuck knocked back into Blair, who almost went through the side of the car at the force. Chuck looked at Nate unresponsively, his eyelids lowered slightly. He called to the limo driver. "Stop this limousine, please."

"No, you are not getting out! We're not done here!" Nate yelled.

"Yes we are," Chuck said authoritatively. The limo pulled to a stop. Nate stuttered frantically before finding his words.

"I hate you, Chuck Bass!"

"So do millions of others. Get in line." Chuck opened the door and got out of the car. Blair followed. Nate slid over on the seat. Blair knew that he wanted to have the last word before Chuck closed the door and walked away. She smirked, knowing that no matter what he said, he wouldn't.

"I'm glad that Blair's dead! I'd rather that she be dead than be with you!"

Or maybe he would.

* * *

Chuck Bass was not a man to show his emotions. That was why he locked the doors when he prayed and cried for the first time in years. He never let anyone get the best of him, and he especially never let it show if they did. This time, though, was different. Chuck slammed the door to the limousine and kicked the side of it. Nate could only watch before driving away, knowing in his heart that he had crossed the line. Chuck sat on the curb, staring intensely at the road in front of him.

Blair Waldorf was not a physically angry woman. That was why she was shocked when she felt like punching the man she thought she was in love with for years. If someone made her upset, she fought back with strategy and brains, never with fists. This time, though, was different. Blair could only think of hurting the man in that limousine for saying what he did. She reached for a rock to pick it up and throw it at the limo's back window. However, she could not take hold of it. She fell down on her knees and felt her body shake violently with sobs as she watched the limo drive away.

Blair felt crushed and devastated. She would want to shrivel up and die, if she wasn't dead already.

_"Nate would rather have me dead then with Chuck?! Who could say such a thing?!" _Blair rolled up into a ball on the ground, her tears dropping out of her eyes and falling through the sidewalk. She knew exactly what she needed at that moment. She needed Chuck to bend down and hug her and tell her that everything was okay, the way he always had. She wanted to tell him that she loved him more than anything, and that she wished that she was alive and with him.

Chuck kept sitting and staring at the multicolored cars going by as Blair bawled. He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. Blair looked up, noticing how tortured he looked. If her heart was breaking at Nate's comments, then Chuck's must have been in pieces. Blair sat up, forgetting about how much emotional pain that she was in. She put her arm around Chuck and leaned against him.

"It's okay, Chuck. I'm still here." She was going to return the favor like she promised. After for what seemed like an eternity, Chuck stood up and began walking in the direction of the school. Blair followed him, wondering just how he was going to make it through the day. They were one block away when Chuck turned into an open bar. Blair's eyes widened as she realized that he wasn't going to even try to make it through the day.

"I need scotch, and lots of it," Chuck said to the bartender upon entering. Blair walked through the door and over to Chuck's side.

"Don't do it Chuck," Blair pleaded. "Go to school and show him that this isn't bothering you! You never let what people say bother you!" She watched as the bartender handed Chuck an entire scotch bottle and a glass. As he poured the liquid into the glass, Blair's chest began to heave. Chuck lost his vigor. He was a broken man, and it felt like there was nothing she could do about it.

"Chuck…I…" Blair sat at the stool next to him. "I'm so sorry!" She did not know what else to say. Chuck took one sip of his drink, then hung his head. Blair rested her hand on his shoulder. "If only you knew, Chuck. If only you knew that I'm right here next to you..." Blair stopped, abruptly choosing not to talk anymore. She sat with him for hours, watching him consume drink after drink. When Chuck laid his head down on the counter and his eyes looked drowsy, Blair stood up. She couldn't bear watching him suffer anymore. If only he could talk to someone and tell them about what Nate said and what he was feeling about her death, he might feel better. Unfortunately, Chuck would never go to anyone. Blair knew that she couldn't ask anybody herself to talk to him. She decided to go take a walk and think about what she could do. Blair leaned around Chuck's shoulder and placed her hand on his. "You'll be fine, Chuck. I've got to go somewhere, but I'm still here. I'll be back soon, I promise."

Blair bent down and kissed Chuck on his cheek. Then she imagined herself at the courtyard of Constance Billard.

She arrived in front of Constance just in time to see Jenny and her friends walking out to go to the steps of the art museum for lunch.

"So I see that school goes on," Hazel commented. "Despite the permanent fall of Queen B from her pedestal."

"And so does the ever-present Gossip Girl!" Isabel cried, holding up her cell phone as if a million dollars was in her hand. She opened it up and used the internet to get to Gossip Girl's home page. She decided to read it out loud. "Let's see…'Hey there, Upper East Siders! Spotted: S and lonelyboy seeing each other: before lunch. Lonelyboy skipping class? Must be pretty serious. N spotted coming into school angry and flushed, and C is nowhere to be seen. Hmm…maybe N is responsible for a different funeral? We'll have to wait and see. XOXO. Gossip Girl.'"

"Yeah, just where is Chuck anyway?" Hazel wondered. Jenny looked back and forth between them in silence.

"Visiting B's grave, maybe?" Isabel suggested. She suddenly turned dramatic and put a hand to her forehead. "Poor Chuck; the devil is missing his desired love."

"Guys, can we please not talk about Blair being dead anymore?" Jenny asked. The girls smirked.

"What's wrong, Little J? I thought you'd be happy that she's gone. With her not around and Serena preoccupied with her Brooklyn trash, you're the top dog," Isabel said. Blair winced at Isabel's words, especially the name she called Dan.

"I thought you'd be totally happy," Hazel said.

"I am, but…" Jenny lost her words.

"But what?" Isabel asked. Jenny shook her head.

"Nothing. Let's go get some salads." The girls walked away, gabbing and laughing while Jenny watched on guiltily. Blair stared at them, the anger she felt earlier at Nate returning. What made her the most upset was that she could do nothing about it. Remembering her original mission, Blair ran through the courtyard of Constance Billard and St. Jude's. She knew it was Serena's lunch period, so she searched for her in the crowd of teens. Finally, she spotted her and Dan hidden in a dark corner by a building. Blair ran over to them hysterically. She knew that Serena wouldn't hear her, but she didn't know what else to do.

"Serena, Chuck needs you! Nate said something really terrible and he's at the Palace getting drunk!" Blair exclaimed. Serena kept looking at Dan.

"I'm so sorry that this had to happen now," Dan said to her. "You're already stressed out about Blair and about the SATs, and now you have to worry about some bitch." Blair looked at them both, completely baffled.

"What are you two talking about?" Blair asked.

"She wants me to go back to her life...my old life. I can't do that Dan, I can't!" Serena exclaimed, her voice trembling. Dan immediately pulled her close to him. Blair heard Serena stifle some sobs. Dan's arm ran soothingly up and down her back.

"It's okay, Serena. I'm right here," Dan said. Blair heard her words echoed in Dan's voice and she felt like crying again, partly because she missed Chuck and partly because she felt that she was powerless to help him. "She's not going to do anything, Serena," Dan assured. "She won't change the person that you are now." Serena clutched onto him as though she would never let go.

"I love you Dan."

"I love you too."

Blair turned around, wiping the tears from her eyes. She didn't know what they were talking about, and she didn't care.

"I've got to get out of here!" Blair said to herself. She began to run away. She heard Serena's phone ring as her feet hit the ground fiercely. Serena pulled gently out of Dan's arms and pulled her cell phone out of her skirt pocket. Once she saw the name of the caller, her eyebrows rose.

"Who is it?" Dan asked.

"Chuck." Blair immediately stopped walking and turned around in one swivel of her heel. She ran back over to the couple as Dan's smile faded at the C word. "Hello?" Serena asked as she answered the phone. "Chuck, I can barely make you out. Speak slower." Blair listened intently. "Okay, I'll tell him. Alright, bye." Serena flipped her phone down. Dan looked at her, concerned.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Chuck's been at a bar drinking all day."

"I wondered why my day had been pretty good, up until five minutes ago," Dan stated.

"That's not like him," Serena said. Dan eyed her as if he hadn't understood what she said.

"Serena, are you feeling okay? Because the last time I checked drinking all day is exactly like Chuck Bass," Dan said. "In fact, I think that's Chuck Bass as a whole." Blair tapped her foot slowly, waiting for Dan's comments to cease.

"Not during school it's not," Serena said. "His father would murder him if he found out he was cutting. It would embarrass him in front of the school board too much. Something's wrong."

"What did Chuck actually want from you?" Dan asked.

"He gave me an excuse to tell Bart if he finds out that Chuck wasn't in school today. Chuck told me to say that he got sick and was in the bathroom all day," Serena said. She stopped talking for a moment, then straightened her purse up onto her shoulder. "I have go. The bar he's at is only a block away; I better see what's going on." Blair shrieked and jumped up and down with glee. She felt like an idiot for a minute before she remembered that no one could see her.

"I'll come with you," Dan insisted.

"It's okay, you don't have to. I know how much you hate him," Serena said.

"I do, but he's going to be your brother. If you're worried about him, then so am I," Dan said. Serena smiled.

"You're the best," she said. She took his hand and they ran for the open courtyard gates. Blair grinned as she watched them leave, then wondered just how they could be so sugary-sweet with each other all the time.

_"It's literally impossible to be that perfect!" _Blair thought. _"S and cabbage patch…who ever would have thought?" _She sighed before thinking about the Palace Bar and traveling there.

When she arrived, she discovered that Chuck was not sitting at the bar anymore. Blair's heart started beating quickly in her chest. _"Shit. Chuck, where are you?!" _Blair scouted the entire area and didn't see him. She began to sweat, worrying as to where he was. She ran to the bathrooms and ran through the men's room wall. She heard the grotesque sound of vomit hitting the toilet. 

Blair felt nauseous before she spotted Chuck's shoes. She ran through each of the stalls until she got to Chuck's. When she found him, he was leaning over the toilet, hurling up a mix of scotch, bourbon, and eggs. He clutched his stomach tightly with one hand as fluid emitted forth from his mouth.

"Oh my God, Chuck!" Blair exclaimed. She kneeled down next to him, patting his back gently. She breathed through her mouth, the disgusting scent overpowering her nostrils. He continued, and Blair shook her head slowly. "How can you do this to yourself, Bass?!" She was angry at him for getting himself so drunk and sick, yet she felt bad because of the reason why he did it.

A few minutes passed, and Chuck stopped throwing up. Blair pushed some of Chuck's hair back behind his ears and rubbed her hand tenderly from his head down his back. She heard the bathroom door open.

"Chuck Bass? Are you in here? It's Dan Humphrey."

Blair couldn't believe that she'd ever be glad to hear that name. Chuck didn't look like he felt the same way.

"Yeah," Chuck uttered weakly. "I'm here."

"Serena sent me to check on you. Are you alright?" Dan asked. Chuck breathed deeply.

"I've been better," Chuck admitted. "Is Van Der Woodsen out there?"

"Yeah," Dan replied. Chuck tried to stand up, and Blair did with him. Chuck's knees immediately began to shake and he put a hand to his head as he stood. He went down again, letting out a groan of pain. Blair remained by his side.

"You'll be fine Chuck; you'll be fine," Blair said. That was when Dan knocked on the stall door.

"Need any help?" Dan offered.

"I'm fine," Chuck said. Blair heard the door creak open again.

"Dan, is he okay?" came Serena's voice.

"Come on in. There's no other guys in here," Dan said.

"What if one comes in?" Serena asked.

"We'll be in and out," Dan assured. Blair heard Serena's heels clicking against the tiled floor. She knocked on the stall door.

"Chuck, we're taking you back to the Palace. I'm assuming your hangover is pretty bad," Serena said.

"I can't," Chuck said feebly. "Your mom will wonder what happened."

"She's seen me come home drunk before. As long as you have a good reason, she'll probably understand," Serena said. Blair looked at Chuck, hoping that he would tell her what was bothering him.

"I don't," Chuck said. He tried to stand up again, using the toilet to stabilize himself. He reached his arm back and twisted the knob of the stall door. The door swung open, and Dan and Serena entered. Blair jumped to her feet and backed up out of their way. Serena went on Chuck's left and Dan on his right. They put his arms around their necks and escorted him out of the bathroom. Blair followed behind them. Chuck suddenly laughed drunkenly and looked at Serena. "It's funny, Van Der Woodsen. It used to be Blair and me carrying you out of bars."

"God Chuck, you reek. How many drinks did you actually have?" Dan asked.

"Blair was so gorgeous…and so young…" Chuck murmured. Blair loved his compliment, yet a hole of regret formed in her stomach. She felt like never would forgive herself for choosing the wrong man at the right time. Dan and Serena walked Chuck out of the bar and into the noise of New York. Dan helped Serena remove Chuck's vomit-spotted navy uniform coat off of his shoulders.

"Chuck, what's wrong? Why did you go to the bar this morning?" Serena asked. Chuck stepped forward, turned around and looked at them both.

"Because I'm fucking Chuck Bass! That's all I do, isn't it?!" He kept stepping backwards, closer to the curb. He looked at them, his lips parted slightly. "I'm just that rich bastard who drinks and steals the virginity of his best friend's girlfriend before she dies." Blair gazed upon him glumly. Guilt was the one thing that Chuck was never supposed to feel, but it was apparent that he did. Dan and Serena noticed it too.

"You can't beat yourself up over the past," Dan said, trying to be appeasing.

"She died hating me. I don't blame her," Chuck said. Blair inhaled sharply, those words hurting more then Nate's and Jenny's clique combined.

"I didn't hate you, Chuck! I never did!" Blair cried.

"I know you're upset that Blair's dead," Serena said calmly. "But she knew how much you cared about her, even if she didn't want to admit it. And if she didn't know, she knows now." Blair nodded happily, then looked at Chuck with the hope that he would understand. "I miss her too," Serena added. "Today was the first lunch that I've ever had without eating with my best friend or telling her goodbye before I go see Dan." Blair looked at Serena and noticed that her eyes were starting to well up with tears. "She was like my sister," Serena said. Dan walked over to her to hug his girlfriend, but she walked over to Chuck and hugged him. Chuck looked a little surprised, but accepted and hugged her back. Dan looked absolutely flabbergasted, and for a split moment he thought that the armageddon was upon the Upper East Side. Blair watched on, overjoyed and melancholy at the same time. Chuck's words from before were still replaying in her mind. Chuck pulled away gently and looked down at Serena with large, sad eyes.

"I miss her so much," he whispered.

"I know." Serena hugged him once more. "I know." Blair was surprised to see Dan now smiling at his girlfriend and her soon-to-be-stepbrother. Serena turned and faced her boyfriend. "Let's get a cab." Dan nodded, and Serena turned toward the street. "Taxi!" She put her arm in the air. Chuck put her arm down, looked at her smugly, then whistled. "Show off," Serena said.

"Hey guys, watch out!" Dan called out. Chuck and Serena turned and looked to see a biker heading toward them at full speed.

"Excuse me!" the biker yelled loudly. Serena backed up out of the way in time. Chuck stepped forward on instinct, but he did it so quickly that he tripped on the curb and fell onto the street. Blair's heart stopped.

"Chuck, get up!" Serena shouted from the sidewalk. Chuck looked up to see a supply truck seven inches away from his face.

Dan and Serena screamed. People walking by stared. The driver reached for the brakes. Blair ran and shoved Chuck out of the way.

* * *

Blair felt herself roll in between the truck's two wheels and heard it screech and come to a stop. Blair crawled out from under the truck and saw Chuck lying in the middle of the street, positively shaken. She sighed out of relief as she stood up, her blood pulsing through her veins. Seeing him lying in front of that truck was a living nightmare.

_"Thank God he's okay," _Blair thought, wiping cold sweat from her face. _"Thank God." _She wondered if Chuck would be with her if he was dead or if she would never see him again. Either way, she didn't want Chuck to be dead. She hated not being able to connect with him, but she would rather have him live a good long life then be young and dead.

Dan and Serena ran over to Chuck while other people in cars and on the sidewalk looked on. The trucker got out of his vehicle to make sure everyone was okay before climbing back in.

"Chuck, how did you roll away so fast?! That thing was right in front of you!" Dan exclaimed. Chuck looked confused as the couple helped him stand up.

"What? I thought one of you shoved me out of the way," Chuck said. He walked back over to the sidewalk with them. "I know I didn't move by myself. I was a little too busy shitting my pants and having flashbacks of my entire life."

"Chuck, Dan and I couldn't get there in time. We ran but it was way too late. You did it yourself," Serena said. Blair smirked. Chuck stared at them as though he had just woken up from a visual dream and thought that it was real.

"I don't believe that," Chuck said. Dan and Serena looked at each other, then back at him.

"Well, whether you want to believe it or not, we didn't rescue you and neither did anyone else," Dan said. "Unless Superman exists, of course." Serena leaned over and hugged Chuck.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" she exclaimed. Chuck stifled a little laugh.

"If I didn't know better, Van Der Woodsen, I'd say you cared," Chuck said. Serena rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Always sarcastic, even after having a brush with death," she said.

"You forget who you're talking to," Chuck said. He acted like he was back to his old self, but his eyes still looked dazed and perplexed. Blair sighed. She was extremely glad that she saved Chuck, but he would never know that it was her.

"Oh, this is _so _going on the front page." Blair turned and saw Jenny and her friends standing outside of Constance, only a few sidewalk squares away. All of the girls except for Jenny had their cell phones out and were taking photos of the scene.

"Do you think he's hurt?" Jenny wondered. She wanted to run over to her brother and ask what happened, but she thought he looked too preoccupied.

"Who cares?" Hazel asked.

"As long as everyone hears that S and C are on hugging terms and that lonelyboy actually screamed when the truck was coming, it's all good!" Isabel exclaimed. The group snickered. Blair felt her blood beginning to boil. Before her mind could even tell her body to stop, Blair was briskly walking over to the group of them. She didn't know what she was going to do; she was too enraged to think. As she neared, she saw that Hazel was holding a chilled mocha latte which was almost filled to the brim. "Let's go. Class is going to start in a few minutes," Isabel said. They all began to turn around.

_"Oh no you're not!" _Blair said. She wanted vengeance. She was tired of listening to their gossip and their slandering. She looked at them once again and thought about what she could possibly do when her hand went through everything. In a desperate moment of infuriation and uncaring that it would do nothing, Blair brought her hand up from under the latte to shove the contents up into Hazel's face. It wasn't until the brown foamy fluid flew into Hazel's fake blonde locks that Blair realized what had happened. She looked at the half-empty latte, astonished.

"Ahhhh!! My hair! It took me three hours to get this perm!" Hazel exclaimed hysterically. She looked at her group of friends. "Which one of you knocked into me?!" All of the girls denied it frenziedly--except for Jenny, who merely replied that she hadn't. "One of you did it! Stop lying!" Hazel yelled, nearly in tears. Blair was finally coming out of her astounded state and beginning to appreciate the situation. She looked at Hazel's hair and started laughing.

"It was probably some passerby who was in a hurry," Isabel suggested. Hazel looked like she wanted to believe them, but she still didn't.

"You better not be pranking me, I swear to God!" she yelled.

"Honest Haze, we didn't," Jenny said. She turned slightly to the side. "Let's forget about it and go, okay?" The girls slowly turned and followed her into the courtyard, dying to get out of the situation. Hazel hesitated before following. Blair doubled over into gales of laughter. She heard a bell ring, and she tried to scalm down.

"See yah Nate."

Blair immediately looked up and saw Nate walking with another guy across the courtyard. It was his lunch period. Blair smiled fiendishly, amazed at how perfect his timing was.

"See you at seventh," Nate said to his buddy. He began to walk towards Blair. Blair smirked and stepped to the side. Nate came close to her, and Blair causally stuck out her foot. Nate's shin got caught on it and he tripped and fell. He looked behind him, shocked. Blair smiled widely at his bemused expression. Nate laughed a little and began to stand up. "I can't believe I just tripped over nothing," he said to himself. As soon as he was on his feet, Blair swung her leg up and forcefully brought her foot up into his behind. Nate jumped forward at the impact and looked behind him once more. Seeing no one once again, he now looked terrified instead of confused. He began to run across the street to a café, leaving Blair to laugh hysterically to herself once again.

Once her laughing jag ceased, Blair walked back to the site of where she saved Chuck. She was surprised to still see Chuck, Dan, and Serena on that sidewalk. They had found a bench and were sipping coffee on it. She saw Chuck talking to both of them, even Dan, trying anything to get over what almost happened to him. They chatted a little while longer before Dan and Serena pulled over a cab and got Chuck inside.

Blair's shoulders rose as she sighed. She looked up at the bright blue sky above her and felt the springtime air enter her lungs. She looked at Chuck's cab once more, knowing that he would be okay--until he got to the Palace, at least. Blair began to walk down the street and, after waving her hand in front of the faces of a kissing Dan and Serena, started skipping her way along. She didn't know why she could suddenly pick things up that she couldn't before. She still didn't know why she could touch Chuck before anything else, and she still didn't know why she remained on earth.

All she knew was that she was beginning to enjoy it.

**End of Chapter II**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's chapter three! This is an unnecessary personal note, but I'm dying to say it: I really despised how the season finale ended. We could have seen Chuck kissing Blair while at the same time carrying her onto the plane to Tuscany, but NOOOOOOOO!! Bart had to get involved all of a sudden! I'm sure that they'll get back together, but still…ug! LOL. Now that my rant is over, I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter!**

**My Saving Grace: Chapter III**

Chuck stood up simultaneously with the other students surrounding him, tucking his cheat sheets into his back pocket. He walked to the front of the classroom and placed his SAT answer key on the instructor's podium. Blair sat on an unoccupied desk in the front, her crossed legs swinging over the side. She shook her head at Chuck and clicked her tongue against her teeth.

"Task tsk, Bass. Cheaters never prosper," Blair said tauntingly. Chuck turned to her and smirked, his eyes glued to her in fascination.

"Funny. We've always done pretty well," Chuck replied.

Blair opened her eyes, coming out of her momentary daydream. Chuck hadn't actually answered her back, though she wished with all of her might that he had. Instead, Chuck turned around and walked out of the classroom. Blair lifted herself off of the desk and followed him. Chuck paced down the halls of the public high school casually, content with what he had done. Blair eyed the strange walls and lockers as though they were museum exhibits.

A week had passed since Blair discovered that she could pick up things. She thought many times about getting a pen and notebook and writing to Chuck, except that she did not just want to hear him talk to her; she wanted to talk to him back. Writing would be too impersonal after everything she had witnessed. She was hoping that she would eventually be able to speak to him since everything else that she wanted had come with time--for some reason. Blair continued playing some pranks on people for fun. She spooked Isabel by removing books out of her locker and dumping them on the floor. Isabel's frenzied screams could be heard throughout Constance that day, and people wondered if she had snapped. The thought still made Blair crack up. She also threw one French fry at Nate every day from different directions. His arm-flailing, bewildered responses never ceased to make Blair laugh.

When all of her friends or ex-friends were in class, Blair often took walks around New York. She went to the shops and enjoyed the salespeople's reactions when they witnessed a floating Prada bag. Blair walked to Central Park on sunny days. Sometimes she sat on a bench and observed the different people that passed by. She was used to the barking dogs and the stray cats that would look at her with suspicious eyes. Blair felt that she had adjusted to her situation, and she loved that powerful feeling.

She still tagged alongside Chuck during the day and slept next to him every night. One time she followed him to Victrola because he was going to show the place to one of Bart's business associates. Chuck and Blair sat on the same couch that they had sat on together before they had sex in the limo. Chuck talked to the businessman a lot, but Blair saw him look over forlornly at where she was sitting on the couch--or where she had sat when she was alive--quite a few times.

Chuck had a routine set for the evening. He would head down to the Palace bar to have a drink and the occasional cigarette before going upstairs to the Bass-Van Der Woodsen suite. Then he'd either watch TV for awhile or slip into his pinstriped pajamas and go to bed. Blair never thought she would see the day when Chuck Bass wasn't partying at night; however, she knew better than anyone that he still wasn't himself. Chuck did not act like he was upset about her everlasting absence during the day, but his eyes did not possess the vivacious glint that they had before. He hadn't said a prayer since the day of her funeral, but Blair found herself wishing that he would pray again. Prayer revealed intimate thoughts, and Blair yearned to hear Chuck's again.

Another bundle of questions entered Blair's mind, as if she could afford any more. She noticed that every single night, Chuck would wake up once and only once. Most of the time his eyes would shoot open. He'd stay awake for a few moments, then he would shake it off and fall back asleep. There were occasions, though, where Chuck would be startled awake as if something had frightened him. He would react either by pulling the quilt closer to his chest or sitting up in bed and taking a few deep breaths before lying back down. Blair immediately tried to console him whenever it happened. It pained her to see Chuck so agitated, and not knowing what the cause was made it worse. She usually rubbed his shoulder or softly patted his back. She told him that it was okay, even though he couldn't hear her. She pushed some sweat-matted hair out of his face when he lied back down and closed his tired eyes. Many times when he would fall back asleep, her hand found its way over to his and their fingers would remain intertwined throughout the night. Blair eventually started holding Chuck's hand even before he woke up. If the window shade was left open, Blair gazed outside at the city lights while wondering if she was trying to soothe Chuck or herself every time she touched him. She admitted that feeling him next to her filled her with comfort and bliss, as though she was alive and made the right decision about who she loved earlier.

The day of the SAT's finally arrived. Chuck had prepared by acquiring answers from a previous St. Jude's student whose friend worked for SAT. Chuck strode out of the public school and breathed in the fresh air. Blair walked through the door and spotted Serena and Dan standing a few inches away from the concrete steps, talking to one another. Chuck approached them in his usual debonair manner, Blair trailing behind.

"Chuck, did you think it was hard?" Serena asked. Chuck smiled knowingly.

"It wasn't bad," he stated convincingly. Blair felt a small laugh escape from her throat.

"Chuck Bass, you sly dog you," Blair said.

"It wasn't my finest hour," Dan quipped. Chuck shrugged, then looked at Serena.

"I'm heading back to the Palace. I'm having a meeting with my father today. See you later?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah. Tell mom that Dan and I went to lunch if you see her."

"I will." Chuck nodded to Dan before walking past them both.

"Well, he's been courteously out-of-character lately," Dan said once Chuck was out of an audible range.

"I know. It's almost creepy," Serena said. They did not need to say aloud what the reason was; they both knew. Blair was about to follow Chuck when suddenly Serena's cell phone rang. Serena reached into her purse and checked the caller's name.

"Is it her again?" Dan asked. Blair looked at them both questioningly.

"Yeah. I'm not answering," Serena said. She put her phone back in her purse. "Come on, let's go." She grabbed Dan's hand and they leisurely began to walk away.

Blair's curious nature began to take over her mind. She hadn't thought about what was happening between Serena and the person that she was telling Dan about that one day. Blair hadn't considered the matter important, but Dan's tone of voice implied that the person's calls were often and unwanted occurrences. Blair smirked, deciding it was about time to do some ghostly snooping.

She ran to Serena and swiftly reached into her purse. Feeling the plastic top under her fingertips, Blair grabbed and pulled her arm out of the purse. The second she had a hold of the cell phone, she imagined herself in the deserted courtyard of Constance Billard. She didn't want anyone to see a cell phone lingering in the air. She especially did not want anyone to try to take it from her if they were gutsy enough. Once she arrived at Constance, Blair flipped open the phone and went to Serena's message inbox. She did not find a single text message, but there were two voicemails. Blair went to the voicemail and put the phone to her ear. She pressed the number one to access the first message.

"Hey Serena, it's me for the one millionth time. I am seriously going to kill you for not picking up. You better have lost your phone. Where were you when I asked you to meet me at the bar Saturday night? You know that ignoring me won't make me go away."

Blair immediately recognized the grating voice. She pressed the number one to listen to the second message, the one that was left only a few seconds before.

"Guess who?! Just to let you know that this is your final warning. If you don't answer any of these calls from now on, there will be consequences. You can call me back to save yourself or keep on ignoring me. It's your funeral."

Blair flipped the phone's top down, her head spinning.

_"Georgina the Great Slut is back in town? Since when?" _Georgina Sparks used to be one of Serena's closest friends, not to mention the girl who Chuck lost his virginity to. Blair wondered if Chuck knew that Georgina had returned. Georgina had to be who Serena mentioned to Dan both times. It made the most sense; it sounded like Georgina wanted to party the way she did before Serena went away. Blair leaned up against the brick wall, her one arm lying on top of the other. Her lips pursed as she continued to think. _"What exactly were those things that S was talking about at breakfast that one morning? Did Georgina send them? And what consequences is she talking about?" _Blair abruptly realized that Serena had to hear the last message. She did not know what consequences Georgina referred to, but her annoying voice sounded very threatening. Blair imagined herself at wherever Serena and Dan were. In an instant she was standing in front of a restaurant patio table. The couple was sitting at the table and discussing Rufus's band and other musicians. Blair quickly dropped the cell phone before either of them noticed it hovering. The phone made a noise as it hit the ground, which was what Blair intended. Serena looked down.

"Oh my gosh! My cell phone!" Serena picked it up and examined it. Then she looked at Dan. "Did I lie it down on the table?"

"I don't remember what happened three minutes ago let alone when we first sat down," Dan joked. Blair felt anxiety building up in her stomach.

"Come on S, check the message!" Blair exclaimed. She knew from the past how much trouble Georgina was capable of causing. Serena glanced at the phone once again.

"I thought I put it in my purse…" She paused. Blair was becoming more overwrought by the second. Dan slurped the bottom of his once-filled Pepsi glass, making a sucking noise with the straw. Blair scowled at him, wanting to tear the straw out of his mouth. Finally Serena spoke again, her cheeks pink with embarrassment. "My brain is so fried from that SAT that I can't even remember what I did with my phone. I feel so silly." Serena reached for her purse and placed the phone inside it as Blair shrieked.

"No, open it up and check it!" Blair shouted. She marched to Serena's purse and whipped the phone out. Then she slowly brought it up onto the table as Dan and Serena laughed loudly about something, oblivious as to what she was doing. Blair pushed the phone over to Serena's plate, and when her friend looked down again she nearly had a heart attack.

"Dan…the phone just appeared on the table!" Serena yelled. Dan glimpsed at it, then laughed a little.

"Good one, Serena," Dan said.

"I'm not joking! I put the phone in my purse and now it's up here!" Blair knew the moment was intense, but she couldn't help laughing at Serena's freaked-out expression.

"Yeah right, and I'm Hugh Heffner," Dan said randomly.

"Dan!" Serena exclaimed. Dan raised an eyebrow, surprised at how serious she looked.

"Are you sure you put it back in your purse?" he asked.

"Positive!" Serena grabbed her purse, tossed the phone in it, and zipped up the top pocket. "I put it in there now, right?"

"Yeah," Dan said, feeling weird himself. Blair shook her head in disappointment.

_"Mission not accomplished." _She was about to go to Chuck when an impulsive idea entered her head. Another smirk spread across her face as she bent down to get Serena's purse.

"I think the Rolling Stones were cool and their songs were great, but--" Dan stopped in mid-sentence, his eyes popping out of their sockets. "Serena, is that your cell phone?" Serena looked down and saw the phone lying across the top of her drink glass. For the next minute the combined noise of horns, voices, and sirens ringing throughout the Upper East Side was drowned out by an ear-piercing, horrified screech. Blair's hooting laughter would have sounded just as shrill could it be heard by living, human ears. Once Blair calmed down, she figured that she tried her best and decided to try to solve the mystery behind the threats. She wasn't going to let Georgina mess with any her friends. She may have been dead, but she was still Blair Waldorf.

Blair imagined herself with Chuck at the Palace. If she had waited a few seconds longer to leave, she would have seen Serena answer her bleeping phone and scream again once she viewed the message inside.

* * *

Blair arrived in the Palace's main hall, which had an entryway to the bar and restaurant attached to it. She stood at the foot of a wooden staircase that could be taken instead of the elevator. Blair looked from left to right for Chuck. Not seeing him, she dissatisfiedly turned and faced the staircase, the gleaming sunlight from some upper windows casting down upon the area. Blair peered at the bar entryway as she wondered if Chuck was in there. When she heard footsteps from the level of stairs above her, Blair twisted back to the staircase inquiringly. Chuck appeared at the top step, dressed in a freshly-pressed navy blue suit. He placed one hand on the handrail and seemed to walk elegantly down the steps in slow motion. Blair tried to bring a hand to her chin to push her jaw back together, but her body wasn't responding to her commands. Chuck turned his gaze towards the opening that led to the Palace's dining room, which was overflowing with people. He cracked a little smile, thinking about how well everything had worked out for his father. Blair took a mental picture, hoping that she would dream for the first time later that night. When Chuck reached the bottom of the staircase and unknowingly stood directly in front of Blair, he straightened out the lapel of his suit coat and walked towards the bar. Blair finally breathed, and upon doing so her nostrils were filled with the combined, intoxicating aroma of Chuck's cologne and Old Spice shampoo.

_"He must have taken a quick shower," _Blair thought. Her lips curved upward and she suppressed a giggle before she took off after Chuck. They passed the people in the dining area of the restaurant and walked to the bar. The bartender smiled as he saw the young Bass drawing near.

"Your father again, Charles?" he asked. Chuck sat on one of the stools and placed his arms on the bar counter. He smiled, not seeming the least bit nervous. Blair knew better.

"He and I are going to discuss the progress of Victrola today," Chuck said. "He's meeting me here."

"Evaluations. They're always the worst." The bartender pulled out a scotch glass as Blair took a seat next to Chuck. "The usual?" he asked.

"Yeah, and I'll probably have to shout out to Alfonzo for a sandwich," Chuck said.

"Can't face Bart on an empty stomach," the bartender said. Chuck blew some air out through his mouth and drummed his fingers on the counter. Blair didn't know that Bart conversed with Chuck about Victrola, but it seemed logical since it was Chuck's idea to invest in the burlesque house. She laid her head down on the counter and watched Chuck take a sip of his drink and smoothen his damp hair with one hand. She jerked upright as she saw an unwanted someone strutting towards him.

"Well well, if it isn't the devil himself." Georgina Sparks stared down at Chuck through half-closed eyes. "How have you been since I left, Bass junior?" Chuck put his glass down and gazed at her as though he had something sour in his mouth.

"Much better," Chuck commented snidely.

"You haven't changed," Georgina said. She bounced over to the stool on Chuck's opposite side. Blair glared at her fiercely. "From the scotch to the shoes, you're still the same."

"Cut to the chase, Sparks," Chuck said, obviously annoyed with her. "What do you want? I heard you were back in town." Georgina grinned slimily.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Why did you send those things to Serena, anyway?" Chuck inquired.

_"So that was something with her!" _Blair thought, feeling proud of her powers of deduction. _"Serena must have thought Chuck sent them."_

Georgina leaned over, grabbed Chuck's scotch glass, and downed the entire remaining liquid. Blair gaped as if it were the most grotesque sight that she had ever seen. Chuck acted like he was unbothered by her action. Once she finished, Georgina placed the glass back on the counter and sighed in satisfaction.

"You do know that you're going to pay me for that," Chuck stated.

"I have no money, Chuckiekins." Blair frowned at hearing that Georgina had a name for him. She gripped the edge of the bar counter with such pressure that her nails eventually went through it. Chuck grimaced at his irksome visitor.

"Alright then, answer me instead. Why are you back and why did you send those things?" Chuck asked. Blair observed when she was alive that Chuck wouldn't back down until he got the information he wanted. It was a trait that she admired, and somehow reminded her of herself. Georgina bent down close to Chuck and prepared to whisper her next words. Blair felt her chest heaving as she remembered the one night that they shared together back in sixth grade. She felt her face turning fire-engine red. Georgina breathed hotly near Chuck's neck before bringing her lips to his ears. She brought her arm up and put it around the back of Chuck's neck with a cocky, close-mouthed laugh. Terrible visions of Chuck with Georgina in bed popped into Blair's mind, and instantaneously her limbs begin to shake violently.

"Check your phone, Charlie dear. It will all be explained," Georgina murmured. Chuck did not look affected by her at all, a fact that Blair kept telling herself in an attempt to calm down. Georgina removed her arm, smiled alluringly at Chuck one last time, and began to walk toward the staircase.

"If you're going to go look for Serena in our suite, she's not there," Chuck called out, not even looking at her. Georgina stopped in her tracks and turned back to him.

"Why would I believe you?" she asked. "Besides, it's not necessary that I see her, but I would prefer if I did." Chuck kept staring into his empty scotch glass as Blair furiously faced Georgina. Georgina cocked her head to the side and noticed a familiar face sauntering towards the bar. "It looks like you're going to be pretty occupied. I'll see you later." Georgina turned and walked away. Blair stood up off of the stool aggressively, wishing that she had tripped Georgina or dumped something on her head while she had the chance.

"No you won't!" Blair yelled viciously.

"No you won't," Chuck said resentfully to himself. Blair gazed at him and felt her face soften. Her breathing became normal as she sat down on the stool again. Chuck checked to make sure that Georgina was gone before reaching for his cell phone in his pants. Blair placed her throbbing head in her hand. She never felt such extreme jealousy before in her life. Not even when Serena got a lot of attention or when Nate talked to another girl while they were going out. Blair was so lost in self-assessment that she did not even notice the person that Georgina referred to approaching.

"I knew that I would find you here," Nate said. Blair's head shot up. She could not believe that Nate had the audacity to try to speak to Chuck again. She thought about how funny it would be if she overturned a strawberry daiquiri in Nate's hair. Chuck's head spun to the side slowly. He stared at his old best friend with revulsion in his eyes. He let out a small, sarcastic laugh as he turned away from Nate and placed his phone back into his pocket.

"And just when I thought that I already saw the most horrible person in the world," Chuck said. He pushed himself off of the stool, thinking about telling his father that he would meet him elsewhere.

"Chuck, please!" Nate beseeched. He stood close to Chuck, becoming a desperate barrier to escape. "I need to talk to you!" Chuck faced Nate again, his dark eyes seething. For a split second Nate's blood ran cold.

"I think you've used up all of the words you could ever say to me," Chuck said viciously. Blair got up off the stool and ran close to where Nate stood to get a better view of them both.

"I came to tell you that I'm sorry," Nate said with a gulp. Chuck's countenance of detest formed into one of amusement.

"Nathaniel, you're so naïve." Chuck slyly looked down at the counter and noticed that the bartender had refilled his glass. Chuck picked it up with one hand and wiped Georgina's bright pink lipstick off with the other. His long fingers continued to swirl the glass around in his hand when he looked back at Nate belittlingly. "Saying that you're sorry doesn't change a thing. I learned that firsthand when I tried apologizing to you. You meant what you said that day; otherwise it wouldn't have come out of your mouth. I don't know how Blair accepted all of your apologies over the years, but you're delusional if you expect me to do the same." Blair's eyes wandered to the floor as she remembered all of the forgiving that she had done and how Nate would not forgive her for sleeping with Chuck. Nate began to stutter, still affected by Chuck's tone and mannerisms.

"I know…I know that I took her for granted." Blair's eyes darted back up again, shocked that he actually said it. Chuck put both of his hands on the glass as he eyed Nate disbelievingly. The blonde boy's shoulders moved up and down as if he was gathering up courage to go into battle. "What I said was completely uncalled for. I've felt terrible ever since I said it. It's literally been killing me, and I knew that unless I came to you and apologized that I would never get over it." Chuck closed his slightly parted mouth and continued looking at Nate skeptically. He sat down again and Nate sat on the stool next to him. Blair's eyes remained focused on the both of them, not knowing how to respond to what was happening in front of her. "You know," Nate spoke again, "that hurt my pride to admit."

"As it should. Even more degrading to your pride is hearing that a girl is better off dead than with you." Chuck took a sip of his scotch and placed the glass back on the counter.

"I really am sorry, Chuck. I was angry and stupid and…everything else…" Nate lost his words. Chuck faced him again dispiritedly.

"Why did you even say it, Nathaniel?" Chuck's face gave the impression that it was paining him to ask the question. Nate fumbled to find an answer. Chuck sighed heavily, his next words spoken in a hushed, cracked voice. "I didn't think you hated me that much." Blair couldn't remember a time when Chuck had sounded so dismal in front of anyone besides her, and she only heard because she was a nosy and caring ghost. It made her heart bleed.

"I know that I said I hated you, but I don't," Nate said. "I was just upset and you were talking so nastily and--"

"I only said what I thought was true," Chuck stated. He looked at his watch, away from Nate's piteous gaze.

"I don't hate you Chuck. I never did. I was mad beyond belief but I could never hate you. I mean, come on man, you're my best friend." Chuck's eyes focused on his shoes. Blair watched the two men in captivation, the entire world around her drifting away. She felt almost malicious, for she wanted Nate to be sorry but she didn't want him to be forgiven. She just could not bring herself to let it go. Nate hurting her repeatedly she could take; Nate hurting Chuck was another story. All she could think about was when Chuck ran to the bar after Nate said what he did. She clearly remembered his distraught face as he filled his glass over and over again. She remembered how sick her stomach had felt as she watched him.

"Chuck!" His name fell desperately from her lips as if it was the last word she'd ever speak. In her mind he turned and looked at her pleadingly, but she didn't know what to say.

Chuck's eyes finally looked up at Nate, though his head remained tilted slightly downward. Once intimidating, his eyes now looked like those of a rebuffed puppy. He shook his head slowly.

"Best friends don't say those kinds of things to each other. Not even when they're mad." Nate gaped at him for a few minutes, his face drawn out sadly. Chuck grabbed his drink again and took back a slug. He wiped his mouth before speaking again. "I know I shouldn't have slept with Blair, and I know I shouldn't have kept seeing her. But I couldn't help the way I felt about her or how I still feel about her." Blair became ecstatic, as if it were the first time that Chuck had said that he cared about her. She felt as light as a feather and wouldn't be surprised if she discovered herself floating in the air. Chuck dragged one finger along the shiny counter, his eyes sorrowfully holding Nate's. "I know you want everything that happened to just go away, Nathaniel. But the truth is it's not going to. I did what I did and you said what you said. No matter how hard we both wish, nothing can reverse that." It was Nate's turn to look away. Blair didn't blink as she waited for one of them to talk again. On other side of the bar, a glass fell to the floor and shattered.

"I wasn't expecting immediate forgiveness," Nate finally said. He rubbed his head. "I know what I said was awful." Chuck faced the bar but he glanced at Nate from the corners of his eyes. After another few silent minutes, Nate began to stand up shakily. "I just wanted to let you know that I regret it. I'm sorry, Chuck."

"So am I."

Nate looked at his old best friend once more before turning around and dejectedly walking away. Blair saw Nate's lower lip quiver as though he was about to cry. His footsteps hitting the floor seemed to echo until he was gone, and then the noise of the surrounding world took over once again. Chuck put his folded arms on the counter and buried his head in them. Blair ran to him, her mind still lost in the conversation that had taken place. Both of the men felt guilty and hurt for different reasons revolving around the same subject: her. Flashbacks of Chuck and Nate laughing and hanging out since preschool appeared in Blair's mind, and she felt like crying herself. It was obvious that the two wanted to be friends again but there was too much damage done. Blair slid next to Chuck melancholically, wishing more than ever that she could go back.

"I can't help but feel responsible," Blair said. She looked at Chuck. "We should have told Nate about us. I should have told him how I felt." She leaned her head on his shoulder. Chuck lifted his head up slowly and Blair firmly brought her arm around him. She closed her eyes and listened to him breathe in and out softly. She smiled, relaxing as she smelt his cologne and fought the urge to flirtatiously play with his navy blue tie. "We'd be together, he'd get over it after awhile, and we'd all have fun before I was sentenced to Upper East Side afterlife. I'd be gone and you'd be sad, but at least you'd have your friend."

"Charles."

Both Blair and Chuck jumped at the loud, low voice. Chuck swiveled around on the stool to greet his father as Blair let go of him and caught her breath.

"Good afternoon, father," Chuck said. Bart walked over to the stool that Blair was sitting on.

_"Aw crud." _Blair immediately jumped off the stool and ran through Bart so that he wouldn't sit on her. She stood next to Chuck and watched as Bart shook.

"Do we have working furnaces in this hotel?" Bart asked.

"Last I heard, yes," Chuck replied, eyeing his father confoundedly.

"I've been getting random cold spells lately," Bart said. Chuck looked like he wanted to laugh, mostly to get his mind off of the exchange he had with Nate moments before.

"You're getting up there," Chuck joked. Bart put his hand on Chuck's shoulder.

"And I've still got my charisma."

"You're in a good mood today," Chuck commented. Blair agreed. It was peculiar and out of character for Chuck's father to act so happily.

"I made a good business deal, that's why. How are you doing?" Bart asked. Blair noticed that he didn't ask about the SAT. Chuck's cover-up smile appeared on his face.

"Never felt better."

* * *

Blair listened to Chuck and Bart discuss business for a little while before she found herself falling asleep from boredom. She went to the Bass Van Der Woodsen suite to see if Serena was there, but she wasn't back yet. Blair started to get anxious. Serena and Dan's dates never lasted for many hours--at least, not that she knew of. Unless S and lonelyboy were getting it on, she could think of nothing else that would keep her best friend for so long. Blair went back to the bar to return to the one person that calmed her when she was feeling unsettled.

"I'll be right back, Charles. I need to use the restroom," Bart said, standing up.

"Take your time," Chuck replied. As soon as his father was gone, Chuck reached for his cell phone. Blair stood behind him and examined the phone's bright screen from over his shoulder. She laughed slightly.

"Just like old times," Blair said. Chuck pressed a button and opened an unread message. That was when he felt like throwing up. Blair stared at the text that he had received:

**Hey Upper East Siders! Gossip Girl here with some serious dirt to dish. Just when we thought that S had reformed her old ways, we could not have been more wrong. A reliable source tells me that she did not run off to boarding school a year ago to escape the recently deceased Queen B; she was running from the ghost of Pete Smith. You all remember Pete. He was the drug addict who G hung around with for a while before she left, and by 'hung around' I mean rocked his bed at night. Anyways, it turns out that S slipped him the drugs that caused the epileptic reaction that led to his death. Ouch, S! How long did you think you could keep this one from me? Shame, shame, shame; you know I'm everywhere. And you know you love me. XOXO.**

Blair no longer needed to solve anything; Georgina's plot had unfolded itself. Blair could not believe the revealing words in front of her eyes. She didn't care about Serena handing Pete the drugs, since she didn't directly cause him to die.

_"But how could she keep that from me for so long?" _Blair wondered. Chuck snapped his phone shut and frowned at the empty bar as if it had just insulted him. Blair stared at him, beginning to get tremendously excited. She knew the look on his face; she recognized the fury in his eyes. The unyielding, uncontrollable fury that could only be satisfied by vengeance…

"Oh my God Chuck, you're back!" Blair exclaimed. She laughed cheerily and threw her arms around him as he continued to stare intensely at absolutely nothing in front of him. The scene would look comical to any hotel passerby if they were able to view Blair.

"I'm back," Bart said, beaming as he flounced to his son. Chuck looked at him, his eyes conveying a sense of urgency.

"Father, I have to go," Chuck said. Just as he suspected, Bart's atypical, good-humored manner became bitter and firm.

"Why?" Bart asked sharply. "We're almost done."

"I'm sorry, and I'll explain later, but right now I have to take care of something," Chuck explained hurriedly. "Someone needs my help." His father scoffed.

"If by that you mean assisting a woman in unhooking her bra, then I'm extremely disappointed in you," Bart snapped. His comment took Blair's breath away and it didn't return for a matter of minutes. Whenever she started to suspect that Bart could not speak any more rudely, he managed to prove her exceptionally wrong. Chuck rose from his seat, as casual as could be.

"I'm used to hearing you say that," Chuck said. "Even when you're only assuming what I'm about to do."

"Well, that's saying something sad, isn't it?" Bart asked. Blair saw Chuck's hands tighten as though he were squeezing two stress balls.

"I don't have time for this." Chuck spun on his heels and walked toward the staircase, leaving his frustrated father with nothing except alcohol and shame. Once Blair knocked a filled glass onto Bart's lap while he wasn't looking, he only had shame. Chuck rapidly walked past the wooden staircase and down the narrow hallway. Blair caught up and strolled with him until they reached the Palace doors. Chuck stopped and grabbed his cell phone. He began texting a message to Serena. Blair leaned forward and peered at what he was writing:

**You'll be fine, sis. I'll take care of her. C. **

He pressed send and then threw open one of the large doors with one hand. Chuck vigorously walked down the steps and over to the center of the Palace's front terrace. After calling his limo driver he dialed a number that he had memorized in sixth grade. Blair watched him the entire time with enthrallment. She was beginning to recognize the self-confident Chuck who she used to know. As Chuck brought the phone to his ear, Blair heard the other line ring twice. She was already smiling at the thought of what he would say or do.

"I knew you would call," Blair heard Georgina say. The sound of her aggravating voice made Blair wince.

"You know nothing," Chuck said assuredly. Blair heard Georgina laugh mockingly.

"I do. I know everything about everyone before you do, Chuck my dear. Including that your almost-stepsister killed someone. That didn't settle too well with big daddy, did it?"

"He doesn't know," Chuck said, "and Serena didn't kill that guy."

"She gave him the drugs, Chuck!" Georgina laughed maniacally as if Chuck was stupid. "Of course she killed him!"

"He didn't have to take it."

"Is that what you really called about? You actually took time out of your day to try to defend Serena's honor which is already publically destroyed?" Georgina asked. Blair could tell that Chuck wanted to say something smart-alecky but he held his tongue.

"No, there's more. Where are you?" Chuck asked.

"I'm at my hotel," Georgina said. "You can come here. You know how much I love rendezvousing with you."

"Loved," Chuck corrected gruffly. He glowered before writing down her hotel's address. Blair internally cheered, thrilled that he was going to tell her off in person. "I'll see you in a few," Chuck said, and then he hung up.

* * *

Blair leaned against the elevator wall and looked at Chuck, who did not seem uneasy at all. His nonchalant attitude made her even more excited. She loved when he insulted people who deserved it and acted like he could care less while they fumed. The elevator dinged and the silver doors opened. After a few steps down the darkened hallway, Chuck and Blair were standing in front of Georgina's hotel room. Chuck rapped on the wooden door with his knuckles. Georgina's witchy face greeted them milliseconds later.

"I must say, I didn't expect you to be this upfront so quickly," Georgina said, an irritating smirk playing across her lips. Chuck pushed her out of the way and gained admittance to the hotel room. Blair walked through Georgina purposely with her nose in the air, and Georgina shivered.

"I figured that bluntness was the best way to get the bitch out," Chuck said. Georgina closed the door, rubbing her upper arms quickly for warmth.

"Chuck Bass titles me a bitch? I'm flattered," Georgina said, smug even though she was freezing. Blair wanted to slap the irritating smirk still plastered on Georgina's face. Chuck glowered at her.

"You basically have two options, Sparks. You can go back to wherever you came from and stay there, or you can remain in New York and deal with the things that I intend to do to you." Georgina cackled piercingly, sending chills down Blair's spine. She suddenly felt the urge to jump behind Chuck.

"Why Charles, I didn't think you'd be dreaming of this day for so long! Will we be using toys or not?" Georgina asked. Blair wrathfully walked halfway over to Georgina, her fists raised and ready, before she stopped herself. Blair sighed and grabbed her hair with her hands just to put them anywhere but in Georgina's face.

_"Calm down. She's just saying these things to psyche Chuck out. You're letting her have too much power over you," _Blair thought.

"You're such a useless whore," Chuck said. Blair's eyes widened. She had never before heard him use such a term. Georgina's arrogant face fell; the cocky smile completely vanished.

"Look who's talking," she said back bitterly.

"At least I didn't start when I was three," Chuck said. Blair tried to assuage herself with mild laughter at his remark.

"No, you started when you were two," Georgina said. Chuck snorted at the lame comeback; she knew when he had started. Georgina wandered over to the window and exhaled loudly. "I'm not going anywhere. I've been locked away at boarding school for years, and all the while I died to be here again. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"I knew you would say that," Chuck stated.

"What's with the warning?" Georgina asked, turning her head slightly towards him. "You never caution anyone and offer them an out before you do your dirty work."

"Let's just say that I care about a certain almost-sibling of mine that came to my aid one day, and the sooner that I would get you out of here the better it is for her," Chuck said coolly. He drummed his fingers on his thigh. "I know that you won't stop sending things to Gossip Girl and doing other lousy things until she becomes your friend again, which is highly unlikely. You are a crazy freak, after all." Blair was again shocked by Chuck's blatant insult. His comments were usually very clever and well-planned, not just a slur. Then again, Blair knew that with Georgina, no ingenuity was needed to slander. She flew off the handle a lot in the past, which was part of why Blair didn't like her. Georgina ignored Chuck's remark.

"I have a lot of things that I can say about her." Georgina stroked the silk red curtain of the window. "Things that not even the great Blair Waldorf knew." Blair frowned, her eyebrows lowering. Chuck flinched at her sarcastic tone when mentioning Blair, trying to control his rage. Georgina gasped in delight. Her face took the form of a young child's on Christmas morning. "Oh my God, I hit a soft spot!" She cackled again. "That's right…I looked at Gossip Girl's old posts. You had a thing with her, didn't you?" Blair felt ill. Chuck pretended like Georgina hadn't seen him react to her words.

"I guess the challenge is on, then. If you won't leave, I'll make you leave," Chuck said menacingly. He began to turn around. Blair sighed out of relief and began to follow him out. She was more than glad to be getting out of there.

"Chuck."

Chuck faced his nemesis again.

"What?" he asked. Georgina looked at him with large, glistening eyes. She seemed insecure about something. Blair raised an eyebrow.

"I'll leave New York. I'll leave and neither you nor Serena nor anyone else will ever hear from me again. I'll go, but I'll need something in return."

"What? Money for your drugs?" Chuck asked.

"No," Georgina replied. Thinking about what she said before, Chuck became defensive.

"If you want me to tell you anything about Blair, I'll--!"

"No, I don't want information either." Georgina crossed her arms. She turned and fully faced him. "It's going to sound crazy…" She looked down as though she felt silly. When she looked back up again, Blair saw that she felt the exact opposite.

"I want you, Chuck."

Blair nearly fainted. Georgina swaggered forward with a devilish grin. Chuck saw his appalled reflection in her gigantic, desire-filled eyes.

"I want you."

**End of Chapter III. **


	4. Chapter 4

****

I know this is up really soon, but I had one of those days where I couldn't stop writing. I hope you guys like it!

**WARNING: The following chapter is rated T for violence, sexual references, and curse words. Reader discretion is advised. **

**My Saving Grace: Chapter IV**

If Blair Waldorf was an uncontrollably aggressive person, Georgina Sparks would probably have been out of the window and falling to her death. However, Blair Waldorf was not murderous; she was just furious that a slut was proposing to bed the man she loved. Being killed was one thing; being a killer was another.

Chuck stared at Georgina as though she had two heads. Blair frenetically scouted the room, looking for anything she could use to stop Georgina. Her brain was turning a mile a minute with ideas that she could not follow through with.

_"I can't beat her up," _Blair thought. _"I'm not like that. I'm Blair Waldorf, I don't physically fight anyone. Plus she can't even hit me back. She'd go right through me." _Georgina's cackling laughter reverberated in her ears, which caused her to grit her teeth.

"Why the shocked expression, Chuck?! I thought you were used to hearing women say that to you!" Georgina exclaimed.

"You're not a woman. You're a psycho," Chuck said hatefully. Georgina laughed, her lips shut.

"Take a look in the mirror, why don't cha. This psycho made you, Charles Bartholomew Bass." She stepped even closer until her body was pressed against his. "This psycho started it all." Chuck backed away from her fiercely. Blair yelped, searching about the room again.

_"What can I do to stop her?!" _she asked herself, feeling utterly helpless.

"You're joking," Chuck said suspiciously. "You're saying that if I sleep with you, you're just going to leave without a fight and never come back?" Blair's thoughts halted as she looked at the two of them with doe eyes.

"I swear on my life that I'll never return," Georgina said. Chuck continued glaring at her distrustfully. "You don't believe me," Georgina said, her overwrought voice displaying her offended attitude.

"Not in the least," Chuck said. Blair sighed in relief, yet she found herself unsurprised. Chuck would never fall for a lie like Georgina's, especially since he knew how she was. Georgina laughed again.

"Oh come on, Chuck! It's not like you wouldn't enjoy it! I was your first!"

"The first girl I ever walked in on doing another guy while I still liked her," Chuck said. He scowled. "Although I should have seen it coming." Blair was astonished at his confession.

_"That's why Chuck was openly insulting her," _Blair thought. She wondered quickly if Georgina was part of the reason why Chuck became a womanizer. She came to the conclusion that Georgina was only one of the numerous factors.

"I was young and stupid. We were both young and inexperienced." Georgina groaned, but not in an angry way. "I still remember that room…and your face…" Blair and Chuck listened to her, utterly horror-stricken, even though they tried many times to block out her voice. "The way your legs trembled beneath mine…"

"Stop it," Chuck demanded, his voice strained. Georgina didn't listen, and Chuck turned his head away from her. Blair was so revolted and stunned that she could do nothing but gape at the two of them. Her brain had gone from working overtime to controlled mush.

"Your voice in my ear…'more, Georgina…oh God, Georgina…'"

"Shut up!" Chuck yelled. Georgina stood directly under him so that he looked straight into her owl-like eyes.

"More."

Not knowing what else she could do and very desperate, Blair picked up a glass vase that was on the center of a nearby table and threw it to the ground. It shattered into pieces noisily, causing Georgina to jump. She looked behind her and shrugged at the broken item. If she could have seen the menacing look on Blair's face, she would have been filled with much more fright.

"It must have been the wind that knocked it over," Georgina said, not remembering that all of the windows in her apartment were closed. She laughed at Chuck's reddened, discombobulated facial expression. "Got you turned on pretty good, didn't I?" She smiled proudly and let out another laugh that made both Chuck and Blair's stomachs churn. "God, I love messing with your mind, Chuck. And I know exactly how to do it." Chuck glowered at her.

"You're sick," Chuck sneered.

"I know." Georgina giggled in her throat. "You couldn't get enough of it a few years ago. Don't sweat, Chuckiekins; my little words even made me hot. After all, I was the first person to touch you where you were dying to be touched." Georgina reached her hand out and grabbed Chuck's arm. Blair felt her limbs shaking the way they had when Georgina whispered to Chuck at the bar. Her entire being became filled with a hatred that she never thought that she could feel. Enough was enough.

_"Screw not hurting! No slut touches my man!" _Blair ran over, ready to kick Georgina down and then kick her a million times more. She kept seeing Georgina's hand grasping Chuck's arm over and over again in her mind. But before she could reach her, Chuck grabbed Georgina's arm and forcefully tossed it off of his. Georgina let out a gasp of pain, for Chuck had yanked very harshly. Blair stopped, not believing what she had almost done.

"Keep your hands off of me," Chuck snarled.

"That's right, Chuck. Toss away the hand that fed you scraps before you had the feast." Georgina sniggered. "You're such a bastard." She raised both of her eyebrows at one time, her mouth curved upward. "I wouldn't have you any other way."

"You won't have me at all," Chuck growled. He turned in the direction of the door. Blair relaxed a little and thought about how close she had been to pounding Georgina until she was literally unconscious. Blair admitted to herself that she did not like some of the things that she thought about doing while she was a ghost. However, she did not fret as Chuck called back to Georgina. "I can't wait to screw you over, you slut."

"Oh, you can screw me, alright."

Blair's arms quaked.

_"Don't do it, Blair…don't do it!" _Blair reached over and knocked down a photograph in a ceramic frame in frustration. Georgina turned around, this time more annoyed. "What the hell?!" she exclaimed.

"Run Chuck, run! Get out of here!" Blair yelled. _"I'm so going to haunt this bitch back to the Stone Age!" _Chuck bolted for the door.

"Just a minute, Chuck," Georgina said. "You still haven't gotten the answer to the question you've been dying to ask." Chuck's hand was on the brass doorknob. He paused.

_"Oh no," _Blair thought. She knew that Chuck never turned down information, especially if it was an answer to something he had wondered about. "Don't turn around, Chuck! Go!" Blair yelled. She felt desperate tears building up in her eyes. She sniffled, pleading: "Don't acknowledge her, just go!"

Chuck slowly turned his head towards Georgina.

"Oh really? And what question is that?" Chuck asked snidely. Georgina smirked, taking immense pleasure in what she was about to say.

_"Oh God…" _Blair felt her hands shaking as she brought them to her face. Georgina was only a few steps away. _"No," _Blair commanded herself. _"You don't hurt anyone. Don't even think about it. She'd be absolutely defenseless." _

"You've been wondering this whole time exactly why I want to have sex with you," Georgina said. Chuck stared at her with revulsion, not denying it. "Well," Georgina said, "maybe I've just been gone for a long time and want someone who could satisfy me. An all-girls reform school does get awfully lonely. Or maybe I saw you earlier at the bar and acted on an impulsive attraction." She walked forward. Chuck stood up straight, more prepared for her words then before. Blair stood firmly as well. Georgina inhaled deeply before looking up at him and speaking in a sleazy murmur. "Or maybe I just want to hear you say that you need me the way I know you still need Blair Waldorf."

Blair felt her mouth drop open, realizing that she truly wasn't ready for Georgina's words at all. Georgina was so desperate for friendship and for love that she'd do anything to get them--even if that "anything" went past the point of being normal.

_"She really is a psychopath!" _Blair thought. Chuck eyed Georgina, his face displaying his spite and disgust.

"I'll never need you for anything, let alone as much as I need her." Chuck pulled the door open and he stepped out of its path. Blair's moment of lighthearted happiness was interrupted when the wooden door smacked Georgina in the head. She screeched as Chuck walked out through the doorway. Georgina grabbed Chuck's shoulder and tried to pull him back.

"You can't say no to me!" she exclaimed freakishly. Chuck's eyes moved to her forehead and he cringed at the large, deep mark that the door had made. It was already surrounded by a light purple, red, and yellowish color.

"Maybe you should have someone look at that," Chuck said.

"I need you!" Georgina exclaimed. She began to cry. "You don't know what it's like! I've lost all my friends and I've never had an actual boyfriend! You're all I have, Chuck!"

"All that you had," Chuck corrected maliciously. "It's your own fault. You need help, Georgina." She breathed deeply and wiped the snot dribbling out of her nose.

"I do NOT need help!" She began thrashing her arms around until Chuck grabbed hold of them. He looked down at her until she stopped heaving.

"You do," Chuck said, the edge lessening from his voice. He brought her arms down to her sides before dropping them. "I can have my father arrange something for you."

"I don't need doctors and I don't need boundaries and I don't need restrictions!" Georgina screamed. Blair stood behind them in the doorway. She realized that Georgina was probably listing off things that her parents or teachers told her that she needed. Georgina whimpered, deciding to make one last ditch effort. "I need you, Chuck!"

"No Georgina. You want someone to need you." Chuck turned away from her and began pacing quickly down the hallway to get to the stairs, thankful that the nightmare was over. He wasn't going to risk waiting for the elevator. Blair was about to run through Georgina and chase after him, until Georgina turned around and furiously ran through Blair herself. She shuddered and wept as she did. Blair watched her questioningly as she dashed to the broken pieces of the glass vase on the ground. She picked some of the bigger pieces up and placed them in her cupped hands. Then she stood up and ran in Blair's direction. Blair froze, alarmed as she realized what Georgina was about to do.

"Oh my God!" Blair shouted. She reached for the doorknob to shut Georgina into the room, but it was too late. Georgina ran through her and down the hallway to the top of the staircase. Chuck was more than halfway down when he heard her scream.

"I was the best you've ever had, you son of a bitch!" Georgina exclaimed. Chuck turned and saw Georgina raising a piece of glass over her head, poised and ready to throw it.

Blair ran down the hall, her heart pounding in her ears. Adrenaline pulsated through her body as she imagined the terrifying thing that Georgina was about to do. Tears continued streaming from her eyes as she imagined glass slicing Chuck's arms, his back, his face. She kept running and yet it seemed like Georgina kept getting farther and farther away with every step that she took. She imagined Chuck's screams of pain. One moment, Blair was standing in front of Georgina's backside. The next she had pulled Georgina backwards and punched her in the face. Georgina wailed and dropped the glass shards, not knowing what was happening. Blair took another swing, at her jaw this time. Georgina fell to the floor, howling.

"You lay a hand on him and I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" Blair shook Georgina by the collar with one hand and kept striking her with the other. "Leave him alone!" She wiped tears away and her bloodied hand left glistening red liquid on her cheek. "Leave him alone, you psychopathic whore!" Georgina wailed as Blair let go of her shirt collar and began hitting with both fists.

Chuck had turned away when he saw Georgina, as he was too frozen with shock to run and he figured it would be better if the glass hit his back then his front. When he didn't hear the clanging of glass hitting the stairs or feel anything cut him, he turned and looked back up at the stairs. He watched in horror as Georgina Sparks curled up into a ball and jolted around violently. Blood appeared in different spots as she bawled.

As Blair continued listening to her rapid heartbeat and watching her fists fly in front of her, she saw the glass and the red droplets in her mind again. She reheard Chuck's invented cries of agony. She swung her hand into Georgina's shoulder. Then the images of Chuck and Georgina in bed returned to Blair's mind. She heard him moan and gasp as she stroked him. She remembered Georgina grabbing Chuck and pressing herself against him and whispering things to him at the bar. She kicked Georgina in the side.

_"I'm glad that Blair's dead! I'd rather that she be dead than with you!" _echoed Nate. She slapped Georgina in the face.

_"She is such a slut!" _the voices of the girls of Constance said after finding out that Blair slept with Chuck and Nate in the same week. She pummeled harder.

_"You may find that fat free yogurt more appealing," _her mother cautioned sternly. She hit Georgina's arm. She remembered a time when Serena walked into school looking like a mess and all of the boys still gawked at her. She kicked Georgina's side again. She remembered Bart and the many things he had said to Chuck. She punched Georgina's nose.

She came up for air.

Then she saw two large, dark brown, terrified orbs gazing up at her from a few stairs down.

She heard his hefty breathing and noticed his body shaking in fright.

Then she fell to the floor next to her bloodstained victim and wept.

* * *

Chuck called for an ambulance once he had unsteadily risen to his feet and checked to see if Georgina was still breathing. She was unconscious, but alive. Blair remained on the ground so that it looked like the blood spilled on her was actually on the floor. After the paramedics came and picked Georgina up, Blair ran through Georgina's apartment door and into the bathroom to wash herself off. She did not have a reflection so she sat in the bathtub for the longest time and looked at her hands as she sobbed. Every time she closed her eyes she saw her fists flailing uncontrollably into Georgina's lips and face.

_"What have I done?!" _She gasped. _"I'm not a ghost, I'm a monster!" _Blair cried and cried until she could no longer breathe. She did not know how long she was in the bathroom for. She was exhausted, but still found the strength to imagine herself in the hospital. She arrived at the waiting room, where Chuck was sitting. His eyes looked swollen and tortured. His one leg lied on his opposite thigh. Blair turned away, realizing that she could not bear to look at him. His horrified eyes were going to haunt her forever. She heard the elevator doors open as she let out more tears.

"Chuck, when you said you'd take care of her, I never dreamed that you meant like this!" Serena exclaimed. Chuck smiled amusingly as he rose to greet Serena and her boyfriend.

"I didn't do it, sis."

"Thank God!" Serena exclaimed.

"Then who did?" Dan asked, his eyes narrowing. Chuck's smile disappeared and he walked back over to his seat.

"No one. It was the strangest thing I've ever witnessed." He sighed and folded his hands together. "At first I thought she was having a seizure, but seizures don't cause blood."

"Unless you hit something when you're in one," Dan specified. Chuck nodded.

"Anyway, she finally stopped jerking around and I went to check her and…" Chuck stopped and shook his head a little as in disbelief. "There was so much blood oozing everywhere…" He stopped again, his mouth closing. There was a long silence. Blair walked over to the desk of the hospital clerk and used it to stable herself. She was crying so hard that it was affecting her stability.

"That's really weird," Serena said.

"It was as though someone invisible was pounding lumps on her," Chuck said, staring ahead of him.

"That's impossible," Dan said with an eye roll. He did not look like he believed a word that Chuck said.

"I'm not saying that's what it was," Chuck stated. "That's what it looked like. All I know is that she tried to kill me beforehand, so I don't feel as sorry as I feel shocked."

"She tried to kill you?!" Serena asked. Chuck nodded. "Why?!"

"I went down there to tell her to leave you alone, and she asked me to sleep with her," Chuck explained.

"What?!" Dan and Serena seemed to both ask in unison.

"Yeah. I told her no, so I began to walk away down the stairs. Then she all of a sudden was at the top again, ready to throw glass shards at me," Chuck said. Serena turned toward the emergency room door and gaped.

"That bitch!" Serena exclaimed. "Wait until your father's lawyers get a hold of her!"

"I'm going to let it go. There's something obviously wrong with the girl," Chuck said.

"Something wrong? That's too kind of a description," Dan stated.

"We can't just let her off the hook!" Serena exclaimed. "She tried to murder you!"

"Her parents are in there with her. They told me that she snuck away from boarding school and isn't even supposed to be here," Chuck said. Blair lifted her head at the news. "She stole their credit cards. Anyway, they said that they found a new place to keep her and I said that my father would get her a psychiatrist."

"I say that she deserves nothing less than Bedlam," Dan said.

"Well, it's an expensive school for the troubled, so they'll have guards around all of the time in case she tries to run away," Chuck said. "It's sort of a teenage Bedlam."

"Thank God. Now hold me back so I don't run into the ER and tear that bitch's IV out," Serena said.

"That's a little overboard," Dan said.

"She tried to kill my stepbrother! Well, almost stepbrother, that is! How can I not be upset?!" Serena asked. Chuck laughed a little.

"Hey sis, sounds like you've gotten used to me," Chuck said in an exasperating sugary voice. Serena bent down and hugged him.

"You nearly got yourself killed trying to defend me," Serena said. "It's the least I could do." She took his hands and pulled him up with a smile. "Thank you for that, Chuck."

"You're welcome," Chuck replied. Serena turned to Dan and grabbed his hand.

"Come on, let's all go home." They began to walk to the elevator. Blair watched them through blurry eyes.

"Hey Chuck? Why did Georgina want to sleep with you, anyway?" Dan asked. Chuck pressed the elevator button and the door opened. The three walked inside.

"None of your business, Humphrey."

The door closed.

* * *

Blair did not go back to the Palace for four days. She wandered around New York in a state of self-hatred. She understood that Georgina had to be stopped, but she could not let go of the fact that she beat her to a bloody pulp. If someone threatened her, Blair found back with brains. She never lost her temper; she never physically harmed anyone.

_"What's happening to me?! I'm not who I was!" _Blair remembered the anger that she felt at Nate and the jealousy she felt at Georgina. She remembered how badly she wanted to make them suffer at the moment the way that she was emotionally suffering.

On the fourth day, Blair walked to Central Park and sat on the fountain ledge. She looked down at the shimmering water. Two baby ducks swam along together, making little ripples.

_"I'd never forgive myself if I let her hurt Chuck. Even if he'll be scared to death of me if I ever do talk to him, I'm not upset that I saved him. He's the reason why I get up in the morning. The reason why I put up with being dead." _She saw his pleasantly astonished face in her head, the way he looked at her when she stood up on Victrola's stage that one night and when she leaned over and kissed him in the limo. Her eyes became blurry as she watched the ducks swim. _"He's my whole world." _

The ducks splashed around and picked at each other's feathers.

_"Then I was thinking about Georgina and Nate and mom and my old clique. Why?!" _Blair put her hand into the fountain and brought it up. She let a stream of water fall out of her palm. A biker riding by stopped to look at the water dropping out of nowhere and crashed onto a grassy patch. She closed her eyes and listened to the liquid droplets falling and making a soothing sound. She remembered all of the times that each of them had made her angry for one reason or another.

Her eyes shot open and she gasped.

_"Oh my God…I never let it out!"_ She stood up and began walking away, her tear-filled eyes glued to the brick ground. _"I always let things go or forgave things that I never got over! I never got any closure on anything!"_ She recalled once again all of the times that she had forgiven Nate, and all of the times that she had ignored her mother's nagging, and all of the times she had been jealous of Serena. She remembered being angry at Bart and the Constance girls for saying rude things about her and the people she cared about. She especially remembered Georgina grabbing Chuck. _"I let it go. I got revenge on the outsiders, but I always forgave everyone else," _Blair thought. She realized how much rage and envy she had been retaining for so long. _"No wonder I was thinking of them all." _She walked out of the black gates of Central Park. _"I hate Nate for what he said and for wronging me, I hate my mom for wanting me to be perfect, I hate Georgina for trying to hurt and seduce Chuck, and I hate the rest of them for the things they say and do." _Blair stopped in her tracks, a feeling of empowerment rising up from her chest. It was a feeling that she dare not have thought before about any of the Upper East Siders.

_"Oh my God…I hate everybody! I'm so sick of everybody!" _

Blair spent the entire day downtown. She knew why she had continued beating Georgina, but she still felt empty inside. She thought that discovering the reason was going to make her feel liberated and powerful and better. Instead, she felt lost. She went back to the Palace late at night. She saw Bart and Lily lying asleep on the couch together and she smiled a little at the corners of her mouth. Serena and Eric were in bed. When Blair entered Chuck's room, her was just exiting his bathroom and shutting off the light.

"God, I have to stop doing this to myself," Chuck whispered. He walked back to his bed, lied down, and pulled the covers up to his chest. Blair wandered over and sat on the bed next to him, guessing that he had woken up again. As soon as he closed his eyes she ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"Hey baby," she whispered. She never called him that before, but she wanted to feel like she was still controllably watching out for him and that she didn't need any comfort. "So guess what? I officially discovered that I was mad at everyone except you for the longest time." She stopped, examining his moonlit face. "I got mad at you too, but at least I could let it out with you. You never judged me, no matter how I was feeling." She dropped her hand from his head and laid it by her side. She lied down beside him, the tears building up again. "I miss you so much, Chuck. So much that you can't even begin to imagine." Her cheeks felt hot, the warm moisture drenching them. "I feel so differently now, and I can't tell you what I'm going through because you can't hear me…" She buried her face into the pillow and sniveled. Her shoulders shook as she cried. She tried to calm down and turned her head so that she looked at his face. "I'm going to talk to you one day. I don't care who or what stands in my way, I will find out how to get through to you. Then I can tell you what I feel, and what I should have done, and you can see what a pathetic mess I've become!" She spoke with self-loathing in her tense voice and moaned loudly into the pillow.

That was when she felt a warm hand passing through hers gently. Blair looked up, wondering for a minute if Chuck had heard her. He was still asleep, but his arm had stretched halfway across the bed and his hand fell tenderly onto hers. Blair noticed that his lips were curved into a tiny smile, the way he used to smile at her whenever she needed him. She felt a joyful laugh rise up from her stomach and she let it out with one final burst of tears. It was the first time she had laughed in four days, and it felt so foreign to her that it hurt to release it. She placed her fingers in between his and she crawled in closer to him. Blair breathed in the air coming in through the slightly cracked windows and felt it invigorate her entire being. She smiled at Chuck's comforting, softened face one last time. Before her eyelids closed she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She didn't even care that he couldn't feel it; all that mattered was that she did.

* * *

The next morning, Blair woke up with the sun shining on her face. She stretched her arms up in the air and moaned. She was feeling much better--that is, until she saw Chuck at the foot of the bed, fully dressed and packing some clothes into a black suitcase.

"Chuck, where are you going?" Blair asked, extending across the bed and looking up at him. She pushed some of her long hair out of her face. There was a knock at his door.

"Come in," Chuck called as he folded a pair of beige shorts. The door opened and Bart entered.

"Almost ready?" Bart asked.

"Yes," Chuck replied. He lowered the top of his suitcase and snapped it shut. "This is going to be fun."

"Even I'm starting to get excited," Bart stated.

"No, why would you have any reason to be excited? It's only your bachelor party," Chuck said with a playful smile. Blair laughed at his animated expression. Bart looked the exact opposite.

"I've been so uptight and worried about the wedding that I haven't had a chance to relax," Bart said.

"Don't stress out so much. You and Lily love each other. It will all work out," Chuck said. Blair was surprised. Chuck never usually gave heartfelt advice, but she loved hearing it. Bart nodded.

"I hope you're right." Bart sighed, sticking his hands into his jacket pockets. "I'll see you outside," He walked to the door but turned toward his son again before exiting. "By the way, I'm…" Chuck looked up. Bart seemed nervous, as though he was about to give a speech in front of the president. "I'm glad you're okay," he finished. Chuck's face glowed.

"Me too father," Chuck replied. Bart smiled one last time and left. Chuck walked around the room and checked for anything he might have forgotten to pack. Blair sat on the black suitcase, her head propped in her hands.

"Have fun, Chuck. I'd come with you, but there's something here that I have to do here. I'm going to make good on that promise I made you. I'll probably drop in and see how you're doing though," Blair said. She saw Chuck walking back over. She did a backwards somersault on the bed, pulling herself off of the suitcase. Chuck reached down and grabbed it before walking to the door. Blair followed him and watched him tell Serena and Eric goodbye before he left the suite.

"Well, this is just like old times," Lily commented at the breakfast table.

"Lonely, isn't it?" Eric said. "I miss Chuck taunting Serena every morning."

"That's one thing I could live without," Serena said. Suddenly, a phone bleeped. "That's mine." Serena pulled her purse up and grabbed her cell phone out of it. She flipped the top open and read the text message she had received.

"Who is it?" Eric asked through a mouthful of oats.

"Dan," she replied. "He's wondering if we could do something tonight. Rufus is going to be gone and Jenny's going out with her new boyfriend Asher, so the Humphrey lot is going to be deserted." Lily and Eric both swallowed hard upon hearing different names. Serena texted something back before throwing her phone back in her purse. "I told him we could if I don't have a lot of homework."

"My daughter: studying before going out. I must say Serena, I grow prouder of you with every passing day," Lily said. Serena stood up.

"I told you that I was going to change," Serena said. Blair twisted her foot in a circle underneath the table, thinking about how practically everyone she knew had changed in some way or another, herself included.

* * *

Blair followed Serena to Constance. While the other girls stalled in the bathrooms or ran to class, Blair strolled to the library. She saw a freshman girl who was denied entry because she didn't have her ID.

"No ID for me…no ID for me!" Blair sang to herself. She walked through the aisles of books and searched for anything on ghosts. She found a lot of books and went to a deserted table in the very back of the library. It was practically deserted except for the occupied librarian and one junior girl on a computer. Blair opened the first book and began to read.

"What is a ghost?" Blair read the chapter titles out loud. "Where do ghosts come from? Why do they exist? Do all ghosts haunt people? Are ghosts harmful?" Blair continued searching through books but only found one thing about communication. "Humans can usually hear ghosts speak through an EVP or tape recorders. There have also been reports of humans talking directly 

to ghosts in their sleep." Blair frowned. She had spoken to Chuck many times when he slept and he never answered back. It seemed sometimes like he sensed that she was there, but she did not know for sure. Blair closed the book and sighed. "I don't get it," she said to herself. When the final bell rang she left the library, her eyes sore from hours of reading and computer searching. On her way home with Serena, Blair realized that she wasn't having any luck on her own. She didn't want to make her ghostly presence known so soon, but there seemed to be no other option. She was tired of waiting to talk.

_"I need some help," _Blair thought. She looked at her best friend walking next to her and smiled.

Serena ended up having a lot of homework to do. Lily offered to take Eric out for dinner to give her some quiet time, a proposal for which both Blair and Serena were grateful for. As soon as Lily and Eric left the suite, Blair went to Serena's room. Her best friend sat on her bed with _The Great Gatsby _in her hands.

"Hmm, rich people from New York. This sounds familiar," Serena said to herself out loud. Blair walked over to Serena's nightstand and picked up a purple pen with fuzzy material at the top. Serena didn't notice. Blair then reached for her friend's English notebook. She flipped the pages until she got to a clean sheet. Serena put down her book and gasped at the flapping pages. She backed up into her bed's headboard as the pen began to write by itself. She tried to scream, but only a few moaning sounds erupted from her throat.

"S, it's only B. Don't freak out," Blair spoke as she wrote. Serena read the words and recognized the handwriting.

"Blair?! Blair?! What the--?!" She could not even find the words to express what she was feeling. Blair continued to write.

"I'm a ghost, but don't worry. I'm not going to haunt you or anything."

"Oh my God...Blair, it's really you!" Serena looked happier then Blair had seen her in weeks. "I don't believe it!"

"Well, it's me. The girl who you gossiped with and fought with and laughed with ever since preschool," Blair scribbled.

"I just can't believe it!" Serena looked like she was on the verge of tears. "B, you're a ghost!"

"Tell me something I don't know," Blair wrote sarcastically.

"How have you been?" Serena asked. Blair couldn't help but laugh. The pen shook, making her next words look squiggly.

"You mean outside of the dead part?"

"I thought you go to heaven when you die!"

"I thought so too, but here I am. I've been stuck on the Upper East Side ever since I passed away. I woke up on the sidewalk and finally realized that I was gone."

"You've been around this whole time and never told me?!" Serena exclaimed.

"I was hoping that I would get to actually talk to you, but it hasn't happened yet," Blair wrote. "I'm actually saying out loud what I'm writing right now, but you can't hear me, can you?" Serena shook her head. "I was there when you were talking to Dan about Georgina and I was there with you, Chuck, and Dan at the bar."

"Oh my God, this is crazy! In a good way," Serena said.

"Nice to know I'm entertaining," Blair wrote. "Let me tell you something else. Remember how your one arm got cold the day you found out that I was dead? Have you heard Bart complaining about how cold he is?"

"That was you?!" Serena asked, stunned.

"That's when I allow people to go through me," Blair jotted down. She stuck her one arm out and continued to write with the other. "Go ahead and wave your hand out in front of you." Serena looked ahead of her skeptically, and Blair laughed again. "S, I'm not going to tear you into a hellhole or anything. Just do it."

"It's just so eerie!" Serena reached her hand out and Blair ran her arm through it. Serena shivered, her arm turning very cold. "Oh my gosh, that's so creepy!" Serena said, though she smiled widely as she spoke.

"It's pretty cool though, no?" Blair wrote.

"Totally, but…wow!" Serena exclaimed, looking at her arm as though it wasn't even hers. "There's more. Remember when Chuck got saved from that truck and he thought someone had pushed him? Someone did."

"B, you're a hero!" Serena exclaimed.

"Just looking out for my friends," Blair said. Serena sat and looked at the paper for a few minutes, and suddenly she emitted a gasp from her mouth. Blair looked at her, perplexed. "S?"

"It was you," Serena finally said. She looked up, her eyes like saucers. "I wanted to believe Chuck so badly that he didn't do it, but I still thought he did! Especially after that Gossip Girl text…I feel so horrible now!"

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Blair wrote.

"You beat up Georgina, didn't you?!" Serena asked. Blair did not write for a few moments. She knew that she was going to have to admit it eventually; she just wasn't expecting so soon.

"She was going to hurt Chuck, S," Blair finally scribbled. Her voice shook as she spoke what she wrote. "I kept envisioning it in my head. I didn't want to beat her up so badly, but I just kept seeing the glass hitting him over and over again and I lost it. I couldn't stand by and watch any longer. I love Chuck too much to let anyone harm him."

"Well, I'm not blaming you. She deserved something to happen but...wait, wait!" Serena shrieked. "Did you just say you love Chuck?!" Blair looked down at what she wrote and felt like shrinking. She had not planned on letting out her feelings for Chuck out so quickly either, but she had just been writing down what came into her head.

"Yeah," Blair confessed.

"Oh my God, this is too much!" Serena leaned back and sighed. "I'm so glad that I'm talking to you right now B, but you need to give me a second."

"I'm so sorry," Blair wrote. "I know it's a lot to take in all at once." Serena did not speak for a few long minutes.

"You love Chuck?! Why?!" she suddenly asked. Blair picked up the notepad and wrote for a little while. She handed it back to Serena who read it carefully.

"I didn't know it for years, and then one day--one morning after, to be precise--I looked at him in a way I never had before. I kept trying to deny how I felt. I kept telling myself that I loved Nate and that Chuck could never be the perfect man I dreamed of. Then I died, and I woke up. I saw who really did love me and who I should have loved while I had the chance. I regret not choosing him every morning when I wake up and every night before I fall asleep. I know it sounds crazy, but I love him. Even though he slept around before me and even though we had our fights, I still love him. I love him so much that I'd beat the skank who tried to hurt him to a bloody pulp."

Silence ensued.

"Ew!" Serena suddenly shrieked. Blair laughed again. "I'm sorry. He's going to be my step-brother and he's done a lot for me and I've grown fond of him, strangely enough. But still…ew."

"There's a lot that you don't know about him, S. There's so much that he's going through that if I told you, you would pass out. All of this is already overwhelming without adding that to the mix," Blair wrote.

"Well, he'll be a lot better once you write to him," Serena stated.

"NO! You can't tell him!" Blair wrote in large, capital letters. Serena felt silly for being threatened by words on paper.

"Whoa B, chillax." Serena made a flat hand motion. "Breathe in, breathe out."

"Sorry, but he can't know!" Blair said.

"Why?!" Serena asked. "You let me know you're here."

"There's so much I have to tell him…so much he needs to know…I can't explain it to him like this. I've imagined speaking to him one-on-one again so many times that it's made me sad. I know so much more about him than I did before. This way would be too distant."

"I doubt Chuck would care as long as you're contacting him," Serena said.

"S, please! I need to talk to him! Imagine if you were dead, wanting just to hear Dan acknowledge you again the way he did when you were alive!" Blair scribbled. Serena pondered.

"That's a pretty depressing thought," Serena said.

"For me it's a reality. Don't tell Chuck about me, Serena. I want him to hear that I love him. Please."

After a long pause, Serena sighed.

"Alright, alright. I won't tell him. But how are you going to speak with him when he can't hear you talk?"

"That's precisely why I wrote to you," Blair admitted. "I've been researching a lot but I haven't come up with any plausible ways that I could get through to him. We've always come up with great ideas together. Will you help me, S?"

"I'm still confused about--"

"I'll explain everything in a minute." Blair gripped the pen tightly. "There's so much that I need to tell you about." She thought about why she could touch Chuck and then suddenly everything else. Then she remembered all of the anger she had released on Georgina. "I've learned that I've been holding back a lot of things. Plus, you need to tell me about that whole text message thing you mentioned."

"This is going to be a long talk," Serena said.

"You're like my sister. It's your job to listen," Blair said. Serena laughed.

"Of course I'll listen. I wonder how many people have ghosts for best friends?"

"You're a special one," Blair said sarcastically.

"Did you play any pranks, like in the movies?" Serena asked.

"Everything from dumping coffee into Hazel's hair to throwing fries as Nate. It's actually pretty interesting," Blair wrote. "But back to the original question: will you help me find out how I can talk to Chuck, and to you, and to everyone else?" Serena stared at the purple pen. Then she got up and left the room, motioning for Blair to follow her with her hand. She sat down on the couch and opened her mom's laptop.

"What creepy ghost question should I punch into Google?" Serena asked with a smile.

**End of Chapter IV**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! School's out, hooray! LOL, I'm such a geek. Anyway, here's chapter five and I hope you like it! Thanks to ChuckBassLover15 for an idea in this chapter! **

**My Saving Grace: Chapter V**

"I still can't believe it."

"What?"

"That Chuck said a prayer."

Blair laughed and wrote another message to her best friend on the lined paper.

"I didn't believe it myself when it happened. It was cute."

Blair and Serena were sitting on the couch in the Bass-Van Der Woodsen suite. Lily and Eric had been gone for awhile. In that time, Blair managed to help Serena with her homework and explain everything that had happened to her in the past few weeks with her pen. Serena ate microwave popcorn as her ghost friend wrote down a day-by-day recap.

"That's so weird," Serena said. "How could you not pick up anything and then suddenly you could?" Blair shrugged, then remembered that Serena couldn't see her shrug.

"Beats me," Blair wrote. "I'm so tired of wondering."

"Well, the first priority on our list is finding a way for you to talk so that we can hear you," Serena said. She clicked the mouse on her mother's laptop and sighed in annoyance. "Still nothing! How long have we been researching for?"

"Two hours, but we took a long break so that you could hear my story," Blair wrote.

"Every site we go to it mentions either communicating through sleep or EVP's," Serena said. "Are you sure he doesn't hear you when he's asleep?"

"He's never answered me back, so I'm guessing not. Unless he just can't answer back," Blair said.

"Yeah, maybe we're thinking too 'Sixth Sense,'" Serena offered. "It says here that the person must be in a calm state of mind while they sleep in order for the ghost to communicate. From what you told me, it doesn't sound like Chuck is tranquil when he's asleep."

"I'm dying to know what's causing him to wake up so much at night," Blair wrote.

"I could ask him," her friend suggested.

"Yeah, but won't he wonder how you know? Your room is far away from his," Blair wrote.

"True." Serena threw her arms in the air and dropped them by her sides. "I don't know. Let's not worry about that now." She clicked on something else. "What is an EVP, anyway?"

"It stands for electronic voice phenomena. It's like an electronic device that ghost hunters use to pick up the voices of ghosts," Blair scribbled. Serena looked at the notepad and nodded, impressed.

"Wow B, I didn't know that you were so educated about this stuff."

"I spent hours in a library and that's the main answer I could find. If I didn't know what it was after all of that I'd be pretty dumb," Blair wrote.

"Why don't we try tape recording you? Then you can leave Chuck a message," Serena said. Blair pondered for a minute.

"I still want to talk to him personally, but we could still do it for fun. I want to hear what I sound like," Blair wrote. Serena smiled and jumped off of the couch. She ran for her brother's room.

"I know that Eric has a tape recorder in here somewhere," she called out. Blair picked up a bowl filled with popcorn that Serena had brought over. She began repetitively tossing the kernels up into the air. They fell back down into the bowl, the seeds making a chiming noise. When Serena came back into the room with the tape recorder she chuckled at the self-moving popcorn bowl. "Hey B, can you eat anything?" she asked as she walked back over to the couch.

"I don't know. I've never had the desire to try," Blair wrote.

"How can you not be hungry?" Serena asked.

"I'm just not. I'm never tired either but I still go to sleep at night," Blair explained. Serena picked up a piece of popcorn.

"Try eating it and see what happens," she said. Blair took it from her gently, and Serena watched in awe as the popcorn magically left her hand and floated in front of her. The piece was chewed in the air, which grossed Serena out but did not make her turn away. Blair swallowed, and the chewed piece immediately fell to the ground. Serena stared at it for a minute, mortified. "EW!" Serena bent down and picked the chewed mess up with a napkin, deaf to Blair's laughter.

"Your face was hilarious," Blair wrote.

"Oh ew…ew," Serena stated again, eyeing the floor as if the piece was still there.

"Hit record on the tape player," Blair jotted down. The grey tape recorder rested on Serena's lap. She hit the rewind button and the tape inside began to twirl counter-clockwise. "We won't tape over anything of Eric's, will we?" Blair wrote in question.

"No. He bought this during the first season of 'American Idol' and hasn't used it since. He was so certain he was going to be the next Justin Guarini," Serena said. The tape stopped rewinding with a click, and Serena pressed record. She nodded for Blair to start.

"What do I say?" Blair asked out loud. Serena didn't respond, naturally. Blair laughed at herself. "Well, hey anyone who's listening. I'm Blair Waldorf, I'm a ghost, and I want to hear what I sound like on tape." She added jokingly, "I like long walks on the beach and men with scarves." As Serena shook her head, Blair reached for her pen and notepad. "I'm done," she wrote. Her friend clicked the tape off and rewound it again. "What do you think I'll sound like?" Blair scribbled.

"Probably like yourself," Serena answered confidently. The tape stopped and Serena pressed play. The sound that came forth did not sound like a voice, but an extremely low, scratchy whisper. Blair recoiled at the crackling and made out the words.

"I'm a ghost, and I want to hear what I sound like on tape." As much as she hated to admit it, Blair felt afraid of her own voice. It sounded rough and hoarse as if she was sick. She recalled that Nate had a voice changer when he was a little boy and he brought it to second grade one day. Blair still remembered when she, Chuck, Serena, and Nate played with it and switched the knob to low so that their voices sounded very deep. Her ghostly recorded voice sounded even lower than the voice changer.

"Okay," Serena said. Her finger reached up and turned off the tape. She placed the tape recorder on the brown coffee table in front of the couch. She looked as white as if she were a ghost herself. "That was so creepy!" Her voice shook. "I'm really scared now!"

"Come on S, it's only me," Blair wrote.

"I know, but it's still eerie!" Serena exclaimed. "You don't talk like that!" It finally made sense to Blair why no one could hear her speak; her voice level was far below any frequency that human ears could hear.

"I guess that ghost voices are so low that they can only be picked up by a tape recorder or something like that," Blair wrote. "No wonder you all can't hear me."

"I'm kind of glad! If you came into my room talking like that, I would have peed in my pants!" Serena yelled. She looked disturbed. Her one arm twitched as it grasped her other one.

"Great. Now my best friend is scared of me," Blair wrote.

"I'm not scared of you. Just your creepy, murderer-like voice is all," Serena said. A sad thought entered Blair's mind.

"Am I going to talk like that forever? Even if I do find a way to talk to you guys?" she wrote. Serena sighed.

"I have no clue, B." Just then Lily and Eric opened the door and entered the suite. After making up school related lies about why she had her brother's tape recorder and after removing the tape, Serena ran to her room and locked the door. She put her books on the bed and tossed the tape in the garbage can. "That's enough of that." Serena inspected the room. "Wherever you are, I'm blaming you if I have nightmares tonight!" she whispered. Blair picked up the pen and notebook and sat on Serena's bed. She crossed her one leg casually.

"My voice doesn't sound like that to me. That's the weird thing," Blair wrote.

"It's because you're a ghost. Maybe if you met other ghosts you'd still sound the same, but to us it's paranormal." Serena put her hands on her hips. "Have you ever met any other ghosts?"

"No," Blair scribbled. "I wish I would. Another ghost may know things that I don't, like why we actually are ghosts or if we will sound like that all the time."

"Or they could be just as or even more clueless," Serena said. "You never know. I'm just sorry that we didn't find any information to help you."

"We can keep investigating. I'll meet you in the Constance library tomorrow at lunch," Blair wrote.

"Didn't you already check there?" Serena asked.

"I could have missed something. I'm going to leave now, though. You have to get some work done."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. I'll find somewhere. By the way, when is Chuck coming back?" Blair asked.

"Not for four days," Serena said. "Bart's bachelor party is taking up nearly half the week." Blair groaned. "I know you're complaining right now, and I'm completely sickened by that," Serena said. "Why don't you go see him? I thought you could go wherever you wanted."

"I can, but he needs some time away from everything here, including me. Plus, I want to see how he'll manage without me and what he'll be like when he gets back," Blair said. "I'm giving him space even though he doesn't know I'm giving him space." Serena shrugged.

"As long as he's not in danger while you're not there."

"I hope not," Blair said. "That was one of my worries." Blair then realized that Serena forgot to tell her the story behind the text message she had mentioned. Blair decided to save it; it sounded like a juicy tale. "I'm going to get going. I'll see you tomorrow, S. Thanks for talking with me," Blair wrote. Serena smiled, grateful that she was able to meet with her best friend at school again.

"I'm glad you're back, B. Even if you are a ghost," Serena said. Blair put the pen and paper down and walked out of Serena's room, wondering just where she could go. She ended up in the exact same place that she had gone to nearly every single night since she died.

* * *

"I swear to God S, I'm going insane without him."

Serena looked at the blue pen that her spirit friend was writing with. They were sitting in the back table at the deserted Constance library.

"You're sick," she stated.

"I woke up last night, and I reached over to tell Chuck that everything was okay and that I was there for him, but he wasn't lying in bed next to me! Then I sat there thinking about how he probably woke up and I wasn't there for him! I was all lonely and sad and I kept thinking that maybe he was lonely and sad too, and that maybe he was too cold or too hot…"

"Oh, sweet Jesus!" Serena exclaimed. She had shouted in a prolonged tone that made her sound like she had a funny accent. Blair laughed. "He doesn't even know you're there!" Serena exclaimed. "Plus, Chuck's not a little kid; I think he's perfectly capable of getting up and getting an extra blanket for himself!"

"I know, but I like being there for him like that." Blair rested her chin on one hand and smiled dreamily while writing with her other hand. "Do you think he'll be back to how he was before I died when he comes home? Do you think he'll be himself again?" Blair asked.

"I don't know," Serena said. "I don't think about Chuck as much as you do."

"You should; it's fun," Blair wrote purposely. She laughed at Serena's revolted expression. She decided to lay it on even thicker. "Last night was so tormenting. My mom once told me that when I was a baby I would cry every night. The doctors said to let me cry without comfort and eventually I would stop. My parents did, but my dad always wanted to go to me so badly. Every cry was a knife through his heart, mom said. She had to yell at him just to get him to lie back down. I stopped crying, but my mom never forgot how concerned my dad was. That's exactly how I felt last night."

"Except that you were an innocent child and Chuck is a teenager who has lived independently for most of the seventeen years of his life, and not always in a good way," Serena said.

"Like you wouldn't be all over cabbage patch if he jolted up in bed every night next to you, his little cabbage patch face all alarmed and his beady cabbage patch eyes agonized," Blair commented half mockingly. Serena laughed at her friend's cursive words on the page.

"You got me there," Serena admitted. The mention of Dan's nickname reminded Blair of Gossip Girl's annoying nicknames for them all, which reminded her of something else.

"Hey S, what was the story behind that text message you were talking about?"

"Oh yeah; I forgot about that." Serena checked to make sure that no one had entered the library before bending down lower and whispering. "While you were gone for those four days, Georgina got out of the hospital. Chuck claimed he didn't hit her--"

"I know that," Blair said. "I saw you guys in the hospital. Go on."

"Anyway, Georgina was leaving. We were all worried that she was going to go to court and say that Chuck beat her. Chuck's idea of an invisible attacker is not a very good alibi, after all. Yet Georgina didn't say anything or press any charges. Her parents either felt apologetic or they realized that a jury is less likely to believe a teenager with a criminal record and an insanity label than a rich man's son."

"Okay," Blair wrote. "I get it."

"The morning that Georgina left for the airport, we all got a text message from Gossip Girl. Chuck and I knew that Georgina sent it," Serena said.

"What did it say?" Blair wrote questioningly.

"Here, I think I still have it," Serena said. She found her purse and pulled her cell phone out of it. She found the old message and let Blair read it:

**Gossip Girl here with some top news for my frequent readers. Georgina Sparks has come and gone. We all remember G, party girl extraordinaire? She returned to New York ****from boarding school, but we heard nothing about her until she was mysteriously beaten up and admitted to a hospital! Pretty different from the rehab center, eh G? This morning she was spotted getting on a plane with mom and dad, leaving us once again. Where she's going is beyond me, but I hear that our favorite bad boy Chuck Bass was with her when the incident occurred. What could C be hiding from us? Rumor has it that they had a little thing many years back. But was C calling on G for sexuality or brutality? Hmm. XOXO.**

_"Oh no! Are you kidding me?!" _Blair thought.

"No one knew about the ordeal except for me, Chuck, Dan, Bart and Lily. None of us would have sent that message, especially not Bart or Lily. They don't even know what Gossip Girl is. Plus, Georgina was scheduled to get on a plane and leave at nine AM. Who was at the airport that saw her when we were all supposed to be in school?"

"Someone could have been going on vacation," Blair wrote.

"Some random person knew all of that information? Not very likely," Serena said.

"How did other people react?" Blair asked.

"When Chuck walked outside for lunch, the courtyard was so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop. There were whispers all day long. Chuck didn't care, of course. I even think most people have forgotten about it by now. They probably figured that he was there for the sex," Serena said.

"Still, that was horrible. And I wasn't there," Blair said.

"What could you have possibly have done to get back at them? Haunt both of the schools? You can't save Chuck from everything, B. Like you said, he needs time alone without his guardian ghost around."

"I know," Blair wrote. "I just don't like seeing him hurt."

"When has Chuck Bass ever been hurt by a Gossip Girl post? He considers it free publicity and tells anyone who doesn't like him to go suck it," Serena said. Blair giggled.

"That's true," Blair wrote. She added a little smiley face next to her words.

"I knew that would cheer you up," Serena said. The two friends laughed.

* * *

When Eric Van Der Woodsen revealed that he was a homosexual, everyone was shocked. Not because he was what he was, but because his fling Asher lied about being with him and tried to humiliate him. Eric called Chuck to ask for help and Chuck suggested sending all of the texts and emails he had received from Asher to Gossip Girl. It worked in helping the teenage public believe Eric, despite Jenny Humphrey's excuses. Blair couldn't get over that Chuck's advice was the exact same thing that she would have suggested. The day after Eric's outing, Blair and Serena ran in front of Jenny Humphrey and her clique in one of Constance's hallways.

"Hey S, what do you think of the latest news?" Isabel asked sardonically. She waved her big white purse around like a weapon. Blair hoped that her friend would ignore the group, but she knew that Serena would not allow her brother's honor to be ridiculed.

"He's my brother. I love him no matter what," Serena stated.

"Poor, poor Serena Van Der Woodsen…" Hazel said in a sarcastic voice. "First her mother gets engaged to a man without a personality, then her almost-stepbrother beats someone unconscious, then her real brother switches teams. When did her life become so complicated?"

"Ever since lonelyboy took her for a ride on his cheap magic carpet of love, things just haven't been the same," mocked Isabel. Jenny did not defend her brother. Serena's chin tilted downward but her intolerant eyes remained on the cabal.

"Don't act like you're so much better then Dan when you're nothing but--" Serena began.

"Girl, I don't need to act like I'm better than him. I already know that I am," Isabel said with a sugary smile. Blair felt like whacking Isabel with her own purse. Serena looked like she wanted to say something but she changed the subject.

"You're wrong about Chuck too," Serena said. "He didn't beat up Georgina."

"No, of course he didn't. It was a ghost," Hazel said. The girls hooted with laughter. Blair laughed too at the irony that they had no idea how right their stupid words were. "Chuck denied everything, but there was no one else around who could have done it," Hazel continued.

"Lies, lies, and more lies…they're going to catch up to that naughty boy one day," Isabel crooned. "You too, Serena. Not even your precious lonelyboy defended him, and he's required by the boyfriend rule to defend your family members."

"Chuck didn't do it!" Serena exclaimed. The girls snickered--except for Jenny.

"Guys, leave her alone!" Jenny yelled pleadingly.

"Funny. I never thought Chuck was so filled with rage." Hazel sucked on her bottom lip. "Tell me, Serena. Did Bart beat Chuck when he was young? Was all of that fury just building up inside him until he had to release it on someone he despised?" Blair began to plot the trapping of Hazel's hair in a locker door.

"Guys, please!" Jenny yelled. "He's going to be her stepbrother, and she obviously cares about him and her real brother and my brother, okay?!" Blair was stunned. She had never seen Jenny talk back to the gossip circle. Isabel led the others in a hearty chortle.

"Jenny, what are you complaining about? You were the one who started the party!" Isabel said. Blair's eyes darted at Jenny who, filled with confidence a minute before, cowered in shame.

"What does that mean?" Serena asked demandingly.

"Serena, I…" The blonde freshman looked at the ground before she spoke again in a quavering voice: "I'm so sorry." Serena knew what her boyfriend's sister had done without a direct answer.

"It wasn't Georgina. You sent that text about Chuck," Serena said. Her jaw quivered as if she was about to cry. "Did Dan tell you?"

"No! I…I overheard him explaining what happened to my dad." Jenny looked up suddenly but immediately turned away again.

"Why did you send it?" Serena asked. Her eyes were glazed over. Hazel chuckled while Blair glowered at her loathingly. "What was the point of sending that?"

"She knew what good gossip it would make," Isabel answered. Jenny's eyes were still glued to the ground. Serena looked hurt and disgusted, not believing that her boyfriend who she loved with her whole heart could be a sibling to someone so cold hearted.

"You send untrue things about my stepbrother to every teenage cell phone on the Upper East Side, and you try to make my real brother look like a liar, and now you can't even grant me the dignity of looking me in the eye." Serena lowered her head. "I don't know what we ever did to deserve that."

"Your stepbrother's horny little self tried to rape her," Hazel stated bitterly. "Get over it. This is what happens when you try to keep a secret; you should know that by now."

"I'm sorry, Serena! I'm so sorry!" Jenny now looked like the one about to burst into tears. Serena continued looking at her sorrowfully. Blair watched, impatient to see what her friend would reply.

_"Walk away, S. Just walk away." _

"I'll forgive you only because you're Dan's sister, and no other reason. I know that he can't believe what you've turned into either. I'll never know how you can sleep at night or look at yourself in the mirror every day without being revolted at what you've become." Serena spun around and ran down the hall, her blonde hair swaying sadly. Blair watched, hating Jenny even more than ever before. She tried both directly and indirectly to degrade the two most important people in her life.

"Sounds like someone's got a little emotional management problem herself," Hazel commented.

"No wonder she's sticking up for Chuck," Isabel said with a snort. Jenny glared at all of them, her next words strained.

"Will you all knock it off?! I'm so sick of this!" she exclaimed.

"Obviously not, since you were the one who sent the message," Isabel commented snidely.

"Why did you sell me out, anyway?!" Jenny asked. No one replied. "Friends don't do that to each other."

"Friends don't send text messages with reputation damaging things in it, either," Hazel put in. Jenny shook her head quickly.

"That's it; I'm done. I'm through with all of this and all of you, and I couldn't care less what you think or say about me anymore," Jenny said.

"Really? You honestly don't care?" Isabel asked knowingly with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't!" Jenny exclaimed, her voice squeaking.

"If you didn't care, then you wouldn't be here right now. You would have walked out of this group when we banned you for stealing the dress or when we ditched Blair's funeral." Isabel laughed in her throat. "Face the facts, little J. What we think and what we do is all that you care about. Without us, you're nothing." Jenny fell silent.

"I don't even know why we keep you in our group if you hate us so much. We're the main focus, the elite, the popular. Why bother wasting our time?" Hazel rubbed in.

"I don't hate you, I just don't think you're right in what you do sometimes," Jenny said, immediately backtracking. Blair shook her head as the other members of the clique smirked.

"What we do doesn't concern right and wrong. We're what these schools revolve around. You should know that," Isabel said. Jenny nodded in agreement. "You know what we should do?" Isabel suggested. "We should skip next period and go shopping. I don't feel like going to chemistry today."

"Totally!" Hazel exclaimed. They seemed to turn around in slow motion. Jenny at first did not turn with them; she stood and stared down the hall. Blair felt like she was looking at her. Then Jenny slowly turned and began to follow them. Blair was about to run to them and trip them all and steal their purses and break their cell phones. However, then she remembered when she had taken revenge on Georgina and how guilty it made her feel. She remembered throwing things at Nate and how it did not make his cruel words to Chuck--or their effects--go away. Blair watched the freshie go, realizing that no matter what she did Jenny Humphrey would always be under the thumb of the Constance Billard rich clan. She would constantly see the wrong that they caused yet she would become a participant in the end. She would live her high school years carelessly without giving one thought to the people she mistreated until they broke down in front of her. Even then she would walk away from her problems and back into her selfish world where she would remain under the delusion that everyone adored her.

_"You can't save Chuck from everything, B. Like you said, he needs time alone without his guardian ghost around," _Serena's words echoed in Blair's mind. Blair turned around herself to go look for her friend, the words never sounding truer.

* * *

The day Chuck was scheduled to return home, Serena knocked over a garbage can. It was a secret code that she and her ghost friend created. Whenever Serena wanted to talk with Blair she would purposely trip over something or knock something over. If Blair was in the suite or wherever Serena was and heard, she would go to her friend. When Blair heard the metal garbage can hit the ground she ran to Serena's room.

"What if we used an Ouija board?" Serena suggested. "I could sit Chuck down and you could talk to him using the Ouija board."

"Chuck may not believe it," Blair wrote. "Besides, I'd still like to talk to him normally."

"I know B, but we've been searching and searching for information and so far we've come up with nothing. Maybe the only way you can talk to him is by not talking to him, if that makes sense." Upon Blair's silence, Serena added: "I have good news, though. Dan and I went to a Brooklyn library and did some research. I lied and said it was for a project. I think we found out a few things."

"What?!" Blair wrote eagerly. She hoped it was the breakthrough information she had been waiting for.

"We read in a book that sometimes ghosts communicate with humans in places where they once had a connection in life. For example, we always had croissants and watched 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' every Sunday in your penthouse, right? Well, maybe you would appear there or I could hear your voice there," Serena explained. Blair felt hopeful for a minute before her heart fell in her chest.

"I don't think so," Blair wrote. "I went to Victrola with Chuck and I said some things but he didn't know I was there. At school you and I had a lot of fun times but you can't see me or hear me there. Did you find out anything else?"

"Dan pointed out a passage that said about why ghosts stay on earth."

"Finally!" Blair exclaimed to herself. Then she wrote it down. "What did it say?"

"It said that something about the past keeps a ghost on earth," Serena said. "A ghost may have wanted to do something that they never accomplished when they were alive, so they wander the earth in helpless limbo trying to finish it. Or they could be there for some purpose."

"What purpose?!" Blair scribbled desperately.

"I don't know," Serena replied. Blair thought for a minute.

"I don't know either." She heard the noise of a door opening from the dining room and she gasped excitedly. "S, Chuck's back!" Blair wrote. She ran through the walls immediately and Serena rushed for her bedroom door.

Chuck stood in the entryway with Bart, Lily, and some suitcases. His swarthy hair was messy and windblown, the result of a powerful New York breeze. Apparent dark circles took form under his eyes yet otherwise he displayed a certain, vivacious expression that only he could have flaunted. Blair felt her nervous stomach knots untie and a wave of relief swept over her.

_"He's okay," _Blair thought. She smiled broadly as she watched Chuck talking pleasantly with his father and Lily. _"He's okay." _

"The trip went well, then?" Lily asked her fiancée.

"Yes, it was good," Bart answered. Even he was smiling cheerfully.

_"First Chuck seems happier than before, and now Bart? Am I living in some parallel universe or the 'Twilight Zone'?" _Blair thought.

"Hey guys, you're back!" Serena exclaimed. She hugged Chuck and said polite greetings to Bart.

"I knew you'd be dying without me, sis," Chuck said, his arm around Serena's shoulders. He looked at Bart. "I'll get my bags, father." He picked up one of his suitcases and Serena helpfully followed him with another. As always, Blair brought up the rear.

"You look tired," Serena observed. They entered Chuck's room.

"I didn't sleep very well over there," Chuck admitted. "The rest of the trip was fun, though."

_"I wonder why," _Blair said in sad sarcasm. She felt bad, even though she wasn't supposed to. Chuck smiled wryly at his almost-stepsister as he threw his suitcase on the bed. "How were things over here?"

"Normal," Serena answered.

"How's Eric doing?" Chuck asked.

"Why don't you go ask him yourself? He's in his room doing homework. I think he missed you," Serena said. She cocked an eyebrow. "How were you in that sun for four days and did not tan? Did you put on sunscreen?"

"No, I just know you think I'm sexy pale so I purposely stayed out of the sun," Chuck joked. Blair smiled at the classic Chuck Bass response. Serena slapped Chuck on the arm playfully before he walked out of his room to see Eric. Blair ran through the walls and into the young Van Der Woodsen's room. Eric looked up from his desk and saw the tall, dark-haired figure in his doorway.

"Hey Chuck! You're back!" Eric exclaimed. He grinned as if he had just won a million dollars.

"How've you been?" Chuck asked. Eric tapped his pencil nonchalantly on the desk.

"Pretty good," he answered. Chuck eyed Eric's prepared bed. He walked over to it and sat down, kicking his shoes off at the same time. His fingers stroked the soft, light blue quilt.

"Has anyone given you a hard time?" Chuck asked. Eric faced him and shook his head. "Good. If anyone does, just say the word and their ass is mine," Chuck stated. Eric laughed.

"I know. How was your trip?" Eric asked. Blair leaned against the wall, close to Eric's wooden desk. Chuck smiled and moaned a little tiredly. He brought one hand up and rubbed his left eye.

"It was fantastic," Chuck said. He lied down on the bed sideways and propped one hand behind his head. "It was so sunny and warm."

"You didn't even tan," Eric commented.

"It's physically impossible for me to tan," Chuck said. Eric laughed again before Chuck continued. "I needed that trip. I love this city but I had to get out of here for a little while." Chuck moved up on the bed so that his head was on the pillow. He flipped so that he lied on his back and closed his eyes. Eric turned back to his books.

"You are in a good mood. Were there any girls?" he asked. Blair saw a wide smirk spread across Chuck's face as he nodded once assuredly.

"Um hum," he answered with a lustful tone to his voice.

"Did you do anything?" Eric wondered. Chuck laughed once, softly. Blair was dumbfounded. She had not seen him laugh so pleasantly in a long time. She smiled, glad that he seemed more content then before he left.

"Actually, I looked but I didn't touch," Chuck said. Eric stared at him, astounded.

"You didn't sleep with any of them?! Since when does that happen?!" Eric asked.

"I just wasn't in the mood," Chuck lied. Blair smirked, knowing the real reason behind it. Eric did not know how he felt about a certain Waldorf girl, and Chuck would make sure that it stayed that way. Eric didn't question Chuck's answer.

"I saw Nate Archibald while you were gone," Eric said. Blair shuddered at the name and realized that she hadn't known that Nate and Eric had spoken. Chuck's eyes opened halfway.

_"Oh no, here it comes. Eric, why did you have to say anything?!" _Blair thought.

"Really?" Chuck inquired.

"He asked me how you were. He wondered if you were okay," Eric said. "I don't get it. Weren't you two best friends one time?" Chuck did not reply for a few seconds. "Well?" Eric finally asked. "Were you?" Chuck folded his hands on his stomach and looked up at the ceiling.

"Yes." There was another period of silence. Blair felt the uncomfortable tension surrounding her. "We don't talk anymore," Chuck finally said.

"Why? Did you have a falling out?" Eric questioned.

"I don't really want to discuss it," Chuck said. Eric put his finger on the cover of his math book and brought it up and down repeatedly.

"He seemed pretty apologetic. I think he wants to make up with you."

"That's too bad." Chuck continued looking up at the ceiling which hung over him like a giant sheet of white paper. Blair heard the clock tick and she hoped that Chuck's words were the last of the conversation. Instead, Chuck sat up and sighed. "Alright, I'm not going to lie to you. I swear though, you can't tell anyone how I feel about what I'm going to say." Eric nodded eagerly. Chuck's face drew out solemnly and he sighed. "I did something terrible to Nate that felt so right, and he said something awful in response. And now…" Chuck's mouth closed and he glanced down at his hands quickly before looking back up. "I miss my friend. I know we're both sorry, but things can never be the way that they once were." He lied back down and shut his eyes tightly. Blair walked over to him, feeling sorry that Nate was brought up again. She rubbed Chuck's arm gently, and she swore that his body became less tense. Eric sat, speechless.

"I had no idea," he managed to utter.

"No one does. Keep it that way, alright?" Chuck asked.

"Of course," Eric promised. Chuck relaxed even more.

"I just wish…" Chuck began. Blair stopped rubbing and stared into his almost-black eyes inquisitively. His sentence had taken her breath away because she really wanted to hear the end of it. So did Eric, who leaned halfway off of his chair. Chuck stopped speaking and shook his head slightly. "Never mind."

"What?" Eric urged.

"I've already said enough," Chuck said with an edge to his voice.

"Chuck, I--" Eric began. His bedroom door swung open, and Blair rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Charles, are you in here?" Bart asked. He saw his son lying on the bed. "Yes, you are. You said you were going to come with me to Victrola tonight and help show a joint investor around. Are you still up for it?"

"Yeah, I am." Chuck sat up and stretched his arms in front of him. Blair walked back over to the wall near Eric's desk.

"You can stay here and rest if you want," Bart said. "I know that you didn't sleep much on the trip." Chuck smiled.

"I'll come, father. Just give me a few minutes to change." Bart smiled back, nodded at both Chuck and Eric like an army officer, and closed the door. Chuck stood up. "For some reason, he's been extremely nice lately," Chuck said.

"Georgina almost killed you," Eric said. "He's probably happy that you're still alive."

"I almost got hit by a car too, and he didn't care less when I told him," Chuck said. "I think it's just because he's getting married."

"That should make him even crabbier," Eric said. He decided to challenge. "I guess you're not going to tell me what you were about to before, hunh?" Blair was wondering the same thing. Chuck grabbed his shoes and headed for the door.

"Sorry Van Der Woodsen. I have to have some secrets." Chuck grabbed the doorknob, twisted it, and left the room. Blair stood in the same spot for five minutes, watching Eric's lead pencil scratch against the paper. It seemed like Chuck hadn't forgotten anything that had taken place--he had just pushed it to the far corners of his mind for four days. She wished so badly that he would let her death go and try to work things out.

_"Easier said than done, but still," _Blair thought. _"I'm happy to see that he got along well without me too, but I'm just so glad he's back. I needed him here." _

That was when Blair felt it. It rose up from her lower stomach to her chest, and she began to recognize it. At first she doubted it, but as it rose up and out of her gaping mouth, it became a reality. It was the burst of knowledge, the moment of empowerment, the awareness that she had been missing.

_"I needed him," _Blair thought. Then she spoke the words aloud, her voice barely audible. "I needed him."

Blair remembered when she first discovered that she was dead and when she walked the New York streets alone. She felt Chuck's folded, praying hands under hers. She saw him waking up next to her at night and in the morning. She felt the wind underneath the truck and she heard Georgina's screams. Then she took a deep breath and put everything together.

Blair Waldorf was a ghost. And she was a ghost for two reasons.

_"I love Chuck and he still doesn't know!" _Blair thought back to what Serena said about ghosts being stuck on earth. _"That's one thing holding me back! It's the thing I never accomplished when I was alive! I wanted to admit how I felt about Chuck and I wanted to let him know but I never did! I had to realize how much I need him!" _Then she thought about the two times she rescued Chuck from death. _"That's the unknown purpose! I had to save him from getting killed, too!" _

She slid down the wall until she hit the ground. Her entire mouth went dry and her bulging eyes did not blink once. Most ghosts usually had one reason or the other for remaining behind. Blair had both.

_"It all happened in stages! I was able to touch Chuck when I realized how much I loved him and how much he loved me. Then I could touch other things once I completed step two and saved him the first time!" _Blair could not feel any part of her body. All she could do was think about everything that had happened since her death and how it all seemed so clear. Blair sat in complete disbelief. She did it. It was a puzzle that had many pieces, but she figured it out.

_"Oh my God!" _

Blair threw her head back and laughed and cried all at once. The confusion she had felt for weeks on end was finally over. She knew what her purpose and her destiny was.

"Oh my God!" Blair covered her mouth as her uncontrollable, boisterous laughter began to cease. The tears of joy fell backwards out of her eyes and into her chestnut brown curls. She wiped the moisture off of her face and flattened the droplets her hair. Her cheeks hurt from her mouth being stuck in a wide, toothy grin for so long. She continued to smile as she unsteadily stood up off the ground. As soon as her legs stopped shaking from the excitement, she ran through the walls. "Serena! Serena!" Blair entered her best friend's room and picked up the purple pen and the spiral. Serena was writing something and did not notice. Blair wrote down everything that she had discovered and placed it under her friend's nose. Serena took the spiral and read. When she put it down her face was radiant with glee.

"Blair, this is why you're here! This is why, it has to be why!" Serena began laughing too as she imagined how Blair was reacting to the situation. She kicked her legs in a crazy manner and tried not to scream. "Oh my God, you did it! You figured it out!" Blair took the spiral back and wrote more.

"I know! I can't believe it! It was right there all along but I just didn't analyze it!"

"This is incredible! Even if your ghost self does revolve around Chuck!" Serena exclaimed.

"Oh, you totally stuck up for him the other day in front of the rich clique! I will not be fooled by your appalled looks any longer!" Blair wrote teasingly.

"Wait B, if you figured it out, shouldn't you be in the next life?" Serena asked.

"I'm not done yet! I still need to let Chuck know how I feel about him! That's like, the entire first reason why I'm still here!" Blair wrote.

"What happens when you get through to him? Do you think you'll pass on?"

"I don't know!"

"It's a possibility. Or you could stay here; maybe you're not done. Since part of the reason why you're here is to watch over Chuck you may be sentenced to do that. Like a guardian angel," Serena suggested.

"Guardian ghost is more like it!" Blair scribbled.

"Hey, I said that earlier! That term is copywrited!" Serena exclaimed. The two friends laughed until they doubled over, more from the circumstances then what Serena said. Blair felt so lighthearted that she considered dancing around the room. A gigantic weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Hey," Serena said. "We're going to get an Ouija board and you're going to communicate with him, okay? You're going to tell that boy everything!"

"Totally S, totally! When I come back," Blair wrote. Serena looked at the spiral, befuddled.

"Where are you going?" Serena asked.

"I'm going to go see Chuck at Victrola." Blair smiled as she put the ink to the paper. "I need him."

"He'll probably be out late and be too tired for it. Tomorrow I'll get a board," Serena said.

"Sounds like a plan!" Blair wrote. Her face was still killing her but she did not care. "I'll see you tomorrow, S."

"Have fun!" Serena said.

"Hold on," Blair wrote. Serena still sat in her chair, confused. Blair reached down and hugged her best friend, making sure not to go through. When Blair stood back up she wrote: "I just gave you a hug."

"I didn't feel a thing, but thank you," Serena said.

"You felt it in spirit," Blair wrote jokingly. Serena laughed at the double meaning.

"Thanks, B." Serena pointed for the door and smiled. "Now go to him! Run! Tell him you love him!" Blair laughed as she pranced through the walls.

"I can't tell him!" Blair exclaimed back, even though she knew her friend didn't hear. She laughed all the way to the hallway and then imagined herself at the burlesque house.

* * *

When Blair arrived at Victrola, Chuck, Bart, and two businessmen were on the exact same orange-reddish colored couch. Blair took a seat on the couch's arm. It was closest to Chuck, who wore a black suit and tie. Bart was discussing something boring, so Blair watched the dancers up onstage. She smiled as she remembered when she had set foot on the black stage and how thrilled she felt when she noticed Chuck watching her. She placed her hand on Chuck's arm as she watched, the familiar burlesque house scent of tobacco and scotch permeating her nostrils.

"Charles?" Blair jumped at Bart's sudden voice. She looked over and noticed that Chuck had fallen asleep. He slumped over to the side, closer to her. She laughed at how the back of his hair stood up a little against the velvet material of the couch. Bart placed a hand on his son's shoulder and patted it gently. "Charles?" he asked again. Chuck's eyelids lifted and, after realizing where he was, sat up quickly.

"Sorry father. I didn't mean to doze off," Chuck said. Bart looked at his watch.

"It's ten thirty, Charles. You've been here for five hours," Bart said. Blair could not believe how quickly time had passed by. "You can go back home; you do have school tomorrow."

"I could stay longer," Chuck offered tiredly.

"No, no." Bart stood up. "Here, I'll walk you out." He helped pull Chuck up and turned to the two businessman. "Excuse me." There was no objection. Blair followed Bart as he walked Chuck out of Victrola. When they got outside, Blair realized that a gorgeous night enveloped her. The dark sky above them looked like something out of a film, and the air felt warm but not humid. She even spotted an untimely lightning bug. "Thank you for coming with me tonight," Bart said. "You've been better about attending business meetings lately."

"I'm sorry for falling asleep," Chuck said.

"Think nothing of it. There's the limo," Bart said. The two Bass men walked to the long vehicle together, a ghost skipping behind them. Chuck pulled open the back door. "Goodnight son," Bart said.

"Goodnight father. Thank you for walking with me," Chuck said. He put one foot in the limo.

"Charles," Bart said. Chuck looked at his father curiously, the streetlights reflecting in his eyes. Bart shook his head. "Never mind." Blair remembered the conversation between Chuck and Eric earlier and realized how similarly the father and son tried to hide their emotions. The glint vanished from Chuck's eyes as he climbed into the limo's backseat. Blair slid in next to him before he closed the door. Once the limo began moving, Bart turned and walked back to Victrola.

Chuck slid over to the far right side of the seat. Blair noticed that he usually always sat on the right, even when he was alone. Chuck leaned back against the black leather and gazed out the window at all of the lit-up buildings the limo passed by. Calming piano music played from over the driver's radio. Blair moved over to sit beside Chuck, her hands placed on her lap. She joined him in looking out the window at the blaze of shimmering colors.

"This city really is amazing," Blair commented. She heard the sudden sound of a siren and then heard it fade away. Blair looked back at Chuck and noticed that his eyes were closing. She moved in closer so that their thighs touched. In a matter of seconds, Chuck was fast asleep.

_"You poor thing." _Blair laid her head on Chuck's shoulder. She took her hand and tangled her fingers with his, the way she always did with him. Blair became soothed as she heard Chuck's calm breathing and as she felt his shoulders rise and fall slightly with each breath that he took. Blair sighed, feeling like she falling asleep herself.

"I missed you Chuck," Blair said, her eyes looking up at him. "It isn't the Upper East Side without you. Though I gotta say that it was nice to see you the way you were before the Nate conversation. I haven't seen you act like that since before I died." She nuzzled her head against his shoulder. She closed her eyes and added playfully: "What were you going to say to Eric and I, Bass? You know better than anyone that I despise being teased."

"Blair?"

Blair's eyes shot open. Her head whipped upward at Chuck. His eyes were still closed, his head was still titled toward the window, and his chest still moved up and down with his breaths.

_"You're imagining things again," _Blair's mind said. She didn't believe her mind.

"Chuck?"

She watched aghast as Chuck's mouth opened slightly, and his facial expression looked animated and baffled even though he was technically asleep.

"Blair, is that you?"

**End of Chapter V**


	6. Chapter 6

**Before the final chapter commences, I have to say a few things. I've been writing ever since I was young, using my own characters and other characters (early fanfics, LOL). It's been something that I've always loved to do. Soon I'll be graduating high school, and I have many thoughts as to what I want to do career-wise. I always swore that no matter what I chose to be, I would be a writer on the side. Critique has always meant a lot to me since people are the reason why I write. That's why I want to thank all of my readers for taking such an interest in this story. Your kind reviews made me feel like I could achieve my goal someday. I don't know why I love writing about the characters of Gossip Girl so much, but I do know that I'm glad I started doing so. Your comments made it all worthwhile. I hope you like the last chapter and that you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. :) **

**My Saving Grace: Final Chapter**

The limousine contained more memories then either of them could count. Blair remembered that Serena said something about ghosts appearing in a place filled with emotional recollections. Blair visited places with Chuck before that brought back memories for them both, but he never fell asleep in any of them. She read numerous times that ghosts could talk to humans when they were in a peaceful state of sleep. As Blair gazed upon Chuck's pale face with astounded, misty eyes, she understood that there had to be both in order for conversation to happen.

"Yes Chuck, it's me!" Blair cried tearfully. "It's me!" She immediately saw Chuck's lips curve upward into a toothy smile, even though his eyes remained closed.

"Blair, how are you?!" Chuck asked, his voice overjoyed but in a sleepy whisper. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Chuck, I'm fine!" Blair laughed at the irony of being dead yet feeling ecstatic. "I'm so fine you wouldn't believe it!" Her relentless tears rolled off of her face and fell onto his black sleeve, where they instantaneously dissolved. Chuck's face shone as if he was meeting with an old friend for the first time in many years.

"Where have you been?!" Chuck's mouth remained open as though he wanted to speak, but he was so astounded that he did not do so for minutes. "I've missed you so much!" he finally exclaimed. Blair wiped her eyes and gasped happily as she felt her stomach doing excited flip-flops. She knew that Chuck missed her, but he never actually told someone that he missed them. Chuck moved a little in the seat as though he was lying in bed. He declared exuberantly: "They were wrong! You're not dead!" Blair stopped smiling, feeling as though she had just been beaten. She did not want to tell Chuck that she was indeed not alive anymore. Her fingers clutched her skirt until her knuckles turned white.

_"Do I have a choice?" _she asked herself. The vividness left Chuck's face as he tried to decipher the reason behind the sudden silence.

"Blair? Are you alright?" he asked innocently.

"I'm so sorry, Chuck." Blair stopped for a minute and tried to control her cracking voice. "I am dead." Chuck's puzzled facial expression appeared as he pondered over what she said and what was happening.

"Then this is a dream," Chuck stated.

"No Chuck, it's not a dream. It's me, Blair Waldorf. I'm just not alive anymore." She sighed, thinking about how stupid she was going to sound. "I'm a ghost." Chuck's one eyebrow rose and Blair chortled. Chuck was still his dramatic self even when he was asleep.

"What?"

"I'm a ghost. I've been with you this whole time, ever since the day I died. I got hit by that car and I was kept here." She leaned forward subconsciously. "I pushed you away from that truck, and I saw you praying for me. I beat up Georgina and I walked to school with you almost every morning. I saw you and Nate argue, and I saw you and Bart at your best and worst times, and I saw you wake up in the middle of the night because I was always right there next to you." She drew in a breath and then let it out. "Whoa, did I really just say all of that?" Chuck did not reply. Blair wondered if he was feeling skeptical. When she spoke again she moved her hands in a stressful manner. "I know it's a lot to take in, and I know it sounds unbelievable, but it's the truth. I've never lied to you, Chuck. I've done some bad things that I know hurt you, which I'm so sorry for, but I never lied. I was honest with you my entire life and I'm still being honest with you now." There was a long pause. A loud horn honk made Blair jump in her seat.

"That was you who beat up Georgina?" Chuck finally asked.

"Yes!" Blair exclaimed. She saw Chuck smirk.

"You were really POed, weren't you?" he asked. Blair's anxious expression turned into one of amusement and she laughed. The possibility of Chuck not believing her completely dissolved.

"That was the most upset I've ever been in my life. Or, not so life," Blair said. "I'm sorry that I scared you, by the way. I thought you would never speak to me again when you found out I was the one who did that."

"Don't apologize, you saved my life! Besides, she had it coming," Chuck said. "I'm glad to know that I'm not crazy. When I saw you beating her up I was certain that I was seeing things."

"I'm surprised your father didn't send you off to the mental institution," Blair said.

"Me too," Chuck agreed with a nod. The limo driver rolled up the glass that separated the back seat from the front, assuming that Bart's son sleep talked. The piano music muted, leaving Blair and Chuck soundless in the dark. "What else did you see, Waldorf?"

"Absolutely everything," Blair declared. "Except for the bachelor party; I missed that."

"Wow." Blair could tell by Chuck's tone that he was taken aback. "I feel so…" His mouth closed and he shook his head slightly as he searched for the word.

"What?" Blair asked.

"Violated," Chuck said.

"Hey, I was looking out for you," Blair snapped.

"I know you were. I'm glad you were, believe me. It's just a funny thing to hear that you've been unsuspectingly watched every day by a ghost," Chuck said. Blair saw his point.

"Not just any ghost, either," Blair said. She grinned fiendishly and decided to pester him with the one thing that shook him: emotion. "You love me, you love me! Chuck Bass actually loves me!" she sang, beaming. Chuck's face turned a vibrant red.

"You heard that," Chuck said, clearly feeling awkward.

"Yeah, so you can't turn it into a joke or lie and say that you didn't mean it," Blair said. "It was straight from the Arabian's mouth." Chuck recognized his own insult.

"Arabian…" He shook his head as though he was about to laugh. "Dear God." Blair laughed for him, enormously proud of herself. Chuck's face remained flushed. "I talk to you for three minutes and already I'm being taunted."

"Like you didn't miss it," Blair said. Chuck smiled charmingly.

"I did," he admitted. Blair blinked twice and her mouth twitched into a confused, uneven line. She was surprised that he replied what he did. Chuck knew that she was shocked at his blatant confession, and he smirked smugly. The way they talked to each other hadn't changed. "So you saw everything, hunh?" Chuck asked.

"Um-hum," Blair stretched out the words, smiling cheekily. "I was right there every step of the way. Oh, and may I add that you need to pray more often." Chuck did not respond. "I liked seeing you do that," Blair put in. "It was really sweet."

"I don't do it often," Chuck said.

"You should." Blair was silent as she decided to admit what she thought. "I've never seen you so vulnerable like that. You were really hurting. I felt so bad for you."

"Well, I felt bad for you," Chuck said. "You did die, after all."

"It was terrible the first few days, but after I saw you talk to the man upstairs I achieved a confidence. I took control of the situation," Blair said, prideful. Chuck laughed in his throat.

"Why am I not surprised?" he asked.

"You should have seen all the pranks that I played on people," Blair said. "I knocked an iced coffee on that blonde witch Hazel and I threw French fries at Nate. I even knocked your father's drink over when you left to go handle Georgina."

"I'll bet that all would have been awesome to watch," Chuck said with a certain appreciation in his voice. "You're funny, Waldorf."

"They all deserved it," Blair said.

"You did that just because they said or did something to me?" Chuck questioned. Blair nodded.

"Yep," she answered. "You should feel special," she added teasingly. Chuck grinned from ear to ear, not admitting that he did.

"Thank you for that. And for saving my life a billion times."

"You would have done the same for me." Blair pointed a finger at him, although he couldn't see. "Again, you can try to deny it and try to close yourself off but you would have."

"You know me too well," Chuck declared.

"And you know me too well," Blair said. She could not remember a time when she saw Chuck smile so much.

_"When have I ever smiled this much?!" _

"Did you say that you were in my room every night?" Chuck asked.

"In your bed, actually," Blair said.

"Too bad you didn't make your presence known," Chuck said in a husky whisper.

"Perv," Blair said. She perked up. "Wait, you're not!" She patted his shoulder and gasped delightfully. "Awwww, you didn't sleep with anyone else after I died!" She squealed and leaned back across Chuck's lap so that she gazed straight up at his face. She played with a strand of his dark hair and giggled. "You are so in love with me!"

"Quit rubbing it in," Chuck said, attempting to be gruff and defensive. Blair didn't buy it.

"I've felt so great this whole time because of that!" Blair sat up and watched as Chuck tried to conceal another smile. "I've been meaning to ask you: why the heck do you wake up in the middle of the night? It's the strangest pattern I've ever seen! It only happens once each night yet you look so terrified every time!" Chuck was quiet.

"I can't tell you," he finally said. "It's too embarrassing."

"Come on, Chuck!" Blair pushed herself off of his lap and placed herself right next to him on the leather seat. She leaned against him and laid her head on his shoulder. If Chuck was awake he would have stared directly into the pair of pleading, coffee colored eyes that he couldn't resist. "I've been dying to know this whole time. I think I have the right, since I worried about you so much and tried comforting you whenever it happened."

"You did?" Chuck asked.

"Of course! I wasn't going to just lay there and watch you suffer! What do you take me for?" Blair asked. "Come on, tell me!"

"I felt you," Chuck suddenly said. Blair stopped begging. She looked at him in shock.

"What?"

"Well, I didn't exactly feel you, but I knew you were there. Actually, I didn't know it was you, but…" He craned his neck back slightly, deciding to think before he spoke. "After I woke up I always felt really, really good. I became at ease and I fell back asleep very easily. It was like a wave of relaxation came over my entire body. I didn't know why, especially since I did get really freaked out." He sighed. "Sometimes I imagined that it was your doing. You made me feel that way a lot. I didn't know that it actually was you." Blair's hand moved to his.

"You made me feel that way too. You were always there when I needed you; you always comforted me. I wanted to return the favor."

"It was never an inconvenience," Chuck said with a tiny smile. He moved slightly again, and his head turned away from the window and in the direction of Blair's voice. He moved it so that it laid directly over hers. Blair grinned. It was as though he could truly feel her.

"What did you dream about, though?" she asked. "Something bad, I'm guessing."

"It was," Chuck admitted. "I feel stupid for saying it."

"You can tell me anything," Blair said. Chuck's smile did not fade.

"I know." Chuck cleared his throat, and he did not say anything for a few minutes. His expression became very somber. He finally sighed and started to speak. "I would dream about you and me in the bar on the night I said those things to you. I would say what I did, and you would look at me, very sad and dejected. You'd start walking to the door to leave. I would keep looking away." He swallowed, the mental scenario getting harder for him to describe. "Then a honking car would crash through the door and hit you." He stopped talking for a minute. Blair rubbed the top of his hand gently in a circular motion with her thumb as she imagined it. "Sometimes it would end there and I would wake up," Chuck continued. "Other times I'd run over to see if you were okay. You'd be lying there, deformed and drenched in blood, not even looking like a human being." His eyes suddenly closed even tighter as if he was squinting. Blair turned her head slightly so that the top of her head rested gently against his cheek. She understood why he woke up in two different ways. Chuck swallowed again, commanding himself not to tear up. "I would just stare at you and cry like a wuss, asking myself what I did and hating myself. I think that's because that's how I really felt when you died." His chest heaved, though he kept his voice steady. "The last words I ever said to you were awful and couldn't be farther from the truth. Then you were just gone as if you were something insignificant that could just be taken away without needing a reason why. I felt horrible." Blair brought her arms over and hugged Chuck, hoping that he would sense the comfort that he did before. When she saw him start to breathe calmly again, she knew it worked.

"I know you did," Blair said. She lowered her arms and nestled her cheek close to his neck. She closed her own eyes, feeling relaxed being next to him. "It's okay, Chuck. Honestly, it's okay. You were angry that night, and you had every right to be with the way I treated you."

"I still shouldn't have said it," Chuck said. After a short pause, he added: "You left and I didn't get the chance to tell you goodbye." He stopped himself from sniffling. "I wished every time I had that dream that I could go back and say how I felt about you instead of what I did say."

"You have no idea how many times I've thought the same thing," Blair said. Before Chuck could inquire as to what she meant, Blair opened her eyes and asked another question. "Is that what you were going to tell Eric that day?" Chuck smiled a little.

"No. I was going to tell Eric that I wish you were alive again and that everything would go back to how it once was," Chuck said. Blair went back to making little circles on his hand. She looked down at their hands for a long time until she thought she saw a vortex form out of the circle that she made. A vortex that she and Chuck could jump through and they would land back in the good old days. Blair blinked, snapping out of her silly, fanciful thinking.

"I wish that too, Chuck. With my whole heart." Blair looked up and stared at the tinted dividing glass in front of them. "We can wish that, but things will never be the same." She looked back at Chuck. "You said something similar to Nate at the Palace bar."

"You really did see everything," Chuck said.

"I cried that day when you got out of his limo," Blair said. "I couldn't believe what he said to you."

"I couldn't believe what he said about you," Chuck said. "Though you probably know that already." Blair clicked her tongue against her teeth.

"I recall the slamming and the kicking of the door," Blair said.

"He should be thankful that slamming the door was all I did," Chuck commented.

"I wanted to throw a rock at him!" Blair exclaimed. Chuck snickered.

"That would have been great," he said.

"He really does want to be friends with you again," Blair said. "I know that you want that too."

"I don't know, Blair." Chuck paused for a moment before talking again. "Whenever I see him in the hallways, I think of walking up to him and saying 'I'll forget about it after all', or something like that. We've been like brothers ever since preschool and I really do want it to be that way again. Then I remember his tone in the limo that day and what he said about you, and I turn back to whatever I was doing. I just don't think I can ever forgive him for saying that." Blair remembered how miserable each of the two boys looked when they ended their conversation at the Palace.

"It's a hard thing to forget," Blair said. "He hurt me many times too, even before that. I don't think I'll ever forgive him. But the difference between you and I is that I'm dead and I can never start over as friends with him again. I died with many regrets hanging over my head, Chuck. I don't think you'll be joining me any time soon, but if you do and never try to make up with him, I know that you'll regret it. I know you will because despite everything that happened, you care about him and he cares about you too. You two always were the dynamic duo."

"Just like you and Van Der Woodsen," Chuck said. Blair smiled nostalgically.

"The four of us always were the ultimate foursome, weren't we?" she asked. Chuck smiled.

"We were the best. There was the naïve blonde Nate, and the carefree blonde Serena," Chuck went on. "And then there were us."

"The two brunettes," Blair said.

"The smartest ones who schemed all the time," Chuck added.

"The ones who never missed a party…the ones who were always overlooked compared to the other two…" Blair went on.

"And the sexiest ones," Chuck said with a growl to his whispery voice. Blair laughed.

"That too, that too!" she agreed. She stopped for a second as she recollected something else. "We always took pride in our appearance. I wouldn't go out until I looked perfect and you always had the clothes that only the successful could get away with wearing." Blair winced. "Serena sometimes walked into school with her hair unwashed and no makeup."

"Nate didn't care about anything," Chuck said. "Not school, not looking presentable…"

"You didn't care about school either, you naughty boy," Blair said. Chuck smirked.

"I think I was pretty learned in my trade," he whispered. "Unlike a certain Archibald, I'm sure."

"You're right about that," Blair said. She admitted in a hushed voice: "You probably already suspected it, but I had to fake more than my virginity that night."

"I'll bet you taught him a few things that you learned from our little get-togethers." Chuck laughed once in his throat. "I'll bet he didn't even know what an orgasm was." Blair laughed so hard that she fell to her side and started slapping the leather seat. "What? I was being honest!" Chuck joked. Blair sat back up again, trying to catch her breath.

"That was funny," she said. "He probably didn't, even with his experience. I could just see him and S finishing up at the Shepherd wedding and Nate asking what the heck happened."

"Blair?" Chuck asked. Blair loved when he said her name. He made it sound like music, and each syllable a note. She did not think she would ever hear that tune again.

"Yes?"

"Do you know why I can't feel you?" Chuck asked.

"No," Blair replied. "You could if I put my hand through you or ran through you completely. I did it to Big Bad Bart once."

"Really?" Chuck asked inquisitively. "Do it."

"What?"

"Let your hand fall through my hand. Or through my arm."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Whenever I go through someone they get really cold. I think if I do that you'll shiver and wake up, and then you won't hear me anymore," Blair said. "You can only hear me when you're asleep and when you're somewhere where we both connected."

"You talked to me before at night though, right?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah, but you couldn't hear me since we never did anything special in your bed," Blair said. Chuck laughed a little.

"We could have."

"Yeah, we could have. Unfortunately, it's too late." She glanced down and realized she hadn't removed her hand from his. "My hand is resting on yours right now." Chuck tried to feel for a moment before he shook his head slowly.

"I don't feel it directly but I would probably sense that you were here if you hadn't said anything. And if we weren't in the limo," Chuck said. "I wonder how I could tell that you were there all those nights."

"I think because it was partially the sleep thing and partially because there was so much emotion from the both of us," Blair offered. "I went to the Constance library and kept trying to find information on how to communicate with you."

"You figured it out?"

"No, it just happened." She smiled. "And I'm so glad that it did." Chuck smiled back in agreement.

"Me too, Blair. I didn't think I would ever speak to you again."

"I'm full of surprises." Suddenly the limo stopped moving. Blair heard the driver getting out and saw him pass by the window. She heard the truck open. "I think we have a flat tire," Blair said.

"Good." Chuck grinned. "I don't want to be anywhere else but here." Blair felt her face turn red and her cheeks began to hurt.

"Me neither," she concurred.

"Why didn't you follow me to the bachelor party?" Chuck asked.

"I wanted to see how you would do without me," Blair said. "You woke up in the middle of the night, I'm guessing."

"Yes." Chuck took a deep breath. "No wonder I didn't fall back asleep effortlessly those nights. I thought it was because I was in a strange place."

"Nope, it was my absence." Blair sucked in air through her teeth. "Sorry. At least I know you can't live without me," she said playfully. Chuck smiled.

"What did you do while I was gone?" he asked.

"I tried to find out how I could talk to you. With a little help from S." Chuck seemed stunned.

"Wait, Serena knew about this?" he asked. Blair felt sick; she knew she should have left the last part out.

"I needed her help to find what I needed. I couldn't talk to her so I wrote notes."

"Why didn't you come to me?" Chuck asked. "You know how badly I wanted to hear from you." Blair felt awful. She sighed and looked down at the floor.

"I didn't because I watched you all the time, even in your most private moments. I felt for you and I basically got through each day knowing that you loved me. That's too deep of stuff to just grab a pen and write, 'hi Chuck, it's me, I'm baaaaaaack.' I wanted to talk to you the way we are right now. I wanted to hear you speak to me again and I wanted to let you know personally that I was always there." Blair looked back up at him. "You understand, don't you?" Chuck smiled at the corners of his mouth, feeling much less offended.

"I do enjoy this much better than if you wrote to me," Chuck said. Blair felt relieved.

"I knew you would," Blair said. "Because if you were the ghost I would prefer that you talk to me. We're too much alike."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Chuck said.

"Who said it was?" Blair asked with a smirk. "I saw you cheat on the SAT, by the way."

"It was either that or study," Chuck said. "Which option is the easiest?"

"Or the more dishonest." Blair shook her head. "Chuck, Chuck, Chuck. Whatever will you do with yourself?" she asked. She meant for her comment to be taken with good humor, but Chuck took it literally.

"I don't know," he replied. "I have a feeling my father's going to leave Eric with Bass industries and all of its investments." Blair became confused.

"Why would you think that?" she asked. Chuck shrugged nonchalantly, but Blair knew that he cared more then he wanted to let on.

"I disappoint him too much. He won't leave me with all of that to manage."

"He loves you, Chuck. I know that deep inside he's proud of some of the things you've done. He just has a funny way of showing it," Blair said. "You're his son. He'll leave it all to you."

"How can you be so sure?" Chuck asked. Blair rubbed his hand gently.

"I don't know why I feel that way. I just do." She leaned back on his shoulder again. "You believe me, right?"

"I do," Chuck said. "I just don't know what he thinks sometimes."

"You'll be fine," Blair assured. She felt herself grow tense as she prepared to say the big words. "Chuck, I need to tell you something."

"Go on," Chuck calmly urged. Blair felt her heart beginning to race in her chest.

"When I first died, I had no idea why I was still here. I kept thinking about why I hadn't crossed over to heaven or wherever. It took me awhile but I finally figured out why." Chuck's captivated silence pressed her to continue. "I remained here to save you those few times and because I had to do something that I never accomplished in life."

"What was that?" Chuck asked. Blair breathed in deeply, and when she spoke again her voice quavered.

"I had to tell you how much you mean to me. I've wanted to do that ever since I left the limousine that night. I kept fighting the feelings that I had for you, and that was the biggest regret that I took to my grave. I was blind, Chuck. All I thought about was how dating Nate would be beneficial to my reputation. In the end it caused me nothing but misery."

"Blair, I…" Chuck could not find his words. Blair brought her arm behind his head and looked at him. Her other hand remained gently rested on his, her fingers stroking the fabric of his cuff.

"I wanted to tell you this whole time how sorry I was." She glimpsed downward for a minute at their hands, memories of the past flashing through her mind. When she looked at Chuck again her eyes were filled with tears. "I kept thinking this whole time that you needed me, but really I needed you. You got me through each day." She stopped for a minute to try to calm down. She did not want her tears to get in the way of her words.

"Blair, are you crying?" Chuck asked once she did not continue.

"No," Blair lied. Her weepy tone gave her away.

"Don't cry, Blair. I'm right here. It's okay," Chuck said.

"I know." She smiled and let out one tearful, blissful laugh. "You always were." She sniffled. "The truth is that I love you, Chuck." She wiped her eyes, her wide smile unfading. "I love you so much." Chuck's face lit up brighter then the reflections of the New York lights. Blair's heart fluttered and for a moment she thought that it was going to leave her chest and soar away. "I'm just so sorry that I never told you sooner. If I had then things would have been better when I left, I know it."

"It's okay, Blair. It's okay." Chuck moved his hand upward and tried to place it over her hand even though he couldn't feel exactly where it was. "I love you too." Blair nodded as she kept wiping her tears, her smile as radiant as ever. She knew that he loved her all too well.

Then Blair had a feeling that she knew that all sense would not conquer. Chuck would not feel her. It was literally impossible for him to feel her. In spite of that omnipresent knowledge, Blair moved her hand out from under Chuck's. She sat straight up and swung over so that she sat on his lap, her legs separated by his thighs. She looked down at him, his face still lustrous and calm. She felt the limo starting to move beneath them. Blair slowly brought her hands up and put them on each side of Chuck's face as if he was fragile. His skin felt soft and warm to the touch. Blair closed her eyes and felt herself lean downward. She gently brought Chuck closer into her. She parted his soft lips slightly with her tongue before pulling it back into her mouth and kissing him tenderly. The rare, sweeter then honey taste that Blair had unwillingly forgone for so long was finally in her grasp. The rest of the world around her vanished, the enveloping silence more apparent than ever before. Blair forgot where she was. Her brain did not think a single thought. A combined sensation of comfort, enchantment, and thrill tingled throughout her entire being. Even if it was only for a moment, Chuck was hers again. She never wanted it to end.

Reluctantly, Blair pulled her lips away to catch her breath. She opened her eyes and saw Chuck's face glowing. She couldn't recall a time when he looked happier.

"That was amazing," Chuck said, his voice dragging slowly over each of the words. Blair's mouth dropped open.

"Wait a minute…you felt that?!" she asked in sheer disbelief. Chuck nodded with a wide grin.

"I did. And it was incredible."

"How?!" Blair asked, bewildered. She wondered if the emotional factor that she mentioned had something to do with it.

"I don't know," Chuck said. His broad smile did not grow faint. "I've missed you so much, Blair. I'm so lucky."

"Lucky?" Blair asked curiously.

"That I'm actually talking to you again." Chuck did not plan to say what he did next, for he thought it would make him sound wishy-washy. Despite the self-conscious thought, the words flowed from his mouth. "And that you told me what you used to only in my dreams." Blairw rapped her arms around him, hoping that he felt her hug. She grinned and felt the butterflies that she once cursed returning to her stomach.

"I'm the lucky one, Chuck."

Blair felt nothing but the limo's wheels rolling against the rocky ground and Chuck's excited heartbeat against her own. It was only a matter of seconds before she felt a tingling sensation on her back. Blair groaned and sat up a little on Chuck's lap.

"Blair, are you alright?" he asked. He could tell that something was wrong.

"I--" Blair started. She felt something rise and break on her back as though her skin could erupt like a volcano. However, she did not feel pain at all. She glanced over her shoulder and gasped at what she saw. Suddenly, Blair felt all of her weight strangely leave her. She was as light as a feather. Then, she began to feel herself wanting to lift off. A strange force pulled from above. Blair gasped and immediately grabbed onto Chuck's shoulders. "Chuck, I have to go!" Chuck looked startled.

"What?! Where?!"

"I don't know!" Suddenly, a golden light appeared, drowning out the darkness. Blair looked up at it, realizing what was happening. "I don't have a clue!"

"Blair, don't go," Chuck said. His pleading voice was strained. Blair pulled herself close to him and latched on.

_"Please go away," _she thought to the light. _"Please go away..." _When it didn't she spoke again.

"I don't want to go but I think I have to!"

"Blair, please!" Chuck cried, his voice frantically trembling. Blair felt his shoulders heaving beneath her hands. "I just got you back! You can't leave again!"

"I'm so sorry!" Blair blubbered as tears returned to her eyes. "I've done everything that I was kept here for! I have to go on!"

"Where, though?!"

"I don't know!" Blair fought the force pulling her upward, her hands tightly clinging to Chuck's shoulders. The light was beginning to blind her, but her blurred eyes squinted through it to see Chuck's face. "I don't know, but wherever I go, I want you to remember something." She breathed in and tried to speak calmly and confidently. "Remember that you'll be fine. I left you when you went to the bachelor party and you made it through. No one will ever mess with you, and nothing will ever be impossible." Her fingers dug into his shoulders. She felt warm droplets running down her face, and she forgot about speaking calmly. "You're Chuck Bass! You'll survive absolutely anything!"

"I know, but…" Chuck stopped. Blair saw a tear roll out of the corner of his closed eye before he spoke again in a desperate whisper. "I need you." Blair took her hand and wiped the tear off of his face, her heart breaking in two.

"Don't cry, Chuck. Don't cry." She sniveled. "I hate to see you so upset." Blair swathed her arms around Chuck's neck. She rested a moist cheek on his suit coat. "I promised you that I would always be with you. I'm never going to break that promise. I'll be farther away, but I'll still look out for you." The force was beginning to become greater and fiercer. She buried her face into his shoulder and tried to settle down. "I'll never go away. I'll never completely leave you."

"Blair…" He said her name shakily. She smelt his cologne and felt his soft hair under her fingertips for the last time.

"Yes?" she asked with a whimper. Chuck gulped, suddenly not knowing how to say what he wanted to. He sensed that it was getting harder for Blair to hold on. For the first time ever, he decided to go with his heart told him to say.

"I'll always love you."

Blair lifted her shoulder to her one eye and wiped tears away as she let out a sob of elation and pre-loneliness.

"I'll always love you too, Chuck." She pulled back gently and looked straight at his face, taking a mental picture. She quickly placed both of her hands on each of his, the way she had when he prayed. "No matter what you do and how you choose to handle things, I love you. And I'm never going to stop loving you."

She wanted more than anything to kiss him. If she couldn't stay with him forever, she wanted to leave him with a kiss even better and more memorable then the last one. She wanted to kiss him so much and so well that the feeling of his lips would be imprinted on her memory and would follow her everywhere for evermore.

The upward force yanked, and Blair was torn away.

The last thing she saw before she shot up into the sparkling light was Chuck's opening, misty eyes.

* * *

Blair uncrossed her legs and leaned forward to get a better view. She frowned as a bird passed by below, obstructing her sight. Once it passed she smiled happily at the scene below. She heard someone walking behind her, but she was too engrossed to notice.

"Hey B." Serena sat down next to her best friend on the fluffy cloud. She looked seventeen, the age she always thought of herself whenever she talked to Blair. "Are you watching Chuck again?" she asked. Blair laughed a little.

"Yeah. He just won some money at the casino. Nate was jumping up and down and screaming for him." Blair brought a hand back and played with the velvety soft feathers of her wings. "I didn't think Nate still had the vocal cords or the agility to do that."

"I didn't think either of them were gamblers," Serena said.

"They never really were until they hit their mid seventies," Blair said. "Now they go at least once a week. They're pretty good at it."

"Or just really fortunate," Serena said. "How's my granddaughter?"

"She just did read her poem at a poetry reading at college," Blair said. "I see she inherited Dan's skills." Serena nodded proudly. "She's graduating in two months, you know," Blair said.

"I'll be joining you here to see that. Dan too," Serena said. Blair sighed and tapped the tips of her shoes together.

"I'll never forget your wedding, S. You two looked beautiful together. It was the best wedding since your mom's and Bart's."

"After we broke up so many times I never dreamed that Dan and I were going to end up married!" Serena exclaimed. Blair smiled.

"Somehow I always knew. I saw you run back to Nate and all of those other guys, and cabbage patch had his Vanessa crush, but I felt that you two would be together in the end."

"You did not!" Serena said.

"I sure did!" Blair exclaimed back. They both laughed, and then were quiet for a few minutes.

"B, what do you think of Chuck's wife?" Serena asked. Blair stared ahead at the cerulean blue and white in front of her. A few people walked on the distant clouds. The rays of the glistening sunlight carved holes through some of the fluff.

"I personally think he deserves better," she finally said.

"Did she really cheat on him? Or was he just overly suspicious?" Serena asked. Blair's eyes darted downward. She felt like a knife had been stabbed through her heart. Serena realized what she had said and assumed the answer. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you. I just never knew…no one really knew for sure."

"She did," Blair said. She looked up again. "That was terrible to witness." Serena nodded, making an effort to understand. Blair knew she was trying, but her best friend could never fully know what it was like to watch the man she loved confront his unfaithful wife.

"No one was better for him then you," Serena said, "but he had to move on."

"I know." Blair smiled wryly, despite the nagging feeling in her stomach. "I'm glad he did. His kids are adorable, too."

"They all look like him!" Serena exclaimed. "That pale skin and dark hair must be the Bass dominant gene.

"Don't forget the eyes," Blair added. Serena laughed.

"They did have gorgeous eyes. They were always so polite to me, too. I had some great nieces and nephews." The two heard prancing footsteps behind them.

"Serena, Coco Chanel wants to talk to you," Dan said. He passed away at the age of seventy-nine (before his wife), yet he looked like he was in his late twenties. "She wanted to hear your story about the photo shoot you took in high school." Dan looked down at the angel and smiled. "How are you today, Blair?"

"I'm not too bad, cabbage patch," Blair replied. Serena stood up and took her husband's hand. She immediately took the form of her twenty-seven year old self.

"Blair, you were part of that story. Want to come help me tell it?" Serena asked.

"I'd love to, but I'm not really allowed to leave my post," Blair replied.

"I think Chuck will be fine for a few minutes," Serena assured.

"It's not just Chuck. It's Chuck and his children and his grandchildren and your children and your grandchildren." Blair drew in a breath. "That was a mouthful."

"You put a lot of pressure on yourself," Dan said. "The other guardian angels just look after one or two people. It's nice of you to look out for others besides the person you were assigned to, but you need a break too." Blair looked at him solemnly.

"If I had taken a break a few years ago, your first-born son would have been dead." She turned away from them and stared ahead once again. "You guys have always been like my family. I would never ditch any of you."

"We appreciate it, B. Are you sure you don't want to come with us, though?" Serena asked. Blair nodded with a tiny smile.

"I'm sure. Thanks for the invite."

"No problem," Dan said. The couple turned and skipped away to another cloud. Blair lied down and, after ruffling a spot where she could place her head, watched Chuck and Nate buy drinks below her. She witnessed Chuck knock on Nate's door the day after she left him to cross over. She still laughed when she thought about Nate's flabbergasted facial expression and their awkward conversation. They were old men now and still the best of friends. Chuck's hair had turned grey, yet his pale skin did not become wrinkly. His deep brown eyes were still the same. Nate's golden blonde locks had become as white as snow, and although his once crystal blue eyes displayed his age, he was still very energetic. When she heard them laugh together, it was the exact same sound as when they used to laugh when they were teenagers. It was more low-key, but the same nonetheless.

Blair smiled as she thought about how quickly the new generation of Upper East Siders went by.

_"There were little Chucks and Nates and Serenas running around and partying, and now there's even more. I never would have dreamed of that in a million years when I was alive." _

Blair closed her eyes and remembered Chuck's face when she first leaned over to kiss him in the limousine. She remembered the way her heart raced when she stared him down, seeing him in a way that she never had before. She recalled the glint of curiosity and desire in his large eyes. She realized that his mind must have told him no a million times before he gave into what he wanted.

_"One kiss led to something so much bigger," _she thought. She remembered another kiss: the one that Chuck and his wife shared on their wedding day. His lapel with a white flower attached, the bride's auburn hair, and Nate the best man stood out clearly in Blair's mind. She wondered if Chuck had been thinking of her at that moment. Blair remembered the adoring way Chuck looked at his children and how he did practically anything for them. She remembered when he left his large, brown mansion the night he found out about his wife's adultery and went to the Palace with a pack of cigarettes and the scarf that he had not worn in years. Blair sighed.

_"Things could have been so much different." _

She felt a hand gently rubbing her shoulder. She moaned and stretched a little, her eyes still closed.

"Don't worry God, I'm not asleep. I'm just resting my eyes."

"Are all of you with wings this lazy?"

Blair's eyes shot open at the elegant voice. She looked up and gasped. Chuck was kneeling beside her and gazing at her with dazzling eyes. He looked seventeen and as spry as the day she left. Blair did not notice that the sky behind him had turned dark.

"I'm just kidding, Waldorf." Chuck's smile was as bright as the twinkling stars surrounding him. "You're the best angel of them all." Blair grinned in disbelief and stuttered before words finally left her lips.

"Chuck! Oh my God!" She sat up straight and Chuck immediately hugged her. He pressed her firmly to him as if he would never let go. Blair wrapped her arms around him. Her hands moved slightly down from Chuck's neck to his upper back, as if she was checking to make sure that he was real. She laughed joyfully, not believing that she could feel him under her fingers again. "I missed you so much!" She rested her forehead on his shoulder, remembering how great it felt to be held by him. Chuck brought his head down and close to hers.

"I missed you too," Chuck said. He spoke as though he was lifting a huge weight off of his chest with his words. "More then you could ever imagine."

"I knew," Blair said with a smile. "I kept my promise. You never left my sight."

"I never doubted that you would."

They both looked into each other's eyes intently, as if they were seeing each other for the first time. Blair rested her hands on his shoulders, and Chuck's arms remained wrapped around her waist. A steady wind blew and its blustery noise resounded throughout the midnight black sky.

"How did you die?" Blair asked incredulously. "I just saw you down there at the bar with Nate!"

"I think all of the excitement that Nate and I had at the casino had a delayed reaction on my heart," Chuck said. Blair's mouth dropped open.

"You had a heart attack?!" Blair asked. Chuck slyly turned his eyes away from her for a minute. Blair felt his shoulders rise beneath her hands as he tried to hold in laughter. "Why are you ready to laugh? What could possibly be funny about that?" Blair asked.

"I'm envisioning the headlines," Chuck explained. "I could just see it: 'Business tycoon Bass kicks the bucket over money matters.'"

"How did it happen?" Blair asked. "I didn't see." Chuck decided to seize the opportunity.

"Weren't you supposed to be watching?" he asked.

"Shut up," Blair said huffily. "This is the first time I've fallen asleep since I crossed over." Chuck grinned, and Blair realized what she had played into. "You wanted that reaction, didn't you?"

"I know how to push your buttons," Chuck murmured. "In more ways than one." Blair laughed subtly.

"You haven't changed at all," she commented. With a smile, she added: "Good." Chuck cocked an eyebrow and smirked devilishly.

"Being with you has an effect on me. I could never talk that way to--"

"Yeah. I know you couldn't," Blair said. She did not want to discuss her. She brought her arms up around Chuck's neck, not wanting to think about anything else other then the man in front of her. "So how did it happen?"

"We were getting off at the dock, I felt this sharp chest pain, and then I blacked out," Chuck clarified. "It was already evening when it happened."

"Did it hurt?" Blair asked.

"Only for a few seconds," Chuck assured. Blair looked down. Chuck pushed some of her hair back behind her ear and looked at her with conviction. "It was my time, Blair. You couldn't have stopped it. That's probably why you fell asleep while it was going on. Your duty had to end sometime." He grinned confidently. "Besides, thanks to you I lived a good, long life." Blair looked back up at him, a haughty expression on her face.

"Didn't I tell you that your father would leave the business to you and that everything would be alright?" She sighed exasperatedly. She leaned in closer to his face so that their 

foreheads nearly touched and whispered: "Oh Bass, when are you ever going to listen to me?" Chuck smiled.

"I listen. I just act like I don't to annoy you."

"Typical," Blair said with an eye roll and a grin. They looked at each other in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again. "I'm glad you're here, Chuck."

"So am I."

Blair closed her eyes as she felt a familiar tension rising. The minute Chuck's lips touched hers she felt exhilarated, as if a spirit could leave her spirit. She kissed him back, craving more with each passing second. Suddenly Chuck turned her towards him by the waist and delicately laid her on the cloud. Their lips never separated as he moved her. The stars above and around them emitted a brilliant glimmer. Blair placed a hand on Chuck's cheek and ran it down his neck as her mouth sunk deeper into his. When they stopped, they gazed at each other until they both thought that they would never look away. Chuck's hand moved to one of Blair's wings. His fingers hopped lightly on separate feathers, making Blair ticklish.

"I could get used to this," Chuck said.

"Hands off the wings. I earned those."

"You really did."

Chuck lied down next to the woman who both changed and saved his life. His arm remained behind her shoulders. Blair curiously looked up at him.

"Are you afraid to let go of me, Bass?" she asked jokingly. Chuck's normally white face developed a hint of pink.

"After what happened last time, I might be a little concerned," he said.

Blair grinned.

"You're cute when you're nervous," she said, making Chuck blush even more profusely. "You're never nervous often." She reached her one hand up and took a hold of his. Their fingers linked together as they gazed up at the star dotted sky. They felt the cloud sink a little beneath them, making imprints of their figures.

"Does it always do that?" Chuck asked. Blair laughed a little.

"Yeah, but it won't break. Even if it does, we're both dead anyway." Blair smiled at him. "Don't worry anymore about anything, Chuck." The warmth of the air surrounding them contrasted the cold and rainy aura on the day of her funeral. Blair's eyelids grew heavy as she remembered the vow she made to Chuck that day.

"I'm here," she uttered. "I'll always be here for you."

**THE END**


End file.
